Principles of Marriage

Suspicious Women

It is not wrong if a woman is watchful of her husband, but only if it does not exceed to a state of suspicion and mistrust. Suspicion is a destructive and incurable illness.

Unfortunately some women are affected by this disease.

A woman of suspicion imagines that her husband is, lawfully or unlawfully, disloyal to her. She imagines that he is married to another woman or that he is going to marry her. She suspects him of having an affair with his secretary or another woman. She loses trust in him because he comes home late or he was seen talking to a woman. If he helps a widow and her children, the wife may think that he has an interest in her, other than a charitable one. If any woman gives her husband a compliment, saying that he is handsome or well-mannered, she concludes that he is interested in that woman. Upon finding a strand of hair in his car, she thinks there is another woman in his life.

Such women with these thoughts and inconclusive proof gradually assume certainty regarding their husbands’ unfaithfulness.

They think about it every day and night. They also tell others, friends and foes about it, who, in the name of sympathy, reinforce the allegations and in turn tell the concerned women about other unfaithful men.

Arguments and rows start to take shape. The woman begins to ignore the affairs of the house and the children and might even go to her parents. She would monitor him and search his pockets. She would read his letters and would explain any trivial matter as due to his unfaithfulness.

With this attitude, she would make the family’s life hard and turn the house into a burning hell in which she would also suffer. If her husband brought proof of his innocence, or swore that he had not been committing any thing wrong, or cried, she would not be satisfied.

The reader has certainly come across such women, but it is useful to know of the following cases:

"A woman said in the family court: Do not be surprised as to why, after twelve years of married life and three small children, I have decided upon a separation from my husband. I am now certain that my husband is unfaithful to me. A few days ago, I saw him with an attractive woman walking in the street. I read a weekly magazine which has a proper section on fortunetelling. Every week, in my husband’s horoscope, it mentions that he would have good times with the people who are born in the month of June. I was born in February; so I am not one of those people mentioned in the horoscope. Besides I feel my husband is not as loving towards me as he used to be’. The husband of this woman said: "Please tell me what I can do. I wish these magazines would consider the readers like my wife, and would not tell so many lies. Believe me these horoscopes have turned the lives of mine and my children into ruins. If one of these horoscopes says that this week a large lump sum of money is coming my way, then she comes to me and asks me what I have done with that money? Or, if it says that I would be receiving a letter, then Allah save me! I think it is probably better for both of us to separate, because she does not confront reason’."

"A man said in the court: 'It was a month ago, when I was coming back from a party, that of my colleagues asked me to give him and his wife a lift back home. The day after my wife asked me to take her to her parents’. On the way, she looked back and found a strand of hair on the back seat of the car. She asked who this strand of hair belonged to. I was in a panic and could not give her a proper explanation. I dropped her at her parents’ house and went to work. When I went to pick her up that night she refused to come with me. I asked, why? She said to me that I should better live with the owner of the strand of hair’."

"A young woman complained to the court and said: 'My husband is coming home late every night on account of overtime at his work. I have been worried about this and my SuSpicion has increased due to what our neighbours are saying. They say that my husband is lying and he is not Working at night and that he goes after his pleasure. As a result I am not prepared to live with a liar’.

At his point the husband took out a few letters from his pocket and placed them on a counter before the judge and asked him to read them aloud in order to prove his innocence and to stop his wife’s improper attitude. The judge started to read the letters aloud. One of the letters was indicative of his overtime working from 4 to 8 O’clock at night. Other letters were also related to his work where he was asked to attend certain seminars. The wife came forward and after seeing the letters said: 'I used to search his pockets every night but I did not see any of these letters’.

The judge said: 'He might have left them at his work’.

The young man said: 'My wife’s suspiciousness towards me has grown so much that I have become suspicious of her. Every night I have nightmares. I imagine that she is in love with a man and wants to separate from me in order to marry him’.

At this point the young wife rushed towards her husband and while crying for joy, apologized to him and they both left the court."

