What are the Factors that Destroy Relations?
- :Al-Balagh Foundation
No doubt the art of social relations requires the understanding of two things together: knowing the factors that strengthen the relationship and knowing the factors that destroy and harm it. This is because knowing the second will help us avoid those things that spoil social relations as it will help us also correct the displeasure of others who don't pay attention to good morals, so as to refrain from anything harmful. In short, each and every one of us will become a mirror for his fellow friend; they are seeing our positive and negative side and we are, also, seeing their positive and negative side.
For the purpose of seeing the real picture, we will present a number of repulsing behavior with the hope that we may preserve our selves against them.
1- The Holy Qur'an makes mention of these in many places and in many terms:
A- Mockery: Is ridiculing others thinking that we are better than they, forgetting that it is possible that they are above us in many things. And there is the possibility that the man we are ridiculing doesn't have a hand in his condition; it is just a divine examination like being a cripple, semi-blind, deaf and dumb. The Almighty Allah says: "Let not a people laugh at (another) people (to scorn) who happily may be better than they nor let women laugh at other women who happily may be better than these." Holy Qur'an (49: 11)
B- Defamation: This is degrading someone with disorder, it is among the most active repellants. It is to see any disability in your brother and hurt him with it or ridicule him in front of others, which may hurt his feelings, where as, Islam calls toward covering others disability. The Almighty Allah says: "and find not fault with each other." Holy Qur'an (49: 11)
C- Giving Offensive Names: Is calling our brothers with names that hurt their feelings. Calling them with such names, means degrading their personality, whereas, Islam enjoins us to call our brothers with the most loveable names. The Almighty Allah says: "nor call one another by nick names." Holy Qur'an (49: 11)
D- Suspicion: Is defining any movement of your brother with bad and suspicious definitions, which is the opposite of what prophetic narrations enjoin us to do. Do not look at the action of others but with good. The Almighty Allah says: "O you who believe! Avoid such suspicion, for verily suspicions (in) some (cases) is a sin." Holy Qur'an (49: 12) The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) also says: "I warned you against suspicion, because suspicion is the most untruthful narration."
E- Spying: As distrust directs you to suspicion, which is an internal action, likewise, it directs you to a physical action which is spying and looking for mistakes. