Rafed English

Strictness in Marriage

Young men and women's need to marry is natural and intrinsic. It seems hard for them to resist sexual instincts for a very long time. Delaying marriage has at times led to corruption and sin. Preventing marriage has at times made young men and women ill. The need to marry and obstacles to marriage have at times led to a love affair which not only causes corruption, but may also leads to suicide attempts. When they reach the age of marriage and suggest they want to get married, some parents call them kids. They consider the need to get married as being rude. They attack their children and belittle them. Such a confrontation may lead children with a weak belief to deviation. Some parents propose such strict conditions for marriage which are either too hard or impossible for the parents of the other party to fulfill. Such insistence delays the marriage and the young human flowers will wither.

Sometimes when a young man goes to propose marriage, he encounters the sour faces of the girl’s family and gives up. The girl will then remain in her father's home with her feelings hurt, and she might get too old to marry. This may also happen with the boy's family.

At times, young men or women have limitations placed on their decision-making due to paternal or maternal domination. They do not marry and thus are hurt. There are also occasions when the young man or woman place such strict restrictions on marriage which prevent it. Such strictness is considered unjust, immoral, inhumane, ungodly and illegitimate in Islam. Those who are too strict are admonished about the consequences of their actions in this world and in the Hereafter. It is said that God the Benevolent is lenient with lenient people, and is strict with strict ones.

Being strict in marriage is similar to opposing the sexual urges and the natural human instincts of young men and women. God will be strict with those who are too strict and will deprive them of His Mercy and Favor. Himad, the son of Uthman said:

A man complained of someone to Imam Sadiq (Pbuh). A short time later another man arrived. When the first was asked the reason why he had complained he said, "This owes me money and I want to get my money back to the last penny." Imam Sadiq became angry, turned around and said to the creditor: "Have you not read God's statement in the Holy Quran":

Fear the terrible reckoning; [Holy Quran: Ra'd 13:21]

Do you think that this "terrible reckoning" refers to God's oppression of man. No, verily by God:

"They fear not but the deep investigation." Know that: "One who is so strict in investigating is committing evil." O' parents, young men and women, beware of strictness - especially in marriage . Avoid this inhumane act. Take it easy and provide the means for the marriage of your daughters and sons. This will prevent the spread of corruption and sin.

Adopted from the book: "The Islamic Family Structure" by: "Husayn Ansarian"

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