How to Survive a Divorce?
Divorce can be difficult - but there are things you can do to make it less difficult that will give you the best chance to achieve the best possible solutions. Anger, hurt, sadness , confusion, frustration and resentment are very real, reasonable emotions during the divorce process. Staying stuck (or being dragged unwillingly back by the various unending circumstances of the day) in these emotions can completely weaken your reasoning and decision-making abilities. They can also rob you of your future happiness. Humor and laughter can increase your chances of divorce success.
1 Take care of yourself. You may have heard it before and not really followed through, thinking that this would involved a large time or money commitment (e.g. new exercise program, new diet, extra sleep, etc). But taking care of yourself can be simple -- for instance, just laughing more will make you feel better Laughter will improve your mental, emotional, and physiological well-being.
2 Use your newfound well-being to your advantage. Have a wonderful evening with your children, or keep your sanity and your peace while your spouse tries to rattle you, or make a better divorce agreement decision, or save an expensive call to your divorce lawyer just to vent. One thing is for sure - nothing bad will come of it.
3 Remember that marriage alone is not all there is in life. Even if your life centred around it while you were together, you are still a valuable human being with a purpose on this earth. You deserve to love and be loved. This is a difficult time, but you can and will get through it and find a better tomorrow.
4 Tell yourself that there is life always, with or without marriage. Your broken feelings are temporary and can be overcome, even if you feel the foundation of your everyday life is shattered. The pain you are going through is absolutely reasonable. However, imagine when you will be happy in the near future with a good relationship. All this pain will be very distant..
5 Move on....set new goals, learn new things, console yourself. Don't despise yourself. If your spouse left you, he or she might have told you that you drove them to this step with what you did or did not do. While relationships are dynamic and live from the words and actions of the involved partners, don't feel like you are the one who wrecked this relationship. Getting a divorce was a conscious decision of your spouse. If you feel guilty, think over the events that led up to your separation. Did your spouse try to keep your relationship together? Did you? Was divorce really a last resort or did your spouse simply opt for the easy way out of a rough patch? If you need to get angry, be angry and work through it. Don't harm yourself or others, though.
6 Know your own strength. No matter what others suggest you do, it is you who has to go through the whole divorce.You can definitely handle it.
7 Look for new activities to pursue. Are there hobbies that you enjoy or new activities that you would like to explore? It is a good time to get involved in something that distracts your mind from the difficult time you have been going through and gives you a sense of fulfillment and enjoyment. Another idea is to consider volunteering - helping others in need is often a good way to distract you from your own pain.
Go at your own pace. If your divorce is already Hell, and you can only handle one chuckle per week, start there. If your divorce process hasn't begun yet, but your marriage has been Hell for a while, then maybe you might try 5 minutes of comedy a night.
Don't let your spouses anger, or sadness of a divorce bring you down. You are always the one to come first so however your spouse chooses to deal with this, just focus on yourself, and making sure that you make it through the difficult process.
Work at becoming settled with yourself. Like yourself. You are always faithfully your own friend. Smile at yourself every morning and every evening in the mirror. Say "I like you" to yourself in the mirror daily. Until you are comfortable with yourself, alone, you will never really be able to 'join' with another person into a compatible, complementary couple.
Your future-ex-spouse might get very upset by your light-heartedness. It will show them that you are moving on. The best way to attract great things into your life is to be in a good emotional state.
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