40 Akhla-q Points on Interacting with your Child
- :Abbas and Shahin Merali
1. Give gifts to your daughter(s) first.
2. Play with your children. 249 This has an important effect in the training and nurturing of your child. Our leaders in Islam have stressed the importance of this issue, and recommended it highly to Muslims.
It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “The person who has a child, should behave like a child with him.” 250 It is also narrated from Ima-m ‘Ali- (as): “Anybody who has a child, should, for his/her training, bring themselves down to their level of childhood.” 251
3. Do not hit your child when they cry, because it is narrated from the Prophet (s): “Do not hit your babies since their crying has a meaning. The first 4 months of crying is professing the unity of Alla-h (swt), the second 4 months of crying is sending blessings upon the Prophet (s) and his family and the third 4 months of crying is the baby praying for the parents.” 252
4. Kiss your child. It has been narrated from one of the Ima-ms that: “Kiss your children a great deal because for every kiss, you will be granted a Divine heavenly rank which would otherwise take 500 years to achieve!” 253
It is also narrated that a man once came to the Prophet (s) and said: “I have never kissed my child.” The Prophet (s) said: “Surely a man like this will be a resident of the fire of hell.”
5. By saying Sala-m to your child, build their sense of personality and character. If youngsters say Sala-m, it is obligatory for elders to reply; however, it was a characteristic of the Prophet (s) to say Sala-m first, whether to elders or youngsters. 254
6. Do not ridicule the actions of your child, nor call them silly.
7. Do not order or forbid your child too much, as this emboldens them and leads to rebellious behaviour when older.
8. Build your children’s characters by respecting them. We read in traditions that the Prophet (s) prolonged his sajdah until his grandson came down from his shoulders, and at other times he recited Sala-t al-Jama-’at faster as he heard children of praying mothers crying. Likewise, Ima-m ‘Ali- (as) used to ask his children questions about religious matters in the presence of others, and even passed on people’s questions to them to answer.
When parents don’t satisfy the natural urges and desires of the child, the child then resorts to wrong ways and means (often linked to sin) to try and give himself the necessary push to build his sense of self and importance. Personality, independence, will, self-trust, and likewise, weakness, baseness and lack of self-trust are all characteristics the foundations of which are in the lap of the father and bosom of the mother. A child who has not been treated like another human being or a valuable member of the family cannot be expected to have a well formed personality in adulthood.
9. Keep your promises. Keeping promises in Islam is a sign of one’s faith, and Alla-h (swt) mentions it in the Qur’an.
“And fulfil the covenants; indeed all covenants are accountable.” 255
“And those who keep their trusts and covenants.” 256
Keeping promises is one of the pillars of the prosperity of mankind and one of the best qualities of one’s Akhla-q, its base lying in one’s raising and training. It is narrated from the Prophet (s): “Like your children and treat them with affection and kindness. When you make a promise to them, you must keep it, because children consider you their sustainer.” 257
10. For the sexual training of children, the parents must first teach their children not to enter their bedroom without asking permission. Alla-h (swt) has pointed to this important point in Surat Nu-r, Verse 58:
“O you who have faith! Let your permission be sought by your slaves and those of you who have not reached puberty three times: before the dawn prayer, and when you put off your garments at noon, and after the night prayer. These are three times of privacy for you.”
It is also recommended to keep a close watch and control over their actions with others and prevent those actions that increase one’s sexual instinct (e.g. going out in mixed gatherings). It is important to mention that their curiosity is very high in childhood. In addition, they are very sensitive to what they watch and see, and fearlessly want to put it into action and try it out for themselves, without knowing or thinking that what they are doing may not be right.
249 Mustadrak al-Wasa-il, vol. 15, pg. 171
250 Wasa-il ash-Shi-‘a, vol. 21, pg. 386, no. 27659
251 Ibid., vol. 21, pg. 386, no. 27658
252 Biha-r al-Anwa-r, vol. 60, pg. 381
253 Raw¤atul Wa-idhi-n
254 Mustadrak al-Wasa-il, vol. 2, pg. 69
255 Su-rat al-Isra, Verse 34
256 Su-rat al-Mu’minu-n, Verse 8
257 al-Ka-fi-, vol. 6, pg. 49
Adapted from the book: "From Marriage to Parenthood; The Heavenly Path" by: "Abbas and Shahin Merali"
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