Married Life

Adopted from the book : "Principles of Marriage" by : "Sheikh Ibrahim Amini"

Every institution, factory, and organization needs a responsible manager. In any sociological unit and organization, cooperation between the staff is important. However, running the affairs of such a unit needs a manager who can coordinate the duties. One of the very important social units is the 'family'. Running the affairs of this unit is very vital and difficult.

Undoubtedly, there must be a deep understanding, and cooperation among the members of a family, but there must also be a manager who can act responsibly with regard to the family matters. Needless to say, if a family does not enjoy a person who can organize others it would suffer from disorder and chaos. Thus, either the husband must act as the director and the wife follows, or vice versa.

However, since the logical aspect of men is dominant over their emotional aspect, they can be better managers. The Almighty Allah states in the Holy Qur'an:

"Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their money; the good women are therefore obedient... (4:34)."

Thus it is in the interest of the members of a family to regard the man as their guardian and the one in charge, and to seek his supervision in their deeds. However, one should not conclude that the status of a woman in the house is belittled, but it is a fact that maintaining the order and discipline in the house requires the management of the husband. Women who can think without being biased, would confirm this act.

"A woman said: 'We had a good tradition in Iran which has unfortunately faded away gradually. In this tradition the man used to be in charge of the family affairs. He used to be the boss. Nowadays, however, the situation is changed, and families cannot make their minds up as to who should be in charge. I believe that the woman of today, who more or less have the same social status as men, should accept her husband as the chief of the house... This old tradition has to be recommended to today's young woman, who intends to marry. She should enter her husband's house wearing a wedding dress and come out of it wearing a shroud'." 79

It is true that the everyday preoccupations of life do not allow man to participate in all the family affairs and that in practice the wife runs the house according to her desires, but nevertheless, the right of directorship remains with the man, and as such he should be respected.

Therefore, should a man express his opinion about any point in the household matters or suggest any thing, the wife should not oppose him or deny him his right of directorship in any way. Otherwise, the man would regard himself as powerless and look upon his wife as an impolite and ungrateful woman. He might hold a grudge against her and, at a later stage, even resist his wife's lawful wishes.

"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: ' A good man would pay heed to her husband's wishes and would act according to his desires'." 80

"A woman asked the Prophet (SA) of Allah: 'What is the duty of a woman with regard to her husband?' The Prophet (SA) stated: 'She must obey him and must not violate his orders'." 81

"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'The worst of women is one who is stubborn and obstinate'." 82 "The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'The worst of women is one who is barren, dirty, obstinate and disobedient'." 83 Dear madam! accept the authority of your husband. Seek his supervision in your household affairs. Do not violate his orders. Do not resist or oppose his participation in the household and family matters. Do not reject his participation even in those matters that you have more expertise. Do not practically make him powerless. Let him participate in your work occasionally. Teach your children to respect his authority, and ask them to get permission from their father in their affairs. Your children must learn not to violate his orders from an early age. This way your children will be brought up as obedient to their parents.