What are the Practical Factors of a Sound and Attractive Personality?
- :Al-Balagh Foundation
The factors that might be mentioned here are many. What we mentioned earlier on the laws and manners of morals is not a mere slogan or advises that are hung from the sky, rather it is long human experience on social relations. Due to time limit, we will put forward some examples with the purpose of reasoning:
1- Hold onto your anger as you hold onto the mouth of a filled bottle:
"Anas said: I was with the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) wearing a gown that had a thick end; the gown attracted a Bedouin, and he said:
'Oh Muhammad! Put something on these two camels from the wealth of Allah at your hand, because you are not conveying to me your wealth or your father's wealth.' The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) kept quite for sometime and then said: 'The wealth is Allah's and I am His servant.' Then, he continued: 'Oh Bedouin! Did your action against me guide you?' He said: 'No.' He said: 'Why?' He said: 'Because you are not repaying evil with evil.' Then, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) laughed, and ordered his companions to put barley on one camel and dates on the other."
2- Receive your brother cordially…you will capture his heart:
"Imam Hasan Askari (a.s.) said: One day two believers - a father and his son - came to Amirul Muminin (Imam Ali) (a.s.). He stood up and received them cordially, seated them by his side, then he ordered food for them. After they ate, a servant of Amirul- Muminin, called Qanbar, came with a washbowl, a wooden jug and handkerchief so they could wash their hands. Amirul Muminin (a.s.) took the wooden jug and washed the hands of the man, even though he (the man) was refraining, but Amirul Muminin insisted that he would wash his hands.
Then, Muhammad bin Hanafiyyah (Imam Ali's son) took the wooden jug from his hand. He said: Oh my son! If this son came to me alone without his father I would have washed his hands, but the Almighty Allah doesn't want to see a father and his son, in one place, being treated the same. But, since the father had poured water on the hands of a father, then a son should pour water on the hands of a son. Then, Muhammad bin Hanafiyyah poured water on the son's hands."
3- A wise way of criticism opens a sealed secret in order to accept criticism:
"One day Imams Hasan and Husain (a.s.) came across an old man who didn't know how to perform ablution. They started arguing saying to each other: 'You don't know how to perform ablution." Then, they moved closer to the old man and said: "Oh Old man! Be a judge between us, we will perform ablution and you should tell us whose ablution is right. They performed ablution and asked him which one is correct? Both of you are correct, except that this old ignorant man doesn't know how to perform ablution, but now he has learned it."
4- Felicity in opening an argument is an art that should be done well:
One day a talk went on between Imam Hussein (a.s.) and his brother, Muhammad bin Hanafiyyah. Hanafiyyah wrote a letter to Imam Hussein (a.s.) in which he told: "O! My brother, indeed, my father and your father, Ali, did not prefer you to me nor preferred me to you, and regarding your mother, Fatimah, the daughter of the Messenger of Allah, if the earth full of gold was a property of my mother, it never met your mother's right, and if you read my letter, come on to me until you make me pleased; surely, you have more right in preference than me, and peace be upon you and Allah's Mercy and His Blessings." Then, Imam Hussein (a.s.) did that and after that time, nothing happened between them.
5- The best method in the art of relations is the repayment of evil with good:
"A man stopped Imam Ali bin Husain (a.s.) and abused him but, Imam Ali didn't say anything to him. After he left, the Imam said to his companions: 'Did you hear what that man said? I want you to follow me and witness my reply to him.' They agreed, then, he took his shoes and proceeded, saying: "And he who restrains (their) anger, and forgives (the faults of) men; for Allah loves those who do good (to others)." Holy Qur'an (3: 133) When they heard him saying so, they said: 'He will not say anything to him.
' They proceeded until they reached the house of the man. The Imam told them: 'Tell him it is Ali bin Husain.' The man came out in the mood of fighting thinking that the Imam came to repay what he did to him. The Imam said to him: 'Oh my brother! You stopped me and said such things to me. If I possessed what you said, I seek Allah's forgiveness for it, and if what you said does not pertain to me, then may Allah forgive you.' Hearing this, the man started kissing the face of the Imam and said: 'Rather I said things pertain to myself if not."
6- Do not differentiate yourself from others…be like one of them, it will attract love to you:
"One day the Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) was on a journey. He ordered that a sheep be slaughtered, then one man said: 'Oh Messenger of Allah! I will be in charge of slaughtering it', another one said: 'I will skin it,' and another said: 'I will cook it.' Then, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said: 'I will bring wood for cooking it', they said: 'Oh Messenger of Allah! We are enough to do all these, (no need to suffer yourself).' He (s.a.w.) said: 'I know you will do it, but I hate to be different from you, because the Almighty Allah hates to see His servant differentiating himself from his companions. He stood up and brought the wood.'"
7- Be just to people give rights to the possessor of the right…raise people and be raised:
"Sawadah bin Qais said to the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) at the time of his sickness that: 'O! Messenger of Allah! When you come back from Ta'if, I welcomed you. While you were on your camel with a stick in your hand, and you wanted to bit your camel, it hit my stomach'. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) asked him to come forward and take revenge of the hit. He asked the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) to open his clothing at his stomach; he did so. Seeing this, Sawadah asked him, 'Do you permit me to kiss your stomach?
' The Prophet (s.a.w.) permitted him to do so, then, he (Sawadah) said: 'May Allah protect me from the fire of Hell,' by taking revenge on the Messenger of Allah: Then, the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said: 'O! Sawadah bin Qais! Will you forgive me or do you take revenge?' He said: 'No, I will forgive, O! Messenger of Allah', then, The Prophet said: 'O! My Lord! Forgive Sawadah bin Qais as he forgave Your Messenger, Muhammad!"
8- I learned from life that abuse rotates its self:
"The Leader of the Believers, Imam Ali (a.s.), heard a man abusing Qambar (his servant) and Qambar wanted to reply to him. Amirul- Muminin (a.s.) called him: 'Be patient, Oh, Qambar! Leave him who abused you, so as to please Allah and displease the devil and punish your enemy. I swear with He Who creates grains and the breeze, there is nothing from a believer that pleases the Lord like patience, and displeases the Devil like keeping quite and punishing a stupid person, like silence."
9- The best trial, in the sight of Allah, is fulfilling the need of a believer:
"One day a man came to Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a.s.) and complained about his inability to pay his rent. Imam (a.s.) called Safwan al-Jammal (one of his companions) and said: 'Help your brother in fulfilling his needs. He stood, and went with the man to fulfill his need, then, Safwan came back to Imam Sadiq (a.s.). The Imam asked him what had he done with the need of the man, he said:
'Allah has fulfilled his need.' The Imam (a.s.) said: 'Fulfilling your brother's need is more sweeter to me than the circumambulation (tawaf) of Ka'aba for seven days.'"
Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds
Adapted from the book: "The Art of Social Relations" by: "Al-Balagh Foundation"
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