Married Life

How do you show your partner you love her? Do you give her flowers or chocolates? Do you take her out for a meal or cook a special dinner for her? Do you tell her half a dozen times a day, "I love you"?

If you're feeling guilty, just hold on for a minute. I might be about to let you off the hook on this one. I remember talking to a couple of friends once over dinner. They were having a (mostly) friendly banter about the fact that -- according to her --- he hardly ever showed that he loved her. He replied, "That's not fair. What about all those morning cups of coffee I make you? What about the weekends when I mind the kids? What about the times I wash your car?" She was firm in her response: "That's not romantic. Those are just favors." He looked completely baffled, and asked, "But why do you think I do them?"

We have a very narrow idea of what constitutes a romantic gesture. Flowers, chocolates, dinner, and saying "I love you." Those are the obvious ones. In fact there is an infinite number of ways to show someone you love them. Every little thing they do that they didn't have to, that they only did because they wanted to please you, is their way of saying, "I love you."

If you want to know how much your partner cares, don't just focus on flowers and chocolates. (Although those are fine too, at least in my book.) Think about the last time they changed the sheets when it wasn't their turn, fetched you an aspirin when you were feeling ill, or made a phone call for you because you didn't have the energy. If those mundane, banal, unromantic-sounding things aren't gestures of love, what the hell are they? What was the point of doing them?

If you learn to recognize these signs for what they are, not only will your partner feel their love is appreciated, but you'll also feel even more secure and happy after you realize that every cup of coffee is just a secret code for "I love you."