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Invest in your marriage (part 2)

Invest in your marriage (part 2)
Written by : Aliaa El Sawy

In our last article, we covered the foundations necessary for a marriage, which were “love, trust, sharing and security”. In this part, we will delve deeper into the discussion of issues like communication, sex, life routines and third party interferences. We will also give you some small tips on how to enhance your marital life.


Without effective communication between a husband and wife, marriage won’t last long. The effectiveness of your communication should not be measured by how long you talk, however, but by the level of understanding reached and how well you can express your thoughts and share your feelings with each other.

For effective communication try following these basic tips; first, you must choose the right time to start a conversation, then remember never to start with criticism, contempt or perpetual problems. Keep in mind that there are some unsolved problems in every marriage even in the strongest of marriages and between the happiest of couples, so don’t sacrifice a good relationship for some stupid mistakes. In healthy relationships, partners do not fear to voice out their dissatisfaction with certain issues, so don’t be passive when you have a problem because thinking about it may only make it bigger. When discussing a problem, though, keep in mind your respect for your husband and that you should be doing what you are out of love and care for this marriage.

Fights are never the best way to communicate. There are two problems with fighting, first, you don’t hear the other person while you’re busy preparing what you’re are going to say next or recalling all the previous fights and bad memories and second you tend to focus on proving yourself right and the other person wrong. Gradually, a little fight can turn into a war. No matter who started it, who was right and who was wrong, you must try to hear your husband out - putting your point of view aside. And understand that you do not have to prove your point of view, but find a way to establish a bridge of mutual understanding. It is very important to build a friendship with your husband and try to be the one he comes back to when he has problem at work or with one of his family member or friends.


A happy marriage is a mixture of a lot of ingredients, “good sex” being a very important one. You can wakeup in the morning to find your husband fussing over a little thing like losing one of his buttons on his shirt and all hell will break loose, when in fact the real reason behind his stress is the lack of sex, or an unsatisfactory sexual experience.

It is very important to know that men have sex to feel close to their wives and when this doesn’t happen they feel hurt, rejected and they shut down emotionally. You must also understand that when you neglect your husband's needs you will gradually drive him to spend less and less time with you. With women sex comes as a result of feeling close to their partner. Accordingly, they are more in the mood after a romantic dinner or a couple of minutes of sweet talk. For them it’s an enigma how men can have sex after a big fight. Keep in mind, it may just be their way of saying sorry I love you, so don’t reject him and instead use these moments to enjoy with him.

With a load of housework, the kids and in some cases a career, women are usually wasted by the end of the day and feel that sex is sometimes an extra duty. To get rid of these negative feelings you must have time for yourself. You will feel a lot sexier after treating your face with a new cleansing mask or getting your hair done and in turn this feeling will help you with sex. Also try thinking about your spouse during the day because missing him maybe another key to good sex.

On the other hand, remember that one of the main causes behind sexual dissatisfaction is the lack of communication. A lot of couples fail to talk openly about their sexual relationship. You might feel very close to your husband, yet can't talk about this essential part of your life. Think though if you are able to express your feelings, needs, fantasies and even fears of how it may lead to a healthier and more enjoyable sexual life for both of you.


Let’s face it, its really boring living with a fixed schedule, doing the same things day after day. Even if you do something you love or do it for the one you love it’s still boring. Don’t kill your marriage with stupid routines. It’s ok to make plans, but try to leave some space for things on the spur of the moment. So if your husband asks you to go out during the week, don’t turn him down because you have to wake up early and drive the kids to school or go to work. It’s also important that you not transform the little things you enjoy like candle-lit dinners or night massages into life routines because they might end up losing their effectiveness. Finally, when you plan your schedule for the week try to leave a day free for you to enjoy together alone.

Family and Friends:

Anyone besides you and your partner is a third party that has no place to interfere in your marriage. Mother - daughter relationships are always very close, but after marriage you must watch what you share with her. I heard my grandma once telling my mother “when you fight with you husband don’t come to tell me, later on you will forgive him because you love him but to me he will be the man that once hurt my loving daughter”. Sharing good news like pregnancy with your parents is a joy, but remember to first share the good news with your husband before telling a third party. Women generally think that best friends should share each others dreams, mistakes, fears and desires, but after marriage lots of those things involve your partner and it is better if you only share them with him.

Small Tips:

There are many small things that you can do in your marriage to show how much you care. Small things like these can prove very beneficial for your relationship. It’s important to remember though, while you do them, not to wait for any reward especially immediate.
  • Even if you don’t work yourself, wake him up in the morning to prepare a coffee and wish him a good day then get back to sleep.
  • Do your best to stay up and greet him with hug even if he was stuck working late.
  • When he removes dishes after dinner or arranges his clothes thank him for his help, even if you think that it’s his duty to share with the housework.
  • Keep track of his big business meetings so you remember to ask him how it went.
  • Remind him of his family’s birthdays especially his mom’s.
  • Learn some of his mom’s best recipes.
  • Get his mother a present on her birthday and on mother’s day.
  • If you have a person that helps at home, and your husband asks for tea or coffee let her prepare it but present it to him after adding your fine touch.
  • Give him a massage if comes back tired from work or prepare him a hot bubble bath.
  • Give him a present for every special occasion even if it’s something inexpensive you prepared yourself.
  • From time to time prepare him a surprise candle-lit dinner.
The main purpose of this article was to help you discover things about yourself, your partner and the nature of your marriage. Having a clear vision of your marriage; what is right and what is wrong will help you improve it. Don’t hesitate to take the first steps and always remember that it is the most important and worthy project of your life.

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