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For our married brothers... How to please your wife

For our married brothers... How to please your wife

Beautiful Reception.

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

  • Begin with a good greeting.
  • Start with "Asalaamu Alaikum" and a smile. Salaam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well.
  • Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations


  • Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
  • Give her your attention when you speak or she speaks.
  • Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.
  • Call her with the pet names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.
Friendliness and Recreation

  • Spend time talking together.
  • Share with her good news.
  • Remember and share your good memories together.
Games and Distractions

  • Joke with her and have a sense of humor.
  • Play and compete with each other in sports or whatever.
  • Take her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
  • Avoid prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.
Assistance in the Household

  • Do what you can around the house to help out, especially if she is sick or tired.
  • The most important thing is making it obvious that you appreciate her hard work.
Consultation, (Shurah) specifically in family matters
  • Give her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
  • Consider her opinions carefully.
  • Be willing to change your opinion for hers if it is better.
  • Thank her for helping you with her opinions.
Visiting Others
  • Choose well-raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
  • Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
  • Don't force her to visit with those whom she does not feel comfortable.
Conduct During Travel
  • Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
  • Ask her to pray for you.
  • Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.
  • Give her enough money for what she might need.
  • Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc.
  • Return as soon as possible.
  • Bring her a gift!
  • Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
  • Take her with you if possible.
Financial Support
  • The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
  • He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadith).
  • He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him
Smelling Good and Physical Beautification
  • Follow the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
  • Always being clean and neat.
  • Put on perfume for her.
Guarding Privacy
  • Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.
Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
  • Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiyam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
  • Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
  • Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.
  • Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.
  • Take her on Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.
Showing Respect for her Family and Friends
  • Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
  • Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
  • Give them presents on special occasions.
  • Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
  • Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first. In this case the husband is also encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family.
(Islamic) Kid's Health & Admonition

This includes:
  • The basics of Islam.
  • Her duties and rights.
  • Reading and writing.
  • Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs.
  • Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women.
  • Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library.
Admirable Jealousy
  • Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
  • Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
  • Avoid excess jealousy.
Examples of this are:
1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and making negative interpretations of what she says.
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.
3- Preventing her from answering the phone, etc.

Patience and Mildness
  • Problems are expected in every marriage, this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until you have a marital breakdown.
  • Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
  • Forgive the mistakes she makes.
Pardoning and Appropriate Censure
  • Account her only for larger mistakes.
  • Forgive mistakes done to you, but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
  • Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
  • Remember that all humans err, so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing.
  • Avoid attacking her for bad cooking, as the Prophet (PBUH) never blamed any of his wives for this. If he liked the food, he ate it, and if he didn't then he did not eat and did not comment.
  • Before blaming her, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations.
  • Refrain from insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
  • When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.
  • Wait until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.

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