"A dentist complained to the court and said: 'My wife is exceedingly jealous. I am a dentist and there are women patients who come to my office for treatment. This has aroused my wife’s jealousy and everyday we argue about it. She believes that I should not accept women patients. But I cannot lose my regular patients. I lovmy wife and she loves me, but this improper expectation of hers is ruining our lives. A few days ago she came to my dental surgery and forced me to leave. We went home and quarrelled. She said to me: 'I went to your surgery and sat beside a young girl in the waiting room. We talked about you and she, without knowing that I was your wife, said: 'The dentist is a handsome and wellmannered man’.

"The dentist went on saying: 'On account of a girl’s opinion my wife dragged me out of the surgery in a degrading manner’."

"A woman, complaining to the court, said: 'One of my friends told me that m husband goes to a stanger woman’s house. I followed him one day and realized that it was true. Now I am asking the court to punish him’. The husband, while acknowledging what his wife was saying, told the court:

'One day I went to a pharmacy to buy some medicine. I saw a woman in the pharmacy who was buying powdered milk. She did not have enough money to pay for the milk, so I offered to help. Later, I found out that she was a widow who was poor. So I decided to continue my help’." The judges, after investigating the matter, realized the truth of his claims and reconciled the couple."

Such events happen in many families. The family atmosphere changes into an envioronment of pessimism, suspicion, and enmity. The children would suffer and the mental effects are grave.

If a couple continues to live in this situation, then they would both suffer, and if they show stubbornness towards each other, theywould surely lead to adivorce.In the case of a divorce taking place, both man and wife would be losers, because on the one hand the man would not be able to find another wife who is any better than the previous one. On the other hand, the children would suffer and would not be able to enjoy a healthy life. The children might even confront new problems due to a step-father or step-mother.

The man may think that by divorcing his wife, he can marry a 'perfect’ woman, with whom he can live in peace. But this is nothing more than a dream and the realization of it is very remote. By divorcing his wife, he may encounter new problems with the new one.

Divorce is also not a path to comfort and happiness for the woman. Although she might feel satisfied that she has had her revenge, remarrying would not be easy for her. She may have to live alone for the rest of her life and would probably not even enjoy the presence of her children. Even if she gets married again, it is not certain that her new husband would comply with her expectations. She may even have to bring up the children of a man whose wife is dead. Therefore, neither divorce nor arguments and rows can save the couple. But there is a way to salvation.

The best attitude is that both man and wife give up arguing and try to be logical. Men have a greater responsibility in this matter, and in fact the key to the solution is in their hands. Men can, through patience and forgiveness, save themselves from trouble and also help eliminate the element of suspicion in their wives. Now a few words to the men:

Firstly, dear sir! you should remember that your wife, even though suspicious of you. loves you. She is interested in your children and the family home. She is afraid of separation. She would definitely suffer from your deplorable life situation. If she did not love you, she would not have been jealous. So she does not like the present situation, but what can she do if she is ill? Some patients have rheumatism and some have cancer. Your wife suffers from a mental disorder and if you do not believe it, then take her to a psychiatrist. You should treat her sympathetically and compassionately. You should not be angry with her or have arguments. No one could quarrel with an ill person. Do not react harshly to her impoliteness or allegations. Do not end up fighting with her. Do not go to any courts. Do not ignore her. Do not talk about divorce and separation. None of these acts can cure her illness, in fact it might become worse. Your unkindness would serve as a source of her suspicion. You must be as kind to her as possible. You might resent your wife deeply because of her attitude, but there is not any other way. You must treat her in a manner so that she becomes certain of your innocence.

Secondly, you should try to create an understanding between yourselves. Do not hide any thing from her. Let her read your letters even before you do. Leave the keys to your private desk, drawers or safe within her reach. Let her look into your bags and pockets. Allow her to monitor you. You should not express displeasure with any of the above-mentioned points, but regard them as normal procedures in a healthy and friendly family life. After work, if you do not have any other business, return home as soon as possible. If an urgent matter arises that you should attend to, then inform your wife and tell her where you are going and at what time she should expect you back home. Then try to be on time. If you are late in coming home, then immediately tell your wife the reason. Be careful not to lie, otherwise she will become suspicious. Consult her in your affairs. Do not hide anything from her. Talk to her about your day. Keep her trust in you. Ask her to question you on any vague subject which may be bothering her.

