Rafed English

Shackles for the youth

Adapted from: "Sexual problems of Youths by: "Ayatullah Makarim Shirazi"

• It is true that ages have passed from the normal time of our marriage, but how can we marry while:

    • We do not yet have a car!

    • We do not yet have a job!

    • We have not yet saved enough money to cover the heavy costs of marriage, gifts for bride!

    • We have not provided a good place for our marriage ceremonies yet, and … yet, and … yet!

• How we can agree to the marriage of our daughter while:

    • An ideal husband with sufficient income, honourable job, good position, house, …, has not proposed marriage with her, and those who have proposed lacked one or two of these conditions!?

    • Moreover, we have not provided required home appliances for her yet, and two or three of them, such as carpet, furniture, refrigerator, washing machine, iron, vacuum cleaner, sewing machine, are not provided yet!

    • Of course, in this situation, marriage of a girl is nothing save disgrace! God may not forgive our society that has chained us so …! What we can do when the troublesome and disturbing conditions in the society do not let us to act in a proper way?!

These are the confab or more proper to say that unreasonable pretexts and excuses of a number of youths (girls and boys) and parents for avoiding the critical issue of marriage. A scientist says: Life has two parts: First part is spent with hope for the second part, and the second part with sigh for the first!

It is better to apply the term “dream” instead of “hope”, and say: The first part of life is spent dreaming about the second part, and the second part sighing for the first!

The clear example is the issue of marriage of many of our youths. They waste half their life finding an ideal spouse, and the other half sighing at the mistakes they committed in the first part. However, these youths and those parents that these shackles and false hindrances are established by no one save you!

You have established a vain and entirely illusory concept for conjugal life, and lost the “real” happiness and felicity for achieving an “illusory” one.

Be sure that as all experiments and experiences have proved, the boundaries and lines which you have drawn for felicity will never make you happy.

These competitions, blindly imitations, rendering authenticity to inauthentic affairs, glasses deviating proper vision to life, endless expectations, false dreams and deceptive mirages, all have shackled you and hinder you from accomplishment of the most essential task for a youth.

Should the youth and parents be decisive and brave enough to cut the chains of captivity in the claws of delusion, fancy, and dream, and break these idols, then they would find that they have achieved freedom of spirit and easiness, and how prosperous and happy they have become.

Can you find someone owning house, car and everything at his youth? Then, why do you expect yourself or your spouse to be so? That is right; there are some whose forefathers have been rich and they have inherited from them. However, since they have not taken efforts for gaining their wealth, fortunately or unfortunately, they will not be able to keep it.

Take it easy, and when the simple and reasonable requisites are provided, take action for marriage.
We believe that marriage with simple ceremonies is easy and do not be surprised, even compatible with education, provided both parties understand the proper concept of marriage. They shall also understand that everything in the world of creation is gradual, and better conditions for life are provided little by little. Expectations shall always be in the frame of facilities.

It seems that the youth wandering in the byways of these dreams have forgotten that what is essential in marriage is existence of “two persons” understanding each other and the proper concept of life, and loving it.

Existence of the two basic factors, that is, two persons with proper understanding is essential. Otherwise, the other requisites and facilities would not bring happiness.

On this basis, our high religious instructions have not defined any condition for accomplishment of a proper marriage save existence of two sane persons (the spouses) willing to have a joint conjugal life, while you can see this simple task has been changed into such a complicated problem!

The other remarkable point is that the simple life of seminary students could be an evident practical example for the other youths. (Pay attention)

Around 99 percent of seminary students marry while undergoing studies, and although their courses at the seminary are very heavy and difficult and they are engaged in it full time, they can live in utmost purity and simplicity with the meagre allowance paid by seminary treasuries, or through agriculture or a simple job during summer, without facing with fateful consequences of loneliness, while they feel tranquillity and happiness in this respect.


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