Extend Your Help in the Household Works
Although housekeeping is a duty of women, it must be realized that running the affairs of a house is not an easy task.A housewife, however much time she spends on housekeeping, would not be able to do it all. This is especially true when one has to entertain one’s guests or when one becomes ill, etc. Housekeeping is tiresome for a housewife and thus husbands are expected to assist their wives in this respect.
It is not fair that a man sits around the house idly while his wife remains busy in so much works. It is only proper for him to help his wife as much as possible whenever he can.. This help is a sign of affection which attracts one’s wife to her 'husband and family.
It is not at all a manly act that a man should not touch anything around the house, or orders his wife around. A house is not a command headquarters, but a place of love, kindness, and cooperation.
Dear sir! do not think that working at home is degrading. On the contrary, through your assistance, your wife would appreciate you more.
"The Prophet (SA) of Islam, who is the most revered person in history, used to help in the houseworks’."
"'Ayishah, the wife of the Prophet (SA) said: 'Whenever the Prophet (SA) was free from his work, he used to sew his clothes, repair his shoes and used to work at home like other men’."
Return Home Soon
An unmarried man is free to spend his time, but once married, he must alter his programme. He cannot stay out for any length of time that he desires. He should inform his wife of his whereabouts, etc. He must not forget that his wistays at home all the day, cleans the house, washes the dishes, and cooks. She waits for him to return home as soon as his work finished, to see him, talk to him, and to enjoy his company.The children look forward to seeing their father too. It is not fair that a man should leave his family at home and pursue 14 enjoyment somewhere else.
Marriage is not only providing food and clothes fo one’s family. A woman is her husband’s partner and not servant. She is not there to work all the day and get fed iç return, but rather she hopes to have a permanent friend an& partner.
Some men are truly unfair, unjust, and foolish. They leave their wives and children at home and spend their nightu somewhere else. The money that they should spend at home for the family, they waste at other places. Such men have nap yet understood the meaning of love and affection and regard their cheap and filthy enjoyments as a way of good living. They overlook the fact that they would degrade themselves, Through such deeds. Others would recognize them as silly and impudent.
These men are the causes of the unhappiness of themselves and their families. Their acts drive their wives te seek a divorce from them.
"A man who bad divorced his wife, said in the court: 'At the beginning of my marriage, I had certain friends that I used. to go out with, while leaving my wife bchincL.., and I used to return home in the early hours of the morning. My wife, wltd was fed up with this situation, obtained a divorce. We had tal children, whom I was supposed to meet twice a month. Somr time passed like this. But it is quite some time now that my children are in hiding and I am desperate to see children."
"A woman said: 'I am frustrated with loneliness. My husband does not care about me at all. Every night for his own enjoyment he is out until the early hours of the morning '"
Be Faithful
Upon a marital covenant, the individual lives of two persons converge into a single social joint life. The holy covenant of marriage means that a man and a woman promise each other to be together for the rest of their lives, to help each other, to be kind and understanding at all times, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, happiness and sorrow, etc.Humanity demands that one should remain faithful to one’s promises. A married couple should not forget their treaty at difficult times.
A young girl who chooses one man to live with her for the rest of her life, expects him not to leave her at an age when she is no longer a young woman any more. It is not fair that a man should seek pleasure with any one other than his wife.
A woman who contributes a great deal in building a strong family with good economical prospects, does not expect her husband to go after another woman.
A woman who works hard at home, naturally hopes that her husband would not deprive her of his love and affection at times of sickness and inability to work. The least she expects of him is not to go after his pleasure alone. Some men are truly emotionless. When their wives are young and good-looking they enjoy their company, but leave them when they lose their good look.
Dear sir! you are not an animal whose life is all eating and lust. You are a human being with emotion conscience and sacrificial characteristics. Is it really fair thing you pursue your enjoyment away from your wife? If yes, then you are an oppressor and as such you would be punished in this very world. If you spend your time with another.
woman, then for the sake of a few minutes of enjoyment, yo may indeed lose yourpeace of mind and Would be affected i’ nervousness. Besides you would be disgraced before peoIe.’ Your children would not accept you either and would react by being malicious to you.