Thirdly, you may be innocent of the subject of her suspicion, but the suspicions of women are mostly not baseless either. Perhaps, through carelessness you have done something which has affected her mentally and made her suspicious of you. You should ponder over your previous acts carefully. You might then find the cause of her suspicion. In this way you can solve the problem better. For instance, if you joke a lot with other women, try not to do it any more. What is the point of being called handsome or well-mannered at the expense of your wife’s suspicion and her distrust towards you? Why should you trigger hersuspicion by joking with your secretary or a woman colleague? Why should you employ a woman to work for you? Do not joke with other women in parties. If you want to help a poor widow, why Should you not inform your wife? You can even help the widow through your wife. Do not think that you are a slave, or a person in chains. You should not be a slave, but a wise man who, upon an agreement with your wife, is taking care of her. You should help her overcome this problem. Through patience and wisdom, you should remove the dangers which are threatening the foundation of your sacred family life. You would then cure your wife’s illness as well as save your children from unhappiness. You would do a great deal of service to yourself both mentally and materialistically. Moreover, Allah rewards men who are willing to sacrifice at vital moments such as this.

"Im?m 'All (AS) stated: 'Act moderately with the women in every instance. Speak to them nicely in order that their deeds become good’."

"Im?mSajj?d (AS) stated: 'One of the rights of a woman upon her husband is that he should forgive her ignorance and foolishness’."

"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'Any man who copes with his incompetent wife, the Almighty Allah, upon his patience (towards his wife) on every occasion, would grant him the reward of patience of Hadrat Ayyüb (AS)’."

Now the women are reminded of few points:

First: Dear madam! the subject of your husband’s unfaithfulness, like every other subject, needs proof. As long as his guilt is not proved you do not have any right to convict him. Neither law nor one’s conscience allows one to accuse someone on the account of probability of a crime having taken place. Would you not be hurt if someone accused you of something without any proof? Is it possible to consider your foolish and baseless theories as proof of an important crime such as adultery?

"o you who believe! avoid most of suspicion, for surely suspicion in some cases is a sin ... (4:12)."

"Im?m S?diq (AS) stated: '(The weight 00 accusing an innocent person falsely is heavier than the high mountains’."

"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: "Anyone who makes false accusations upon a believer, Allah, on the Day of Resurrection, will place him upon a heap offire in order that he receives the punishment he deserves’."’

Dear madam! do not be foolish and do not jump to conclusions. When you have time, sit down and write down all the proof and grounds regarding your husband’s unfaithfulness. Then in front of each point, write down the other aspects to the problem and the probability of their occurrence. Next, place yourself as a fair judge and think deeply about the written points. If they do not convince you that he is guilty, then you can either forget the matter or make further investigations.

For instance, the presence of a strand of hair in your husband’s car may be easily explained by one of the following:

(a) It may belong to one your husband’s relatives such as his sister, mother, aunt, or their children.

(b) It may be one of your own.

(c) He might have given a lift to his friend or relative accompanying his wife and the strand of hair might be hers.

(d) He might have given a lift to a helpless woman.

(e) Perhaps one of his enemies has dropped the strand of hair in his car deliberately in order to make you suspicious of him.

f) One of his women colleagues might have been given a lift in his car.

(g) There is also a probability that he had been out with his beloved. But this case is far more remote than the previous Ones and therefore should not be taken very seriously. At least one should not regard it as firm evidence of guilt while forgetting about the other possibilities.

If your husband comes back home late, he might have been doing extra work; or might have been at his friend’s house; or might have attended a seminar or a religious meeting; or he might even have walked back home.

If a woman thinks of him as a handsome man, it is not his fault. Being well-behaved is not a proof of being guilty! Would you prefer him to be a bad-tempered man from whom everyone would be repulsed?

If your husband attends to the needs of a widow and her children, regard him as a charitable person who is doing this for the sake of Allah.

If your husband has a private desk or a safe; and if he does not let you read his letters, do not think of him as having a mistress. Men generally have a sense of secrecy and modesty. They do not like others to be informed of their affairs, perhaps they possess secret materials which are related to their work. Perhaps he does not regard you as a person who could keep a secret. Any way, a possibility is just that, and it should not be considered as a firm proof.

