Do not Go After Other Women
A man must do his utmost to choose a woman that is suitable for him. He is in a position where he can exercise care and caution in finding a partner whom he is going to live with for the rest of his life. He, however, after marriage, should not go after other women. He must not think of any woman except his wife.He must realize that a girl has left her family to live with him and it is not right for him to pursue childish desires. He must make efforts in bringing his new family together and must try to create a friendly atmosphere at home.
A man who is interested in his own happiness, must. after marriage, give up naive thoughts and must adapt himself to a new life.
It is senseless for a married man to joke with other women or express his affection for them. A man would also not like his wife to joke with men. A woman would not like this type of attitude of her husband towards other women.
A woman who sees her husband close to other women. would feel jealous and would be disheartened. She would lose interest in her house and family. She might retaliate with a similar action or seek divorce.
Woman complained about her husband to the court:
She had been married for thirty-three years and said that her husband had always been in the habit of jesting with other Women.
"A woman complained to the court that her husband was always expressing interest in her friends. She said that she could not invite her friends to the house because they thought her husband was having an interest in them and that she was embarrassed because of him."
It is not proper for a married man to have an eye on other women. Ogling and having eyes at other women results in internal anxiety, nervousness and indifference towards one’s family.
Allah states in the Holy Qur'an: "Say to the believing men that they cast down their looks and guard their private parts ... (24:30)."
Imam S?diq (AS) stated: "A lewd look is a poisonous arrow thrown by satan. It is likely that such a glance would be the cause of sorrow and grief for some time’."
Flirting is regarded as an illness by psychiatrists. An eye which has become used to this habit, would never be satisfied. Looking in this manner becomes a cause of many corruptions, where the youth can deviate from the right path. What the eyes do not see the heart would not desire.
One might initially resist the grave consequences of forbidden glances, but finally he may break down, and become influenced by what he has seen.
"Im?m Sadiq (AS) stated: 'Frequent (forbidden) looks create lust in one’s heart, and this is sufficient for deviating the looker’."
Islam, knowing the harm of such lewd looks, has forbidden it altogether.
A man who suddenly sees a woman in the streets or elsewhere, should at once direct his look somewhere else or close his eyes. He should not persist in staring at women. This may be ditTicult at first. but with a little practice he can do it.
Wise people know that preventing oneself from forbidden looks would remove many potential dangers such as murder, crime, suicide, divorce, nervous breakdown, mental disorders, weakness or heart, anxiety, family rows, etc.
I am aware of the difficulties that the youth are confronted with at this age, and I know that closing one’s eyes to obscene scenes in the streets and elsewhere is not easy, but there is not any way other than to ignore them.
A man who can close his eyes to other women, would be protected from many corruptions. Instead he would enjoy his family and peace of mind.
Dear Sir! if you are after happiness, once married, do not take notice of other women. Do not make compliments to other women in front of your wife.
Do not say: "I wish I had married Miss ... : missed many good opportunities ..."
Such statements would hurt your wife and she would grow cold towards you and life. She might even try to do the same and talk similarly.
As a result your life would lack happiness. Pitiful those men, who for a few moments of lust, chase after corrupt women and leave their own chaste wives, as if they have never known family love and sincerity. Such men are like animals who have only concentrated on eating, sleeping, and lust. They seem to be strangers to humanity and affection.
Be Grateful
Housework may possibly seem an easy job to some men. but it is only fair to acknowledge it as a hard and tedious job.A housewife, even if she works all day and night. would not be able to finish all her work. Cooking, cleaning, washing the clothes and ironing, washing the dishes and arranging them, making the beds, and arranging the furniture and above all taking care of children, not one day, but everyday is very difficult.
A man might think that his wife is just cooking food three times a day and forgets about the rest of her work.
Only a man who is prepared to stay in the house for a month and do the housework,would know the pressures involved. He would then appreciate his wife’s efforts.
A housewife does all this work happily but she expects her husband to appreciate her and to show his gratitude. Dear Sir! what is wrong with thanking your wife for her housekeeping? Why should you not express your fondness for the food she cooks? What is wrong with thanking her with regard to her efforts in taking care of your children? Are you not aware that your appreciatioin for her would encourage and refresh her?
If you remain indifferent to her efforts, or do not show your gratitude, she would lose interest in the housework and then you would complain about her. You should know that you could be the cause of your wife’s indolence.
If a stranger does you a small favour, you would thank him many times, but upon your wife’s many favours you are not even thanking her once! You are not prepared to even make her happy by showing your appreciation for all her efforts.
"A twenty-nine year old housewife wrote from Tehran:
"I am married to an ungrateful and an inappreciative man who ignores my housework altogether. I wash, clean, cook. decorate the house, knit jumpers for the family, polish his shoes, iron his clothes, etc and he has not even once thanked me. Whenever [talk to him about the work in the house, he interrupts me and says that I should not praise it before him. He belittles my efforts, whereas his success is mostly due to my hard work’."
