Rafed English

In Parents They Trusted

All relationships are established and rely on trust, as trust makes honest communication possible; it builds relational bridges; it gives meaning to our respective roles; it provides security; it stimulates responsibility and caring.

The parent-child relationship does not differ, hence, there can be very negative results if a child never learns to trust. An instance of the damaging results of lack of trust -or absence of it- is that it most likely leads the child to discuss vital issues with someone other than the parents, which will be devastating for their upbringing if it was with the wrong sort of person. Another example would be the fact that this sense of mistrust could hold back the child from trusting anyone in the future, which will affect the child's future relationships, in business, family, and social life.
Since the biggest reason for mistrust in parent-child relations is not-fulfilling promises made to the child, Ahl Al-Bayt (a.s) have emphasized the importance of keeping such promises. Imam Ali (a.s.) said, “Telling a lie is improper, whether being a joke or serious. It is also wrong when one of you promises his child and does not fulfill it, for lying leads to debauchery.” (1), and Imam Al-Kazim (a.s.) said, “When you promise children you must fulfill it for them, for they think it is you that gives them sustenance. Indeed, Allah does not get angry for anything the way He gets angry for the sake of women and children.” (2).
As implied in the sayings -especially the second- the child’s sense of trust is in the parents’ hands, thus they are parents who will be at fault if that trust is broken. The child should not be criticized or rebuked for not trusting their parents when they frequently promise them but do not fulfill that promise, or if the parent constantly tells them that they can come to them and talk about anything, but then flies into a rage when the child reveals something they do not want to hear.   
 

(1) Al-Amali, by Al-Saduq, p. 505, h. 696.
 (2) Al-Kafi, v. 6, p. 50, h. 8.

 


 

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