Second: Whenever you suspect anything, you should discuss it with your husband in such a manner as to find the truth of the matter out and not in a way of protest. Be frank with him and ask him to explain the subject of your suspicion in order to clear your mind and set it at peace. Then listen to him carefully. Think about his explanation. If you are satisfied with it then the matter is over. But if you are still suspicious, then investigate the matter yourself until the truth is revealed. If, while investigating, you come across a point that your husband had lied about, then do not regard itas aproof of his guilt. This is because despite his innocence, he might have deliberately not been telling the whole truth lest you become more suspicious. Again it is better to go to him and ask why he did not tell the whole truth. Of course, it is not good for one to lie, but if your husband made this mistake, then you should not, in turn, act foolishly. Ask him firmly to tell you the truth. His inability in explaining the subject of your suspicion is not indicative of his guilt. It is possible that he may really forget something or he may be in a panic. At this points do not pursue the matter further and leave it for a more appropriate occasion. If he says to you that he has forgotten something, accept it. However, if you are still in doubt, investigate through other channels.

Third: Do not voice your suspicion with anyone you see, since they may be your foes. Enemies always endorse your claims and might even add a few lies to it in order to shatter yourlife. They may not be foes, but a bunch of foolish, simple, and unexperienced people who reinforce your claims sympathetically. They may be your close relatives or close friends. Consultation is only useful with wise, clever, and genuine sympathizers. If you need to consult someone, then find the right people and discuss it with them.

Fou ith: If the proof of your husband’s guilt is not a firm proof towards your husband’s guilt, if your friends and relatives think that the evidence is not enough,if your husband regards himself as not guilty, and finally if you are still suspicious of him, then you can be sure that you are ill. You are suffering from a mental disorder in which the element of suspicion has grown beyond your control. It is vital for you to turn to a pshychiatrist who could treat you accordingly.

Fifth: Therefore, it is not wise for you to argue with your husband or make complaints to the court. Donot talk about divorce and do not degrade him. Such an attitude will only lead to more anger and rows which may result in divorce. Be careful not to act foolishly, or decide to commit suicide. By killing yourself not only would you lose this life, but you would also be tormented in the next world.

Is it not sad to lose your life for the sake of a baseless thought? Is it not better to solve your problems through patience and wisdom?

Sixth: If you are still Suspicious of your husband or you reach the conclusion that he is certainly having an affair, then again you are to be blamed, because you have not tried enough to win his heart. You have placed a gap in his life in which other woman can find a place. But do not despair; there is still time. Review your attitude and act in a manner that would attract your husband towards you.

Do Not Pay Attention to Slanderous Talks

One of the negative characteristics of some people is their speaking ill of each other. This characteristic, is not only unpleasant by natui, but it is also a cause of much mischief. It causes suspicion, pessimism, disharmony, and strife among the people. Itdestroysfriendly atmospheres and sowsthe seed of discord among families. It separates men from their wives and it could lead to homicide.

Unfortunately, this characteristic is so widespread among the people that it does not even seem bad any more. In a gathering it is rare not to hear gossiping and backbiting. Especially, in a women’s gathering, the element of gossip is dominant. When two women meet, they start gossiping. They talk slanderously of others as if it is a competition. They sometimes talk about their husbands. For instance, they discuss their looks or jobs, and find fault with the other woman’s husband. One woman would blame the other one for being married to, say a mechanic or a shoemaker, lithe husband is a driver she would say: "Your husband is always travelling, how can you cope with this?" If he is a butcher, she would say: "Your husband always smells of fat." If he is not arniflg much, she would say: "How do you live with such little money? Why did you marry lim? Is it not a pity that you, with such a beauty, have married such a short and puny man? How did your parents allow you to do this? Were they fed up with you? You could have married any man you wished. Why did you choose this man? He does not take you anywhere, not the cinema, not the theatre, nowhere.

By the way, yourhusband is such a grim faced man. How can you live with him? How could you, with all your education, marry a peasant?"

Talks of this kind can be heard among a fairly large percentage of the female population of any society. Women who are used to this manner of speaking, as a matter of fact, do not think of the grave consequences which might follow. They do not think that their gossiping or picking up faults could lead to divorce or even murder. Such women are truly demons in a human form. They are the enemies of families. They create strife among the families and turn their houses into dark and horiible dungeons. What should one do? This is a component of our societies. Even though Islam has firmly prohibited us from such deeds we are not prepared to give up. "The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'Oh! those of you who claim to be Muslims, but failed to let faith enter into your hearts, do not speak ill of Muslims and do not find faults with them. Whoever find faults with people, then Almighty Allah will be doing just the same while looking into their faults; and in that case they would be disgraced among the people, even though they may remain in their own houses’."