Some men regard it as a manly act to ignore their wives’ housework. They think if they make compliments to their Wives for their work, the women would be spoiled. They might even believe that a man and wife do not need to thank each other.
This belief is not right, because any good-doer from , psychological point of view, needs appreciation and gratitude. Appreciation encourages one to do good, and this. is especially true for a housewife who is doing a tedious job everyday over and over again.
Thus Islam regards being thankful as a good quality in one’s behaviour.
"Im?m S?diq (AS) stated: 'Whoever praises a Muslim, Allah would Write many praises for him until the Day of Judgement’."
"The Prophet (SA) of Islam stated: 'Whoever respects a Muslim, and speaks affably to him, and removes his sorrow would always be under the blessings of Allah’."
Be Clean at Home Also
"The Holy Prophet (SA) saw a man who was dirty, had messy hair and looked unattractive. The Prophet (SA) stated: 'Using the blessings of Allah is a part of the faith (of Islam)’.""The Prophet (SA) of Islam also stated: 'A dirty person would be a bad worshipper of Allah "
"In addition, the Holy Prophet (SA) stated: Jibra’il (Gabriel) laid so much stress on brushing the teeth that I feared for them’."
Cleanliness and beauty is not only for women, but men should also be clean and well-dressed. Some men are not bothered about their cleanliness and take a bath only once in a while. They do not care for the state of their clothes and do not bother about triming their beards. They smell badly and thus make others keep away from them.
Those men who are careful about cleanliness and do lay importance on their clothing, mostly do so outside their own houses. That is they look clean and well-dressed outside the house for the people, not inside their homes for their families. They appear very smart in the streets, gatherings, etc but as soon as they return home, they change into worn out clothes. They rarely attend to the state of their hair and faces at home for the sake of their families.
They might not even bother to wash their faces before eating breakfast. Men of this kind make their families not bother to look at them.
Dear Sir! if you cannot tolerate a dirty and shabby dressed wife, and you expect her to look clean and beautiful at home, then be sure that she expects the same from you. She, too, hates the sight of a dirty, smelly and untidy husband. She also likes to see you clean and smart.
If you do not satisfy her expectations with regard tc smartness, then she would notice other men who are clean and smart and she might even think they are from another world. She compares you with them and might lose interest in you. Therefore, try to look good at home as well as outside. Your wife would not notice other men if you were successful in drawing her attention toward yourself. Why should you look good for strangers in the streets but look messy before your wife and children?
Therefore, the holy religion of Islam orders men adorn themselves for their wives.
"The Prophet (SA) of Islam stated: 'It is obligatory man to provide his wife with food and clothing, and not appear before her with an unpleasant appearance. If he (the above mentioned), then he would take care of her rights’."
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'You (men) must make yourselves tidy and be prepared for your wives, as you would like them (your women) to be prepared for you."
"Hasan ibn Jiham says: 'I saw Hadrat Abu al-Hasan (AS) who had dyed his hair. I asked if indeed he had dyed his hair’. He stated: 'Yes, adornment of man (for the sake of hi wife) helps her keep her chastity. Women who deviate from the path of chastity do so due to the carelessness and faultsof their husbands.’ Hadrat Abu al-Hasan then stated: 'Do you like to see your wife untidy?’ I replied: .No.’ He then added:
"She thinks just as you do’." Im?m Rid? (AS) stated: 'Women of the Bani Israel deviated from the path of chastity because their men were not bothered about cleanliness and their good looks.’ The Im?m then added: 'What you expect of your wife, she expects the same from you’."
Nurse Your Wife
The husband and wife always need each other’s cooperation and expression of love. However, this need becomes more intense at times of illness and on other similar occasions. An ill person, just as he needs a doctor and medicine, requires nursing and loving care. A good nurse would be able to help a patient recover better and faster.A woman also expects her husband to nurse her when she is bed-ridden. She expects him to care for her more than her parents.
A woman who works at home like a maid, deserves such loving care from her husband. She rightly expects her husband to take care of her.
Paying for treatment and medicine is one of the usual expenditures of life and a man is duty-bound to provide her with the necessary money. A woman who is working at home without any wages, certainly has a right to expect her husband to pay for her treatment.
There are men who are shamelessly unfair. They use their wives when they are healthy anable, but refuse to pay money when they are ill. Any little money men spend for their wives’ treatment is accompanied by many complaints. Some men, if they feel the cost of treatment is high, might even lose their wives. Is this behaviour really fair? "A woman was complaining about her husband. She said: 'I was working hard at home and went through many happy and harsh times with my husband. However, now that I have become ill my husband wants to leave me’."
