Coping With Your Husband's Job
- :Sheikh Ibrahim Amini
11:45:50Adopted from the book : "Principles of Marriage" by : "Sheikh Ibrahim Amini"
Everyone has a job and jobs are different. For example, a driver who is mostly on the road and is unable to come home every night; a policeman who may have to stay out some nights; a medical doctor who has little time to spend with his family; a lecturer or a scientist who reads a great deal at nights; a mechanic whose clothes are dirty and have smell of oil; a factory worker who works at night. Therefore, there are rarely jobs which are entirely convenient and do not entail any discomfort of the family. There is not any other way of earning an honest living than working. It is necessary for the men to put up with the difficulties of their jobs. However, there is another problem which is the complaints of the family.
Women usually like their men to be nearby and prefer them to be home when it becomes dark. Women want their husbands to have a decent job with a high salary. They like to have enough time to go out in the evenings. But unfortunately, the jobs of most men do not live up to their wives' expectations, and this, for some families, is a source of rows and arguments.
A driver who has been on the road for a few nights, who has not had a decent sleep and has not been eating regularly, enters his house to rest and find peace and comfort with his family. Then his wife, without sparing a moment, starts to moan and groan: "What is this life? Why do you leave me with these kids and where have you been? I have to do all the work myself because you are not here to help. I am fed up with these naughty children. As a matter off act driving is not a good job. You should either change your job or settle with me. I can't live like this any longer!" A poor driver who has such a wife cannot be expected to perform well on his job and may endanger his life; and the lives of those whom he transports. A doctor who, from morning to night, visits tens of patients cannot cope with the grumbling of his wife. Then how could he continue to practise medicine? A worker who works during the night shifts cannot enthusiastically pursue his job if his wife is a shrewish woman. How can a scientist be successful in his field of research if his wife is constantly nagging him? These are the tests which distinguish the wise women from the ignorant ones.
Dear madam! we cannot make the world according to our wishes, but we can adapt ourselves to the existing situation. Your husband needs to have a job to earn his family's living. His job has certain conditions which you must adapt to. You must program your family life according to his job. Why do you grumble and find fault with his job? Welcome him home with a happy face and be kind to him. Be wise and cope with his job.
If your husband is a driver who is mostly on the road, then realize that he is trying to bring money home for your sake and the children's. There is nothing wrong with his job. He is a part of society and is serving it the best way he can. Would it have been better if he was a lazy person or if he was engaged in an irreligious job? So, there is nothing wrong with him. The fault lies with you, expecting him to be at home every night and not being able or not wanting to adapt yourself to the present conditions.
Is it not wise to get used to the existing situation and live more comfortably? Would you not rather welcome him with a smiling face and persuade him to carry on in his job with a warm "Good-bye" when he leaves home for work? If you act kindly, his interest in his family would increase and he could work harder. He would not isolate himself from you; he would come home as early as possible; he would not have accidents and he would remain healthy in his morals.
If your husband is a night-shift worker, he is missing his night's good sleep in order to meet the expenses of his family. Try to get used to it and do not express your dissatisfaction. If you get bored, then you can do some of the housework, sewing and reading at night. In the morning prepare the breakfast when your husband comes back from work, and then prepare his bed in a quiet place. Keep the children quiet and teach them not to disturb their father when he is resting. You can even sleep less at night and take a rest with your husband during the day. But, do not forget that he has been awake all the night and the sleep during the day to him is the same as the night sleep for you. Women in this situation have to have two programmes, one for themselves and one for their husbands.
If your husband is a driver, a doctor, a worker, or a scientist etc, then you must be proud of him. Your husband is not an idle loafer or engaged in an irreligious occupation. So appreciate him and show your gratitude.
Do not expect him or ask him to leave his job, but try to adapt to his existing one. If he is reading or researching on a particular field, then do not disturb him. You can do the housework, read a book or, with his permission, go and visit your friends or relatives. But when he is resting, try to be at home. Prepare his food and other requirements. Receive your husband with a smiling face and good manners. By showing your kindness and by pleasing him you can make him forget his tiredness. If you are a good wife, then not only you can expedite his promotion, but also you are contributing to his services towards society.
Not all women deserve such hardworking men. So by being well-mannered and sacrificing, prove that you are worthy of him.
If your husband's job requires him to wear special clothes which become dirty, then wash them frequently. Do not grumble and do not tell him bad because of his job. Do not ask him to change his job. It is not easy to change jobs. What is wrong with being a mechanic. In any case, this is not an important matter and families should not be broken because of it.
"A woman told the judge in a court that her husband's job was selling kerosene and that he always was smelling bad and hence she was fed up with the situation." 54
Share this article