These evil-charactered women may pursue one or many goals. They gossip for the sake of revenge in order to break up a family. They may do it because of jealousy or selfglorification. They might want to cover their own deficiencies or deceive the simple women. They may want to pretend that they are sympathetic. They sometimes gossip for amusement and do not pursue any goal other than satisfying their distasteful desires. But what one can be sure of is that deeds of this kind are not committed in order to help others and that such acts could have disastrous effects.

The readers have surely come across certain events which have occurred as the result of gossip. The following is such a case:

"A woman said in the court: 'Mr ... used to talk behind my husband in order to cause a clash between me and my husband. He used to tell me that my husband was not good enough for me and that he did not understand me or have any emotions. He always wanted me to get a divorce and marry him... As a result of his deluding suggestions I was misled and one day we, both together, killed my husband’."

Dear madam! now that you have realized the evil intentions behind gossip and if you are interested in your husband and children, then do not be influenced by the tongues of the human-shaped devils. Do not give in to their false friendship. Be sure they are not your friends, but your foes who want to see you breaking away from your family. Do not be simple and do not believe them. Try to find their evil intentions through sagacity. Stop them immediately when they set Out to criticize your husband. Do not be shy to tell them: "If you want us to remain friends, then stop talking about my husband. You do not have any ritght to criticize him. I love him and there is nothing wivng with him."

Once they detect your love towards your husband and children, through the firmness of your tongue, then they may become disappointed with misleading you and you will not be disturbed again. Do not think that they would become upset, or that you would lose your friends. If they are your true friends, then they should not be hurt and should even thank you. If they are your enemies, then what is better than avoiding them. If you encounter those who are persistent in their evil act, then cut off your relationship with them.

A girl, while in her parents’ house, is duty-bound to satisfy them. However, once she is married, her role changes.

In her husband’s house, a woman should give priority to her husband’s needs. Even when there are conflicting desires of her husband and her parents, she should obey her husband, even at the expense of the parents’ dissatisfaction. Disobedience to one’s husband may harm one’s marital relationship and vice-versa. Moreover, many mothers do not enjoy a proper education and wisdom.

Some mothers have not yet realized that they should leave their daughters to reach an understanding with their husbands of their own. The married couple must be left to plan their own affairs and if they encounter any difficutly, they should overcome it through their own intitiative.

Since the wives’ mothers are unaware of this point, then, in their own minds, they try to make their son-in-law act according to their desires. They try, directly and indirectly, to interefere in their family affairs. They use their young daughters, who are inexperienced and not quite aware of their situations, in order to influence the sons-in-law. The mothers constantly tell their daughters how to act, what to do, what to say, and what not to say. The poor daughter, who regards her mother as sympathetic and experienced, obeys her and commits herself to the mother’s desires too.

There would not be any problems if the son-in-law submits to the mother-in-law’s desires:However,if he shows resistance, then rows begin to take shape. In the latter case, the ignorant mother may become so stubborn that it may lead to the destruction of her daughter’s family life. The ignorant mother, iiiead of encou raging her daughter to devote herself to her husband, makes her oppose her husband. The mother may tell her daughter: "You have mined your life. What an awful husband! What good men were prepared to many you! What a good life your cousin has! How lucky you rsister is! What have they got that you haven’t? Why should you live like this? My poor daughter!"

The mother, whose words are regarded as sympathetic, causes family rows and arguments between the daughter and her husband. The daughter is placed in a situation to pick up rows with her husband. The parents would also take sides with her and finally in order to win the fight, they show willingness towards their daughter getting a divorce.

"A thirty-year old woman attacked her fifty-year old mother for she had caused her divorce. This woman said: 'My mother talked behind my husband so much that it caused many arguments between me and him. Finally, I got divorced but soon regretted it. But it was too late, because six hours after our divorce, my former husband was engaged to my cousin. I was so frustrated that I decided to beat up my mother’."

