Rafed English

Showing Love Through Trust

  1. Remember that actions often speak louder than words. Don't just say something, do something. It sometimes bothers your spouse when you consistently say you'll do something, but never get around to doing it. When your words don't have any initiative behind them, they start losing some of their oomph and your spouse may start trusting you less.

    • Don't make excuses. Excuses may be real for you, but they sound like excuses to your spouse. Man or woman up, admit when you make a mistake, and try to make it better next time. Your spouse will notice.
  2. Trust that your spouse acknowledges your efforts. Love is not a competition: It's not about getting your due or being "even" with your spouse. Trust that your partner realizes how lucky s/he is to have you.
    • Don't always ask for validation. Validation is important, but learn to get by without it, even if you desperately want it. You may have just gotten your husband an amazing gift, and for whatever reason, he's not especially grateful; trust that he appreciates your effort and the present, and don't dwell on the lack of validation.
    • Trust your partner to be by him/herself. Unless there's a history of infidelity, try to trust your partner to make responsible, loving decisions in your absence. If they're out for beers with friends, or at a bachelorette party, trust them. They'll be surprisingly likely to honor your trust if you actually extend it.
  3. Remember what love is. Love is an act of the will, not a warm feeling or a clever expression of experience. Although love is different for every person, and every person shows it differently, love often requires you to deny yourself and seek to meet your beloved's needs.

    • Think about the last time your spouse made you smile. What did s/he do to make you feel like you were the luckiest person in the world? Is there anything that you can do that might make them feel the same way back to you?
    • Go the extra mile for them. The modern world has made us busy; we're constantly doing stuff, and we never seem to have enough time to do it. Can you go out of your way to help your spouse do something that they need to do, that they dislike doing, or merely something they'd appreciate?
      • Get the oil changed in his car; press or iron his shirts before a big day at work or an interview; make a cocktail for when he comes home from work.
      • Get her breakfast in bed; buy a gift certificate and urge her to go shopping with her girlfriends; do the lawn, clean the gutters, or prune the trees.

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