Training and Distancing the Child from Excitements
- :Ismail Abdullah
Sexual education is the most difficult and complicated type of training. It is among the phenomenon that causes criticality for the parents. There are various ways of training base on the adopted method by the parents and base on the customs and tradition prevailing in the society or base on the level of the parent's perception and awareness that is why we perceive immoderate or negligence in the most method of sexual education. The children whether male or female do commence inquiry on issues concerning .
He will inquire about his creation in his mother's womb, why pregnancy is mainly for the mother and not the father? How does birth take place? Why pregnancy did not take place during childhood? Why not by an unmarried girl? What is the difference between male and female?
And what were the causes? And much other question. It is modesty and reasonable for the parents to considered all these question as natural, they should not show their fear to that and the better not to prevent children from these questions because he will search for the answers from other than the parents which will cause him tiredness, disturbance and anxiety if the answer are not satisfactory or not a clear to him.
It is upon the parents to completely prepared to assist the child with sensible and comfortable answers that will satisfies their inquisitives and to stop their inquiry after being contended and he is confident with it.
The answer should conform with the child's perceptions, understandings and level of his acceptance, for example his questions about pregnancy should be answer as follows (Allah the most High place the child in the womb of his mother) on his question regards , the answer should be (you are like you father or you are like your mother) or you tell him (Allah has created two different child from lady) the answer should be in a natural form far from anxiety and trouble rather in a tranquil form so that the child may not understand that his questions and the answers to it are not natural because it will prompt him to search for answers by himself.
There are desire in children that is compulsory to be treated tranquilly and leniently, it is not severe to use reproach or beating, the stages between three and five or six years of his age, children incline towards (enjoyment by putting forward his body to others at that moment) 182.
Some children play with their sexual organ; at that time it is compulsory for the parents to prevent him from that but in a peaceful manner and to engage him with another thing. They should take care not to undress before the children, verily the great psychologist has resolved base on the reality of their experience and trial (verily the undressing of the parents and not covering the necessary parts to be covered do disturb the child) DR. Sapok comment on that by saying ( I suggested to every father and mother to observe that and to cover all necessary and reasonable places to be covered in the presence of the child and should not regard the issue as an unprompted disturbance as it may happen in some family) 183.
Most children at the stage of early childhood from four to six years reaches a stage where their sexual organs create pleasure after that; there comes the stage of potentiality 184.
For this the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) have cautioned about the child sexual excitement in this stage and the best way to distanced him from direct seeing between the father and mother. From Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad (peace be upon him), he has said: "The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: By He whom my soul is in His Hand a child is not successful if a man covers his wife in a house where there is awaken child looking and hearing there speeches and breathings, if he is a boy, he will be an adulterer and if she is a girl, she will be an adulteress" 185.
Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Don't have Sexual inter-course with your wife or your slave girl in a house where there is a kid because it causes fornication" 186.
Child of this stage copy and imitates the conduct of their parents (he did what the parents does) 187.
Hence (the preferred play before that action was that of the bride and bridegroom play) 188.
For that children will practice in their play what they witness from the parent's sexual activities and they may continue that in the next stage of their life.
It is compulsory on the parents to avert from that and from its introductions like kissing and others.
Among the immoderate mistakes committing by some parents is discussion of sexual issues in some occasions before the children, which make the children to increase in their curiousness. It is then necessary to observe precaution when having sexual inter-course even in a situation where the child is sleeping to fear for his un-expected wakening because that creates impact deep inside him and remain unconsciously hidden.
It is upon the parent to supervise the conduct of their children and ways of their playing especially in their seclusion from one another. It is incumbent on the parents to protect the children from sexual excitement, that is to separate them from each other when they were sleeping by given distance between them, they should not sleep in one cover in which their body will be scratching one another. Many narrations have been related emphasizing this protection.
The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "You should separate between children in their beds for six years" 189.
In another tradition from him (peace be upon him and his descendants) "separates between your children in their beds when they attain seven years of age" 190.
The separation is general that is between male and male, between female and female and between male and female.
In our present period when there is circulation of cinema appliances, television and radio, the need to distance the child from sexual excitement is more severe.
It is incumbent on the parents especially in a country where they did not adopt Islamic system as their ways of life and exposed to exciting films to have additional struggles in supervising and protecting the children from watching this appliances fear from watching indecent films especially in the countries that view the best method of granting freedom to the children from future restraint is to expose them to sexual films. It has been established by the psychologist and the educationist the authenticity of the Islamic perspectives.
In this respect an American DR. Sapok says: (the proportion of prohibition made on us during childhood and those that we transfer to our children plays a positive role in liberating the child's intellect during the academic years for devotion, un subjectivity attentions like writing, reading and calculation.) 191.
Consequently we see it that it censure the wrong practices in America, that is man and woman to undress in the sea-boards.
In summary it is upon the parents to answer the children's questions regards sex with tranquil without rigorous and to distance them from its different types and colors especially in the era of cinema, video and television.
182 - Mashaakilil Aabaa'a: 282.
183 - " " : 283.
184 - Ilmi Nnafs Al-Ilaaji: 106.
185 - Wasaa'ili sh-shiyyah vol- 20: 133/ 2 ch- 67.
186 - " " " - 20: 134/ 7 " .
187 - Attarbiya wabinaa'il Ajyaal: 166 - by Anwar Al-jundi 1st edition printed by Darul kitaab Beirut 1975 A.D.
188 - Mashaakilil Abaa'a: 205.
189 - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 223.
190 - Makaarimul Akh'laq: 223.
191 - Mashaakilil Aabaa'a: 284.
Adapted from the book: "The Child's Education in Islam" by: "Ismail Abdullah"
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