"A thirty-nine year old man ran away from his wife and mother-inlaw and left a letter saying: 'Because of my wife’s attitude and because she was not prepared to go to Abadan with me, I decided to leave this world. My wife and her mother are responsible for my death’. Thus a man, who was fed up with his motherinlaw’s interference, Committed suicide’."

"A man, who was fed up with his motherinlaw’s interference, threw her out of a taxi’."

Undoubtedly, daughters who obey mothers of this kind and submit to their wills, would inflict an irreversible blow on themeselves.

Therefore, any woman who cares for her family, should not be influenced by her mother’s will and should not regard them as one hundred percent correct.

A wise and clever woman would always examine the suggestions and sayings of her mother before implementing them in her family life. She should implement them if they did ot contradict or endanger her family bonds. In this case, the daughter should submit to the will of her mother. Otherwise, if the daughter reaches the conclusion that her mother is ignorant and her suestioflS lead to rows and arguments, then she can reject her.

Anyway, there are two choices for the daughter:

(a) To go along with the desires of her mother in which case, family arguments would follow; or

(b) To ignore her mother, and comply with her husband’s desires.

Obviously, one would not choose the former because if one did, then she would either have to live in a misery with her husband or divorce him. If she continues to live with her husband, then she, along with her husband, and the children, would suffer. In the case of divorce she would probably have to go to live with her parents. In this case they would not accept her as a member of the family and would try to get rid of her. She would be degraded and humiliated before all the other members of the family. It is also not easy to live alone. It will also not be easy to marry again. How can one be suit that the next round will be any better What about the children? What about the children of the next man? She might end up so frustrated that she might kill herself. She may become so difficult to live with that the next man she marries, may run away from her, or even kill himself.

Once a woman ponders over the consequences of acting upon the selfish and foolish desires of her mother or others, then she should firmly decide to ignore all the talk as not to endanger her relationship with her husband.

She could tell her mother:

'Now that I am married, it is better for me to In’ to Protect my marriage, and keep my husband s. I would rather tnat him kindly. because he is my partner. He can make me happy and is able to help me. He shares all the ups and downs of life with me. He is my choice anctif we have any difficulties, we will tiy to solve them ourselves. We can plan our lives. Your interference may make a bad situation worse. If you want us to have a good relationship with you, then do not interfere in our lives, do not talk behind my husband, otherwise I will have to cut off my relationship with you."

If your mother, as a result of your suggestion, stops interefering, then you will not be disturbed. However, if she is not prepared to take any notice of your desires, it would be better for you to stop seeing her. In this way you will be saved and you can live comfortably.

While, as a result of breaking away from your parents, you may lose some of your respect among your family, you will have earned many times over more respect from your husband.

"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The best of your women is one who gives birth to many children, is loving and chaste, who does not submit to the will of her relatives but is obedient towards her husband, adorns herself only for her husband and protects herself from strangers, listens to her husband and obeys him, accedes to his wishes in privacy and does not lose her modesty in any case."

"The Prophet (SA) then added: 'The worst of your women is she who obeys her relatives but does not submit to the wishes of her husband, is barren and vindictive, is not afraid of committing bad deeds, adorns herself in the absence of her husband, would not accede to the wishes of her husband in privacy, would not accept his excuses and would not forgive his mistk’•"

Be Clean and Beautiful at Home Also

It is customary with most women that whenever they go to a party or a gathering, they wear their best dresses and adorn themselves with the best. However, upon returning home, they take their dresses off and put on an old and shabby dress. These women are not particular about cleanliness at home and do not beautify themselves. They walk around the house with dishevelled hair, stained clothes, and torn socks. In fact, the situation must almost be reverse, that is, a woman should adorn herself at home and charm her husband in order to Conquer his heart and in order not to leave any gap for other women to fill. Why should she look beautiful for others? Is it proper for a woman to expose her beauty before the eyes of other men and to create problems for the youth? "The Prophet (SA) of Islam stated: 'Any woman who perfumes herself and leaves the house, is deprived from the blessings of the Almighty Allah until she returns home’."

"The Prophet (SA) also stated: 'The best of you rwomen is one who is obedient towards her husband, adorns herself for her husband but does not reveal her adornment to strangers; and the worst of your women is one who adorns herself in the absence of her husband’."