If your wife ever becomes ill, take the necessary steps tt cure her, and if she has an incurable illness, then stay with her, sacrifice yourself and do not remarry while she is still alive.
Do not disappoint her during the difficult times. What would you expect if you were in her situation? It is only faiF , that she would expect the same from you.
Is it right that your wife, when you are ill, should seek a divorce? Would she not be disgraced in the eyes of your friends and relatives? So if you agree that faithfulness anE[ sincerity are good, then try to be faithful.
Education and Training
A young newly married woman has the responsibility of running the affairs of her husband and as such she would need knowledge of cooking, cleaning, ironing, sewing, arranging the furniture, entertaining her guests, socializing with others, taking care of her child, etc.Her husband would expect her to know all of this.
However, his expectations may not be realized most of the time becauSe his young wife’s knowledge about housekeeping is either non-existent or very little indeed.
What can one do? This is a problem in our societies. Neither the parents are bothered, nor the educational system contains enough programmes to meet this need. Nevertheless one should find a solution to this problem.
A man, since intending to live with his wife for the rest of his life, must help educate her, because usually men are older than their wives and thus more experiened.
A man, through patience, can educate his wife and teach her things that he knows. He can even ask his mother, sister or aunts about things that he does not know or can even buy books on the related subjects like cooking, tailoring, housekeeping, etc.
A man must also encourage his wife to read the books which may prove to be morally helpful. He must correct her moral shortcomings with good manners and not by protesting, or else she would react against him.
A man, through patience, can educate his wife according to his own way of living within the first two years of their marriage. He may not be successful one hundred percent but undoubtedly would be near satisfaction.
Such education needs patience, time, and wisdom.but a man should try to achieve it. This is because a good partner and a good mother for his children is a blessing for a man.
One of the important points that a Muslim married man should remember is the fact that his wife is also a Muslim and may be unaware of the Islamic code of life and laws. She may not even know about havirrg wuzü (ablution), praying, etc.
As a matter of fact it is a duty of parents to teach their children all the necessary Islamic matters and precepts, Unfortunately, however, parents are mostly ignorant of this fact and without teaching their daughters any thing about Islam, marry them off. Thus their responsibility falls upon the shoulders of time men they marry.
Dear sir! it is your responsibility to familiarize your Wife with Islamic precepts and to teach her the dos and don’ts of the religion. Make her learn about Islamic behaviour. If yc cannot do this then seek help from others or arrange for books and articles on Islam and make her read and practise them. You can even arrange her education and training through an honest and learned person.
In brief, it is a responsibility of a man to encourage his wife to do good and to forbid her from committing any wrong. If he conforms with this responsibility then he would * enjoy the company of a well-behaved, kind, moral, and wise wife.
If he, however, neglects his duty, he would suffer by having an ignorant wife whose faith is weak and who is not immfrom immorality. He would also be questioned by Allah in the next world regarding his negligence.
Allah states in the Holy Quran: "0 you who believe! Save yourselves and your families from afire mt’hose fuel is men and stones ... (66:6)."
ImEm S?diq (AS) stated: 'When the above Ayah (verse) was revealed, one of the Muslims was crying and said: 'I am unable to save even myself from the Hellfire and I am supposed to be responsible to save my family from Hell as well’! The Prophet (SA) stated to this man: 'It would suffice you only to order them to do those things that you have to do yourself and to forbid them from those deeds that you yourself should abstain from’."
"The Holy Prophet (SA) stated: 'Men have been made guardians and responsible for their families and as such they are responsible for their dependents’."
"The Holy Prophet (SA) has also reminded women:
'Invite your husbands to do good before they persuade you to commit wrong deeds’."
Having A Child
One of the possible sore points for a couple is having a child. That is a woman may want to have a child but her husband disagrees or vice versa. This problem sometimes becomes very serious as a result of which a couple may resort to divorce."Mrs ... made a complaint to the court and said: 'I married at the age of twenty-seven years when my husband had just graduated from the university. He was a lecturer in one of the univerSitites and I felt that I was a lucky woman. However, my husband disagrees with having a child. I do not understand him because we are both healthy and have enough mony to at least bring up two children. He does not dislike children and treats his nieces and nephews well. I am thirty years old and naturally I wish I were a mother. He understands my feelings but says that a child would be a cause of inconvenience in our lives, and so on’. This woman, while stopping herself from crying, is confronted with a problem which is so serious that the couple has decided for a divorce, so that she would remarry while he would have enough time for his scientific research."
