Educating the Child on Obedince to the Parents
- :Ismail Abdullah
The parents have a greater role to play in educating the children because the responsibility is on them before any other thing and they determine the future personality of the child while the school and surrounding society play the secondary role of the child education.
If the child is not habituated with the obedience to the parents he will not accept their advices, guidance, educational and reformatory orders. He will then create a lot of problems for himself, the parents and the society. As a result of that, he will be insubordinate to the laws, customs and stipulated traditions by the country and the society.
Imam Al-Hassan bn Ali Al-Askari (peace be upon him) said: "The child's boldness to the parents in the childhood result to his disobedient when he grows up" 121.
Imam Mohammad bn Ali Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "..... The worst child is he whose negligence has leads him to disobedience" 122.
Educating the child for obeying the parent needs continuous struggle to habituate him for that, because the child of this stage desire to build his personality and personal independence, therefore there is need of additional struggles from the side of the parents and the best means to habituates him on obedience is to let him feel of love and sympathy. DR. Yasri Abdul Muhsin says: (The most important factors that assist the child in obedience are love and sympathy, he observes from all the members of the family) 123.
Satisfying the child's essential needs is among the means of making him obedient like (peace, love, appreciation, freedom and need for compressing power) 124.
DR. Fakhir Aqil view this needs in the following form: (Need for self-assertion or stature, recognize him and his stature to be cautions of him ..... and the need for love peace and independence) 125.
When the child feels love, sympathy and appreciation from the parents, he will try to satisfy the parents and obedience in substantial of satisfaction.
The parents are the foundation in educating the child for obedience. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "May Allah bless the parents that help their child for their obedience" 126.
The means of assistance is as specified by the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) "May Allah bless a servant that help his child for his obedience by doing good to him, harmonize with him teaches and educates him" 127.
He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "May Allah blessed he who assist his child for his obedience, that is to forgive his short-comings and prays for him for what is between him and Allah" 128.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "May Allah blessed he who helps his child for his obedience ..... He accepts his feasible and over-looks his short-comings; he does not oppress him nor encroach with him ....." 129
The children's love for their parents is the reaction of the parent's love for them 130.
Verily obedience will occurred if love prevailed in the relations between the child and his parents. The children will obey the parent's orders if their orders are lenient, gentle and if it is inform of advices and guidance but if you apply reproach and tongue-lashing reverse will be the result, that is why the psychologist and the educationist advices parents to minimize tongue-lashing as it came from the saying of Anwar Jandi: (Tongue-lashing is aimed when an offence occurred because much tongue-lashing distress the hearing of the blamed one and lessen the cause of the utterances 131.
The child that obtains love and appreciation will not deem obedience to parent's order as imperfection for his wish for independence. With the love that the child feels will deepen his self acceptance to imitate the conduct of those that loves him like the parents, their conduct will then reflect in him and he will henceforth obeys them.
The child will have a rest and act as a matured in a form he will not offend the parents if he is treated as a matured human being that possess a stature, he will then be accustomed with obedient to the parents consequently he will obey all personalities he meets from his parents or from the school or from the community.
121 - Tuhfal Uquul: 368.
122 - Taareekh Yaquubi vol-2:320.
123 - Qaamoos Attifl Attibbi: 328.
124 - Ilmi Nnafs: 264 by Abdul Azeez Al-Qusi.
125 - Ilmi Nnafs Attarbawi: 100- 101- by fakhir Aqil.
126 - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol-2:618.
127 - Mustadrakil Wasaa'il vol-2:626.
128 - Uddati Ddaa'i: 61.
129 - Al-kafi vol-6:50/6 Children's obedience.
130 - Ilmi Ijtimaa'a: 252- by Lanqula Al-Haddaad printed by Daru Rraa'id 2nd edition 1982 A.D.
131 - Attarbiya WA binaa'il Ajyaal: 167.
Adapted from the book: "The Child's Education in Islam" by: "Ismail Abdullah"
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