Rafed English

Private Talk 

There are “small” things that have big effects on relationships and Islam wants spouses to be aware of and of course act upon. One of the important ones is the behavior between partners before and during intercourse. In a nutshell Islam does not want us to behave like animals that only care about fulfilling their desires, it wants us to care about the feelings and desires of the other partner as well.

And this is what is meant by the Prophet (pbuh) “Do not have intercourse with your wife like an animal”(1).The main behaviors that helps satisfy partners are:
•    Foreplay and pre-sex behaviors: The Prophet (pbuh) said “having intercourse with man's wife without foreplay is a harsh act”(2). Foreplay is a general concept with many different examples as it may be with words or with actions.
•    Removing shyness and modesty between the partners: The Prophet (pbuh) said “The best of women is the one that if left alone with her husband removes the armour of modesty”(3). It is true that Islam encourages modesty, yet in this particular case it considers shyness and modesty something harmful for marital relationships.
•    Satisfying your wife: This is for men because usually women take a little longer than men to fully get satisfied, so men get tired and end the “session” that can lead up to a lot of bad consequences such as adultery and fights which lead up to divorce. For this reason, Ahl Al-Bayt (a.s) advised men to fulfill their spouses’ satisfaction and desires such as the saying of the prophet (pbuh) “…if he finished before she finished then he must not hurry her until she finishes.”(4)

1.    The Revival of the Religious Sciences by Abu Hamid Al-Ghazali v2 p74
2.    Bihar Al-Anwar v100 p285
3.    Al-Kafi v5 p324
4.    Al-Ahadeeth Al-Tubiya v1 p362


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