Love for children and reproduction is a natural desire of human beings and even of animals. Children are the fruit of life and the best legacy of mankind.
The life of one who has children would not be ended by his death but rather would be continued as ifwithan extended life. A person without a child or children would feel lonely and forlorn and would feel even worse in old age.
A house without children is a place of boredom, and would lack warmth and love. A marriage would always be in danger of breaking down if there were no children. Thus children are the source of family warmth and survival. "Im?m S?diq (AS) stated: 'One’s happiness is in ving children’."
Love for a child is a natural desire, but some people deviated from their natural 'self and are affected by an where they bring up different excuses, such as the lack money, for not having children. However, Allah that He would give sustenance to all His creatures.
"Bakr ibn Saleh said: 'I wrote a letter to Hadrat Abu Hasan (AS) saying that I had been taking measures against having a child for five years, because I wife had been reluctant to have one, and that she was lack of money would make it difficult for us to bring up child.’ I asked Hadrat Abu al-Hasan his opinion on thi matter. He replied: 'Do not prevent having a child, becau the Almighty Allah would provide him sustenance’."
Some people regard children as inconvenient. This is noI true and as a matter of fact children are the best source of enjoyment and amusement for the parents.
How narrow-minded are those men and women who for. the sake of not having children resort to divorce!
Is it not really surprising that a nan, and that too an educated one for that matter, should disagree with the laws of nature so persistently that he would even be prepared to divorce his wife?
Some couples do not disagree on having a child but argue over the time of having one. A woman or a man of this kind would say: "One must be free at a young age as a child would deprive one from being at liberty to enjoy oneself. It is better to wait until later to have one or two children". If both husband and wife are not of the same opinion, then arguments would start which may end in a divorce.
Let US remember that if one wants children, then this should be achieved at the earliest possible age. This is because children born from young parents are in some respects better off than those born from older Parents. Firstly. these children are healthier and stronger. Secondly, since they are from younger parentS. they can live for more time with their parents. They can be better educated and brought up. But children from older parents might become deprived of their parents’ guidance and teachings due to their death or disability. Thirdly, children of younger parents would reach an age of forming their own family and taking up jobs. while their parents are still alive. Thus they can be a great deal of help to their parents when they are old.
In brief, having children at a young age is better than at an older age. But this is not so important that it should cause rows or divorce. It is better for the husband or wife to agree mutually and not let it create a rift in their marriage.
Some couples disagree on the number of children they would like.
"A woman, while holding a baby in her arms, said:
'After four years of marriage I had two daughters with my husband, but since he wanted a son I became pregnant once more and again gave birth to a girl. I now have three daughters. My husband works in a bank and his salary does not suffice our family. He has recently been insisting that I should become pregnant many times until I give birth to a son. But I am not prepared for this because his earnings are not enough for us to educate our children the way we want. I have told him many timcsthat boys and girls are both good. I fear that if I become pregnant again I shall give birth to another girl. I am sure that he would again insist on havug another child. We cannot agree on this matter and thus have taken our case to the court’."
It is right that providing for education and training of many children is difficult and this is especially true in the case of those whose earnings are not high.
Therefore, it is better that couples decide on the number of children according to their moral and financial abilities. They must have understanding and be able to solve their problems through wisdom and kindness. It is not correct for either of them to insist on something illogical.
This problem is not so serious and should not lead a couple to have quarrels or resort to a divorce.
There are many families who either have many children or are satisfied with only one or two.
Some couples have differences about the sex of their proposed children. Some couples, men and women prefer having a son and do not take too kindly to having girls. The birth of a daughter would make a woman feel guilty and therefore she would keep silence because she was the one who has given birth. But the man might express his dissatisfaction. Men are different. Some do not express their dissatisfaction openly and just show a grim face. They do not particularly attend to their wives during the post-natal days. They look sad. Some men, however, react severely to the news of having a daughter. They become angry with their wives and pick up fault with them. They protest and create a row. Some men go further and might even beat them up or even divorce them.