Dear madam! winning the heart of a man, especially for a long time, is not easy. Do not think: "He loves me. I don’t need to look beautiful for him or try to win his heart or entice him." You must always maintain his love towards yourself. Be sue that your husband would enjoy having a tidy beautiful, and clean wife, even though he may not express it. If you do not satisfy his inner desires and do not dress attractively at home, he may see beautiful and attractive women out of the house. He may then become disheartened in you and might deviate from the right path. When he sees attractive women, he compares you with them. If you are an Untidy, careless, and dishevelled woman, he would think that other women are angels who have descended from the heavens. So try to look attractive at home and besurethat he Will not lose interest in you.

Read the following letter written by a husband:

'One cannot distinguish my wife from my servant in the house. I swear by Allah that I sometimes think: I wish she would wear one of these dresses made for parties, at home. I wish she would throw away those torn and worn out clothes. I have told her a few times: 'darling! at least wear those nice dresses at home on holidays.’ She told me sourly: 'I don’t need to be particular when I am at home; but if one day I look untidy in the presence of my colleagues, then it would be embarrassing for me’."

The reader might believe that while house keeping and cooking, a woman cannot dress up or look beautiful. This may be true but a housewife can have different clothes for doing the housework; and she can change her working clothes to proper ones while she is in the presence of her husband or for when he returns home. You can always comb your hair and keep yourself clean after the housework.

"Im?m Baqir (AS) stated: 'it is incumbent upon a woman to perfume herself, to wear her best clothes, to adorn herself in the best way, and to meet her husband in this state day and night’."

"Im?m Sadiq (AS) stated: Women should not give up adornment, be it only with a necklace. She should not have untinged hands, be it with a little henna. Even old women should not give up adornment’."

Be a Mother to Him

At the time of preoccupation and illness, one needs to be nursed by others. A nurse can assist the recovery of an ill person tremendously through kindness and loving care. Men are small children who have grown up. They still need motherly care. When a man gets married to a woman, he expects her to be a mother to him at times of illness and difficulty.

Dear madam! if your husband becomes ill. take care of him more than usual. Express your sympathy and pretend that you are extremely upset with this sickness. Console him, prepare all his requirements and keep the children quiet in order to keep him relaxed. If he needs a doctor or medicine, then act accordingly.Cook the food which he likes,and which is good for him. Ask about his health frequently. Try to stay by his bedside, as much as possible. If he is in so much pain that he cannot sleep, stay up with him, as much as possible. Once you wake up, go to him. Ask how is he. If he had not slept that night, then express your sormw. Keep his room silent in the daytime. Your care for him would help him recover faster. He would appreciate your efforts and would love you more. Besides he would do the same for you if you ever became ill.

"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The Jihdd of a woman is to care for her husband well’."

Keep the Secrets

Women usually like to know about their husbands’ secrets, their earnings, their decisions about the future, and their work. They expect men not to hide anything from them.

On the contrary men are not willing to tell their wives everything . As a result, some husbands and wives constantly argue over this matter.

Some women say that their husbands do not trust them; do not let them read their letters; do not tell them the amount of their earnings; are not straight with them; do not answer their questions properly; and sometimes lie.

Incidentally, men do not mind telling their secrets to their wives. But they believe that their wives do not keep secrets; that they relate to others everything they know, and might even cause trouble for their husbands. If One intends to find out the secrets of others, it suffices for one to call t, their wives Some wives, by knowing their husbands secrets, blackmail them, and thus misuse their husbands trust in them.

Obviously men, up to a certain extent, have a point. Women, in comparison with men, are more under the influence of their emotions. When women become angry, it would be difficult for them to control themselves, and by knowing their husbands’ secrets, they could put their men in trouble.

Therefore, if a woman is interested in knowing her husband’s secrets, she must be very careful not to speak of them anywhere without his permission. She must not even tell her best friends or relatives. It is not keeping a secret if you tell someone about it, and ask him not to repeat it to anybody, otherwise everyone will find out about it.

Therefore a wise person is one who does not tell his secret to anyone.

"Im?m 'All (AS) stated: 'The chest of a wise man is tsafe for his secrets’."

"Imàin 'All (AS) also stated: 'The benevolence of this world and the next is in two things: keeping secrets, and friendship with the good people; and all the evils are in two things: revealin secrets, and keeping bad company’."