Rafed English

Pitfalls of love

Adapted from: "Sexual problems of Youths by: "Ayatullah Makarim Shirazi"

As we have already said, “love” means “a powerful extraordinary attraction” between two individuals, or generally between two creatures to achieve a pure objective. It is one of the glorious appearances of human spirit, and the most excellent masterstrokes of creation.

When marriage of two individuals is based on such fondness and affection; but a real and deep one and not a false and surface one, it will certainly remain steady. Such foundation is full of affection and pure love, and such marriages are fruitful, useful, reliable and comforting.

However, it differs with false and artificial love (which is apparently fiery) and the transient caprices, the final aim of which is illegitimate satiation of desires, and then forgetting everything.
Even in real love and pure fondness, there are great pitfalls, which should never be overlooked!
First pitfall

Ordinary affections have a powerful “whitewash” and cover-up effect, what to say about extreme and extraordinary interests!

That is, if we assume that man has two eyes of “satisfaction” and “hate”, the latter is totally closed for one in love so that he (she) may explain the worst “faults” as the best “merits” through strange justifications and interpretations.

One who gives the least advice to these “restless lovers”, will face a harsh reaction, because the lover thinks and believes that he has no purpose other than enmity, envy, meanness, …, and so he opposes the other party.

The lovers usually think that they have found such perception under the grace of love, that the others do not have, and therefore, judgments and advices of others are the result of their unawareness and improper understanding as well as their wrong evaluation of the realities of life. Here, giving advice to such a lover is not fruitful and sometimes it is very dangerous.

When these ‘fiery but baseless loves” are extinguished through sexual intercourse, the veils are drawn aside, and the eye of realism opens. It seems that the restless lover has awaked from a long deep and delightful dream.

The merits have been changed and everything has lost its previous pleasant and faultless appearance!

Then, an ineffable penitence and depression casts its heavy and disastrous shade on him/her. A choking darkness and obscurity covers his/her spirit. Sometimes, the distance between these two states is so much that his/her whole life is buried therein, and one is so fearful that may commit suicide.

It is not easy to prevent this state and its side effects, and the restless lovers do not accept any advice. Intellectual reasoning is of no use to them, because their logic differs with that of the others, and the distance of their world with the others is so much that basically, no common language is found between them to understand others!

They only deal with the language of love, and others with the language of logic and intellect, while there is a big distance between the two.

However, their friends shall penetrate into their mind carefully and elegantly, without bruising their feelings, which is very dangerous. They shall discuss the issues with them indirectly, and mention the realities, problems and their mistakes in form of questions. We shall let the restless lover (engaged in his love wrongly) to return step by step from the path he/she has already trodden and let them think that they themselves have perceived the reality, and has come to know their mistakes, and return with their own will, not through the advice of others.

The youths too shall suggest to themselves the possibility of this great danger in the normal states to be settled in their unconscious decisively. Since the powerful waves of the unconscious mind do not stop in such critical states, when logic and conscious system fail to operate, it can help such people greatly, and deliver them from the danger of love. The youths shall suggest to themselves that they always respect the utterances of others (the sane and informed people), and rely on them in such cases.

Implicit agreements with such restless lovers and counting the positive points of their beloved, and confessing that they are not totally mistaken in their recognition, are very effective in attraction their confidence, so that they may respect the thoughts of their advisor and pay attention to his advices.

It must be kept in mind that humiliation and blame of such individuals has a very undesirable effect, and it should be strictly avoided. Moreover, it is ungenerous and unfair to blame and rebuke those involved in such a dangerous situation.


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