Rafed English

Seven adventures of matrimony

Adapted from: "Sexual problems of Youths by: "Ayatullah Makarim Shirazi"

• Many issues known to us as “unpleasant but meantime inevitable necessities” of life are the products of our illogical deeds and are often avoidable!

• Many snares which we suppose destiny has imposed for us are the same chains that we have made by our own hands.

• A major part of problems in our life is indeed obstructions, excuses, obstinacies, and even inflexibilities exhibited by us when facing events, but not real problems!

It is said that once Rostam, the Iranian epical hero, decided to conquer some parts of Iran that no preceding gallant conquerors had succeeded in.

During his journey towards the heart of this region, he faced “seven great obstacles” each of which was more terrible than the other. Once he faced the white demon, and once the giant dragon, and once the dangerous magicians. Finally, he passed them one by one with his strength and skills. He passed the seven stages (seven adventures) and overcame them. Ferdowsi, the Iranian epic poet has described and versified the story in Shahnameh with attractive delicacies.

The legend is a romantic representation of the mass of problems in a man’s life, their abundance and intensity, and a plan for showing ways of overcoming these problems.

Nowadays, the issue of marriage and passing its obstacles is not easier than what Rostam did when passing the “seven legendary adventures”. The only difference is that neither all youths possess the bravery and power which Rostam had for passing the seven adventures, nor basically they are so decisive and determined!

As mentioned, no other social issue has so deviated from its original and normal form (with such harmful and disturbing embellishments) like marriage.

The groans, complaints and clamours of the youth and parents for the huge costs of marriage are mostly for these additional formalities. Otherwise, the basis of marriage is too simple, pure and sacred to cause so many problems and troubles.

At present, for many people, marriage is like mining “gold” from the mines which is mixed with impurity that it is not economical and does not worth such a trouble!

Impurities of marriage are the very competitions, wrong customs, transient humours and fancies, achieving unreal honour, prestige and personality.

Marriage has lost its main visage among the mass of problems. It is transformed to a “horrible monster” that not all individuals could bear.

Worse is that a few people dare to challenge these embellishments and impurities. In this respect, the educated are worse than the illiterate. Now, people are weaker and more disabled in this challenge as compared to the past.

Many people satisfy themselves with a wrong reasoning that “a man marries once during his or her lifetime, and could not celebrate it simply”, or “let us realize our last desires, whims and internal tendencies”!

They ignore that when this wrong reasoning becomes popular, it changes into the greatest hindrance for felicity and happiness of the youth.

The youth shall pass the seven adventures of this long way just with their heroism, like Rostam, and break these magic spells. This involves seven adventures, including:

1- Unlimited and dreamy expectations; the expectations of girls from boys, and boys from girls, and parents from both of them

2- Raising undue embarrassments; by many of the parents, families, relatives and friends

3- Heavy dower sum

4- Extra formalities; for wedding ceremonies and the dangerous competitions

5- Petulance for being in the same and equal position and rank by two families

6- Fiery loves; which are uncontrollable and at the same time unconsidered

7- Excessive obsession; and lack of confidence and trust on each other in the future

When we reflect on these seven problems, we see that most of them are not concerned with the issue of marriage, but to its embellishments.

For instance, consider the issue of “matching and being equal in rank”, which is a great hindrance for marriage of many youths, while it is only a mirage.

A 30 years old man who introduced himself as an “Oil Engineer”, and agreed that he has a good salary, complained and groaned for failing to marry yet.

He said: I cannot select a wife from any family, because I shall find an honourable and prestigious family in the equal rank with me.

However, when I find such a family, they propose such terms, conditions and expenses for marriage that just an “electronic brain” can calculate it! …

I asked: If you mean sufficient education and knowledge by “prestige, honour, …”, I can introduce you to many families having educated and able girls, ready to marry with those like you. If you mean having high human attributes, moral values and or interesting in physical and corporeal privileges, still there are many of such girls among the middle class but noble and honest families.

But I do not think you mean any of them. By an honourable and esteemed family, you may mean that her uncle shall be a general director or general manager, and her parents shall be rich, and have an expensive house and car! Is it true? … I found that he meant the same.

I said: Then, making such a big mistake for evaluating prestige based on these affairs, and not human’s actual privileges, it is not a surprise if you are in such a trouble!

It is interesting that in our Islamic traditions, “being equal in rank” with the wrong concept prevailed at that time among tribes and social societies, has been strongly condemned, and Islam has introduced faithful women and men, girls and boys in the same and equal rank.
We read in Islamic traditions:
    المؤمن کفو المؤمن

A believer from any family, race and social class is in the same rank and position as the other believer.

Therefore, if the delusive ideas about class life and social ranking are eliminated, and both parties like each other for what has a human, logical and rational value, not for the positions of uncles and families, wealth, car and property of aunts, the problem will be surely solved. This applies to many other hindrances for marriage as well.


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