Rafed English

Strict Parents

Adapted from: "Sexual problems of Youths by: "Ayatullah Makarim Shirazi"

These parents endanger the future of their darling children seriously!

Many parents who have spent their own youth with all its problems and troubles and are unaware of the storm existing in hearts of the youth (both girls and boys) for proper satiation of their sexual instincts, are very ‘cool’ and or ‘strict’ for the marriage of their sons and daughters.

Their ‘coolness’ and ‘strictness’, both branching from a single mental origin, are sometimes so that they call one year and five years delay ‘a simple event and short term’.

They ignore that even a month or several days of delay in critical situations may change the fate of a youth.

It is not clear why these parents do not remember their youth?

Why they have forgotten so soon the storms and passion of youth before their own marriage? Why they do not suppose themselves instead of their young children?!

However, their self-comparison (assuming the youth as cool as themselves) is very dangerous and even costs too much and sometimes leads to insanity.

One of the major causes of escape of the youth from family, suicides, perversions and diseases is lack of attention to this reality. It is particularly true for the virtuous, chaste and faithful youth.
Parents’ negligence of such youth is unfair and far from realism and farsightedness.

Indeed, the problems of marriage and its concerned responsibilities often cause parents to unknowingly ignore their understanding about the situation of youth and the crisis of their sexual instinct, or persuade themselves that its time has not come yet.

Sometimes, the painful consequences of this negligence will entangle them for the whole of their life, when there is no way for compensation and remedy.

The strictness of parents in selection of spouse for their children, their baseless and sometimes ridiculous terms and conditions for their marriage, originate from lack of recognition of necessity.

When one recognizes the necessity of something, he imposes lesser terms and conditions for it, and chooses principle of forbearance and connivance as the basis of all discussions and decisions. On the contrary, lack of recognition of necessity makes one inflexible and choosy.

I read in an article that some of the strict and fussy individuals even smell a car like meat or vegetables when buying! When they smell a car for buying, what would they do in selecting spouse for their daughter and son?

It is surprising that most often such parents are trapped in such problems they never expect.

The psychological reason is that only dishonest and ostentatious individuals can attract their attention through show off and boasting. Otherwise, healthy and normal people can never be so, and they can never win their hearts.

It is true that one should select his or her spouse carefully, and selection of a life partner is not like buying a cloth. However, there is a big difference between carefulness and strictness and obsession. When it seems that the other party is qualified for marriage, and investigation of the informed individuals confirms this reality, one should take action without any doubt, and just seek assistance from God. Then, the result will certainly be good.

According to the emphatic Islamic instructions for early marriage, as well as the command of intellect and extensive experiments of the informed, all parents are advised to avoid coolness and undue strictness, not to neglect the dangers caused by their strictness and coolness, and not to endanger the future of their dear children.

It should be remembered that the sexual instinct of youth is so powerful that negligence and carelessness about it may result in any sort of explosion.

Man’s history and the daily life of men indicate that dangers caused by explosion of this instinct are unique and the most important and deep-rooted.


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