Rafed English

Hints on reducing and controlling family stress

  • Don't think for a second that you are alone in having to deal with family stress and anxiety. Millions of others share the same symptoms (some are just better than others in hiding them). It is your ability to handle the stress, not supress it, that makes the difference.
  • When problems begin to arise (as they always will), find the time put them on the table for family discussion. Avoiding problems almost always intensifies them. Discuss them, come to an agreeable situation, and move on!
  • Get everyone involved in family chores, tasks and such. This is especially necessary in 2-earner families. Everyone should know what needs to be done, and when. Get the children involved, too. It is insanity to have mom or dad running around like an idiot trying to get things done while perfectly capable children (meaning at at acceptable age) sit on their butts watching. The most common response to this seems to be "they do more damage than good! It's better that I just do it myself." That situation arises only out of lack of training and direction. In years past, young children were often responsible enough to handle certain "age specific" tasks.
  • Leave WORK at WORK! Unless it is an absolute necessity, leave paperwork and mental "work baggage" at the office. Although you probably will never be able to totally sever your attachment to work while at home (voice mail and email have pretty much ruined that option) you can put limits on that attachment. Don't make yourself available every minute of every day for work related issues. There must be certain times of the day and week where the family is your only focus. Getting organized at work goes a long way to helping accomplish this goal.
  • Set guidelines for all family members and learn to live within them. You can't do everything that your spouse or children want you to do--make them recognize and respect your limits. By not taking on more than you can handle, you decrease the likelihood that you will become buried in tasks that are beyond your capabilities.
  • Keep things in perspective! Concentrate on those items and tasks that bring the most rewards to your family and get the full benefit from them. Eliminate those that do not give benefit to the family (or worse, do harm to it).

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