Rafed English

A Relationship of Mutual Love

Adapted from: ""Marriage, A Gift for the Youth" by: "Sajid Ali"

Although the flames of lust are extinguished by the physical relationship between a husband and a wife yet if there exists a relationship of mutual love and understanding which is quite natural if they care for each other than a new kind of warmth will be created between the two. Both of them will enjoy their lives to the hilt, basking under the rays of attachment and care.

The Holy Quran has drawn attention to this emotional relationship which exists between husband and wife as it clearly states: “And among his signs is that he has created spouses from among yourself so that you may rest in them and initiate love and mercy among all of you.”

As one matures physically, sexual desires make their way in the individual and gradually both girls and boys start getting attracted to each other which slowly develops into some sort of psychological pressure.

This natural and undirected emotion gradually seeks solace in whatever possible form. Unfortunately more often than not it results in the youngsters deviating from the right path and indulging in some unwanted and undesired habits. Before becoming victims of ill-directed lust it is better for them to get married and settle down.

Therefore, the leaders of Islam have advised their followers to follow this most important Sunnah. As the Holy Prophet (S) states: “O youths, whosoever among you can marry he should do so because marriage protects your eyes (from indulging in sin by looking lustly at others) and privacy.” (Makaaremul Akhlaq).

Imam as-Sadiq (as) narrates that one day the Holy Prophet (S) went on the pulpit and said, “O people, Jibraeel has brought unto me a divine command stating that girls are like fruits from a tree. If they are not plucked in time then they get rotten by the rays of the sun and a slight blow of the wind will result in their falling down from the tree.

Similarly, when girls attain maturity, then like other women they develop emotions related to sex and there is no cure for it except her husband. If they are not married, prevention of character corruption becomes a remote possibility because after all they are human beings and no human is free from vice.” (Furoo-e-Kafi, Vol. 5, Pg. 337).

The Holy Quran has talked about the chastity and fidelity of both the husband and wife in the following verse: “They (your wives) are dress for you and you are dress for them.”

A dress conceals ones defect and hides the private parts of a person. Moreover, it also acts as a protector from various infections which can arise due to the body being uncovered. The Holy Prophet (S) says , “Whoever desires that he should meet his Lord in a pure and clean state, he should seek for himself a legal wife and make provisions of chastity and modesty for himself.”

To sum it up, the leaders of Islam on one hand dissuade their followers from indulging in adultery and other extremities related to sex. On the other hand, they admonish them and emphasise to get married and settle down in life. They have even gone to the extent of stating that marriage is one of the best divine traditions. This concept has been explained very clearly in the following tradition of the Holy Prophet (S): “No foundation of Islam is as beloved and as mighty as the foundation and institution of marriage.” (Mustadrak, Vol. 2, Pg. 531).

In yet another tradition from Mustadrakul Wasail it is narrated that “When a youngster marries early in his youth Shaitaan cries out of desperation and says, Alas! this person has protected one third of his religion , now he will protect the remaining two thirds also.”

A person named Akkaaf came to the Holy Prophet (S), who asked him, “Do you have a wife”, he replied, “No, O Messenger of God.” The Holy Prophet (S) enquired again, “Do you want to improve the safety of your body and increase your wealth”, he replied, “Certainly”. Then the Holy Prophet (S) admonished him to get married and made him fear the consequences of not doing so.

Later he (S) proclaimed, “O Akkaaf! woe unto you, get married, get married because now you are enumerated among the sinners. Get married, otherwise you will be counted among the strayed ones. Get married, otherwise you will be listed among the Christian priests. Get married, otherwise you will be named among the brethren of Shaitaan.” (Mustadrak, Vol. 2, Pg. 531).

Imam ar-Ridha’ (as) narrates that a lady asserted before Imam al-Baqir (as) that, “I am a Mutabattela.” Imam al-Baqir (as) asked her, “What do you mean by that?”. She answered, “I have decided that I will never marry.” Imam enquired from her the reason for her decision. She replied, “To go higher in the stages and levels of perfection.” Imam al-Baqir (as) retorted, “Take your decision with justice. If remaining a spinster was a matter of greatness than Hazrat Zahra’ (sa) deserved it much more than you. There is no lady who can exceed her in any of the excellencies.”

Once some companions of Holy Prophet (S) had forsaken sexual relationships, eating food during the day-time and sleeping at night and considered them as forbidden for themselves, to attain purification of soul, spiritual heights and divine satisfaction. When Ummul Momeneen Umm Salma (sa) was informed of this strange attitude, she in turn informed the Holy Prophet (S), who went to them and asked, ”Have you left your wives and turned your faces away from them? I am your prophet. I go near my wives, eat during the day, sleep during the night and whoever turns away from my Sunnah, he is not from me.”

To get a good, modest and chaste wife is among the good fortunes and good luck of a person according to the leaders of Islam and is also considered as one of the sources by which the religion of a person can be protected. They have conveyed this message quite often that the worship of a married person is much more significant and important before Allah than that of a bachelor or a spinster.

The Holy Prophet (S) says: “Among the good fortunes of a man is to have a good wife.” (Furoo-e-Kafi, Vol. 5, Pg. 327).

Imam as-Sadiq (as) narrates from the Holy Prophet (S) that he said, “Those believers who marry, protect half of their religion from danger.” In yet another tradition, Imam as-Sadiq (as) says, “Two rakaats of a married person is better than seventy rakaats of an unmarried one.” (Wasailush Shia, Vol. 5, Pg. 1)

The Holy Prophet (S) once said, “Whoever marries, protects half of his religion, then for the remaining half he must only fear God.” (La'alil Akhbar).

The sixth Imam, Imam as-Sadiq (as) says, “A sleeping married man is better than a fasting unmarried man.” (La'alil Akhbar).

The Messenger of Islam (S) said, “Do not marry a woman for the following four reasons: Wealth, beauty, ancestry and lust. It is obligatory upon you to marry a woman on account of her religion.” (Jaame ul Akhbar).

In yet another tradition, the Messenger of Islam (S) has prohibited his followers from marrying a beautiful woman from a disgraceful background.” (Bihar ul Anwar, Vol. 23, Pg. 54).

Imam as-Sadiq (as) narrates from the Holy Prophet (S), “Refrain from marrying foolish women for surely their company is a calamity and their offsprings are imbeciles.” (Jafariyat, Pg. 9).

A man named, Husain ibn Bushar -e- Wasiti, once wrote to the eighth Imam, Imam ar-Ridha’ (as) that “one lady from my clan intends to marry me but is very ill-behaved”, Imam (as) replied, “If she is really ill-behaved, then never marry her.” (Wasailush Shia, Vol. 5, Pg. 10).

In one tradition the Holy Prophet of Islam (S) has said, “Never give your daughter to a drunkard when he intends to marry.” (Wasailush Shia, Vol. 5, Pg. 9).

This problem (of not giving daughters to drunkards) was considered so important by Ahlul Bayt (as) that Imam as-Sadiq (as) declared, “A woman who beds with a drunkard husband, has committed sins equal to the number of stars in the sky and any child born out of this unison is unclean. Allah will not accept any of her acts be they obligatory or a recommended until and unless her husband dies or releases her from the bond of this marriage.” (La'alil Akhbar.)


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