"A woman said in the court: 'I got mafifteen months ago and became pregnant six months later. Recently. when the time for delivery was near, my husband said to me that I had to give birth to a son. But I felt that I might have twins or even triplets. A few days ago I gave birth to twin girls. I was very happy about it. When my husband came to know about the birth, he was upset and left the room. Later, when I asked him to take the girls home. he shouted at me and blamed me for delivering twin girls. He asked me to leave him. so I went to my parents and now I am applying br a divorce’
"Mrs ... said to a reporter in the court: 'After twenty-one years of marriage and having five children. I have to leave a life, to which I have contributed so much to. for another woman, a woman who is able to give birth to a boy.
I have five beautiful and talented daughters who are no problem to their father at all. What is my guilt if I cannot give birth to a boy. My husband is blaming me for it and wants me to allow him to remarry with another woman’."
Unfortunately, this quality has remained with some people from the time of Jahifljyah (age of ignorance) that they doubt the human nature of the female sex. They arc ashamed of having daughters and feel belittled.
In the age of ignorance. people used to bury their baby daughters alive. The Holy Qur’an mentions their deeds and states:
But Islam denounces this wrong idea and regards men and women as equal.
"The Prophet (SA) of Islam stated: 'The best of your children are your daughters’."
"The Prophet (SA) of Islam also stated: 'The sign of a lucky woman is that her first child is a girl’."
"In addition, the Holy Prophet (SA) stated: 'Whoever looks after three daughters or three sisters, Paradise would become incumbent upon him’."
It a girl was inferior. Allah would not have made his (Prophet’s ( SA)) descendents line continue through Zahrà (AS).
A girl is in some respects better than a boy.
Firstly, a girl is more sympathetic to their Parents.Boys , usually do not benefit their parents when they grow up and become independent. Girls, if parents do not place any preference on their sons, would be more loving towardc them.
Secondly, a girl requires less expense as compared to a boy, because she generally spends less time in her parents’ house since she gets married at an earlier age and leaves her parents with only a few items for her new life. But boys become young men who may stay with their parents for a long time. The parents would have to pay for his education, find him a job, may have to pay his expenses during his two years of military service, wherever necessary, and then marry him off to a young woman, after which he would need to be provided with a house, carpets, furniture, and so on. He would even seek financial help from his parents after his marriage.
Thirdly, if parents do not discriminate between their son and daughter, and if they treat their son-in-law kindly, the son-in-law would often be more helpful to them at times of difficulties and is usually more faithful to them in comparison to their own son.
Anyway, is it a womazVs fault if she gives birth to a girl? The man and wife are both involved in the action of procreation and a man has no right to blame his wife for this matter. Otherwise it is just as reasonable for a woman to blame her husband in this regard. However, neither are to be blamed. as it is only the will of Allah to determine the sex of a baby.
There are some experts who believe that the sex of a child can be determined from the fact as to how the mother is fed during the first two months of pregnancy. So if there are people who prefer a particular sex of a baby, they should get in contact with the experts and thus prevent a situation of lamiflg their wives.
An intellectual man. not only should not upset at having a baby daughter, but must be very happy too. He should show his happifless,ShOUld express his affection towards his wife and should even give her a present.
He could celebrate the new birth and even take logical steps in convincing his wife that a baby daughter is just as good as a baby boy, should she be upset with having a daughter.
A wise father would not discriminate between his son and daughter, would not condemn any body for having a daughter, and thus would fight the ignorant concepts of the 'Age of Ignorance’.
"A man heard the news of having a newly born baby daughter, while he was in the presence of the Holy Prophet (SA) of Islam. He became upset. The Prophet (SA) stated:
'Why are you upset?’ He said: 'When I was coming out of my house, my wife was having labour pain, and now they have brought the news to me that I have had a daughter’. The Prophet (SA) stated: 'The earth has enough room for her, and the sky provides her with shelter, and Allah will provide her with sustenance. She is a sweet smelling flower from which you will get much enjoyment’."
