Rafed English

The Need of An Engagement Period

Adopted from the Book : "Youth and Spouse Selection" by : "Ali Akbar Mazaheri"

From certain aspects it is essential that there be a distance between the contract and marriage.

1- The girl who has lived for many years in a family with her family members, especially her father and mother, has a deep and strong attachment to them and separation from them is very tough and difficult for her. So it is not advisable to suddenly detach her from her family, since this would emotionally be harmful for her. Instead, it is necessary to bring a gradual readiness in her to face the separation.

2- The boy and the girl whose life responsibilities were, up until now on the shoulders of the parents, do not have th readiness to shoulder that at once, therefore a gap is necessary so that they may prepare themselves to shoulder the weight of joint life responsibilities.

The style of birds' lives is very beautiful and based upon wisdom in this respect. The mother bird trains her offspring for a long time to fly and live independently. She prepares them to organise their own lives and does not let them go away from her until this readiness comes into existence.

3- It is difficult for the boy and girl who were strangers only sometime ago to adjust beside each other without any preliminary stages and all of a sudden start an independent life. It is necessary for them to get familiar and develop attachment to be ready for their common life together.

4- It is possible that the girl and the boy, due to certain reason like those described in chapter four, such as:
continuing education or military training, are not prepared to begin a joint and independent life, but do have the readiness to get engaged. So they get engaged, and remain so until such time as the hurdles and restraints are removed and they can marry.

5- The parents of the girl and the boy also need to get prepared for the marriage of their dear ones. The duration of the engagement provides them with the necessary opportunity to be ready for it.

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