Dear Sir!if you are interested in your happiness and your family’s prosperity, you must take your wife to a doctor when she becomes ill. You must pay for her treatment. Moreover, you must nurse her kindly. Now that she has left her parents to live with you, she expects you to be more loving to her than her parents. She is your partner and the mother of your children. Sympathize with her and make her hopeful of a speedy recovery. Cook for her. Prepare suitable food and buy the prescribed items. Feed her. All this will make her happy.
Keep the children quiet. Be watchful of her at night. Whenever she is awake ask how she is. If she cannot sleep because of pain, then stay up with her. You can even ask your children to help you look after their mother. Do not ever leave your wife unattended, especially when she is in pain.
At such times, your wife would notice your love and Would in turn love you more.
She would be proud of you and would attend the children more, once she is healthy again.
"The Prophet (SA) of Islam stated: 'The best of you is :
the one who is better towards his family, and I am to my family the best among all’."
"The Prophet (SA) of Islam also stated: 'Who, makes efforts to realize a wish of an ill person, would be purified from his sins, just as the day he was born’. One of the Ans?rs (helpers who helped the Prophet (SA) settle in Madinah) asked: '0 Prophet (SA) of Allah! may my parents be sacrificed for you, what if the ill person is from amongst your family (A/al al-Bayt)? Is there not more reward in this case?’ The Prophet (SA) of Allah replied: 'Yes’."
Family Economy
To arrange for alimony of wife is wJjib (obligatory) for husband. That is a man is duty-bound to pay for the expenses of his wife such as food, clothes, house, doctor, and medicine. He would be wrong not to maintain his wife and could be prosecuted by law.One cannot expect a family to live without any expense. They all need food, medicine, clothes, and a place to live in. However, they might ask for unnecessary items in which case one can disobey them and not conform with their various desires.
A wise man would spend according to his earnings. He must classify the necessary commodities and purchase them in the order of priority whenever he can. I-fe must also save some money for a rainy day. Some money must be put away for the house rent or purchasing a new place. He must not forget the electricity, water, gas, and telephone bills. Taxes have to be paid and school fees must be kept in mind. He must seriously avoid overspending and not pay for unimportant items. A calculated manner of spending would never confront one with bankruptcy or debt.
Allah regards balanced spending as a sign of faith and states in the Hoiy Qur’ân: "And they who when they spend. are neither extravagant nor parsimonious, and (keep) between these the just mean (25:67)."
"Imàm S?diq (AS) stated: I guarantee a person, who spends moderately, would never become poor’."
"lm?m Sadiq (AS) also stated: 'There are four groups of people whose prayers would not reach the level of acceptance; one group of persons is that which wastes his wealth and then asks the Almighty Allah, 0 Allah! give me my sustenance. Then Allah replies, had I not ordered you to observe moderation (in your expenditure)’."
"Abdullâh ibn Ab?n says: 'I asked Müsà ibn J’afar (AS) about maintaining one’s family and he stated: Extravagance and niggardliness are both abominable. One must not lose moderation’."
A wise man would avoid borrowing money and would not take a loan for unessential purposes. An economy which is based on loans (with interests), received from banks and other establishments is Islamically and logically wrong and is not praiseworthy:
Buying goods on hire-purchase system, although makes your house look good, but takes away your comfort and peace of mind.
Why should one buy unnecessary goods more expensively and fill the pockets of bankers by instalments? What kind of a life is it when every thing is acquired at a hire-purchase price? Is it not better for one to wait and save his money in order to buy goods at cheaper prices?
It is true that earning money is difficult and it affects One’s life a great deal,however, more important is the way in Which one spends his money. There are families with good earnings who are always under debts of others. There are also many families with low earnings who live comfortably. The difference between the two is the way they spend their earnings. Therefore, it is advantageous to a family that t man either takes control of expenditures or Supervises the oy who is responsible for it.
Finally, it is reminded that meanness is just as bad overspending. If a man has more earnings he must make his family more comfortable and provide their essent requirements as much as possible.
Wealth and money are all for spending and providi, the necessities of life, and not for piling up and leaving themi behind in this world.
The signs of wealth must be apparent in one’s family arid house. What is the use of working hard and not spending?
One must use his wealthwithregard to hisfamilyand his own comfort. It is hateful to see someone who is able moneywise but his children long for good food andclothes. Children of a stingy person would wait for his death to shatë his wealth.
If the Almighty Allah bestows his blessings onto someone, this blessing must be apparent in that person’s life.
"The Prophet (SA) of Islam stated: 'He is not one of us (followers of Prophet(SA)).who possesses money but keeps his family away from his wealth’."
Imàm Rid? (AS) stated: 'It is worthy of a man to grant his family-members with comfort by his spending, so that they do not await his death’.
"lm?m 'All (AS) stated: 'Arrange fruits for your dependents every Friday so that they may be pleased with the ' coming of Friday’."
