Rafed English

Do not Go After Other Women

Adopted from the book : "Principles of Marriage" by : "Sheikh Ibrahim Amini"

A man must do his utmost to choose a woman that is suitable for him. He is in a position where he can exercise care and caution in finding a partner whom he is going to live with for the rest of his life. He, however, after marriage, should not go after other women. He must not think of any woman except his wife. He must realize that a girl has left her family to live with him and it is not right for him to pursue childish desires. He must make efforts in bringing his new family together and must try to create a friendly atmosphere at home.

A man who is interested in his own happiness, must, after marriage, give up naive thoughts and must adapt himself to a new life. It is senseless for a married man to joke with other women or express his affection for them. A man would also not like his wife to joke with men, A woman would not like this type of attitude of her husband towards other women.

A woman who sees her husband close to other women, would feel jealous and would be disheartened. She would lose interest in her house and family. She might retaliate with a similar action or seek divorce.

"A woman complained about her husband to the court. She had been married for thirty-three years and said that her husband had always been in the habit of jesting with other women." 211 "A woman complained to the court that her husband was always expressing interest in her friends. She said that she could not invite her friends to the house because they thought her husband was having an interest in them and that she was embarrassed because of him." 212 It is not proper for a married man to have an eye on other women. Ogling and having eyes at other women results in internal anxiety, nervousness and indifference towards one's family.

Allah states in the Holy Qur'an: "Say to the believing men that they cast down their looks and guard their private parts..." (24:30). Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'A lewd look is a poisonous arrow thrown by satan. It is likely that such a glance would be the cause of sorrow and grief for some time'." 213

Flirting is regarded as an illness by psychiatrists. An eye which has become used to this habit, would never be satisfied. Looking in this manner becomes a cause of many corruptions, where the youth can deviate from the right path. What the eyes do not see the heart would not desire. One might initially resist the grave consequences of forbidden glances, but finally he may break down, and become influenced by what he has seen.

"Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'Frequent (forbidden) looks create lust in one's heart, and this is sufficient for deviating the looker'." 214 Islam, knowing the harm of such lewd looks, has forbidden it altogether.

A man who suddenly sees a woman in the streets or elsewhere, should at once direct his look somewhere else or close his eyes. He should not persist in staring at women. This may be difficult at first, but with a little practice he can do it.

Wise people know that preventing oneself from forbidden looks would remove many potential dangers such as murder, crime, suicide, divorce, nervous breakdown, mental disorders, weakness or heart, anxiety, family rows, etc. I am aware of the difficulties that the youth are confronted with at this age, and I know that closing one's eyes to obscene scenes in the streets and elsewhere is not easy, but there is not any way other than to ignore them.

A man who can close his eyes to other women, would be protected from many corruptions. Instead he would enjoy his family and peace of mind. Dear Sir! if you are after happiness, once married, do not take notice of other women. Do not make compliments to other women in front of your wife. Do not say: "I wish I had married Miss...; missed many good opportunities..."

Such statements would hurt your wife and she would grow cold towards you and life. She might even try to do the same and talk similarly. As a result your life would lack happiness. Pitiful are those men, who for a few moments of lust, chase after corrupt women and leave their own chaste wives, as if they have never known family love and sincerity. Such men are like animals who have only concentrated on eating, sleeping, and lust. They seem to be strangers to humanity and affection.

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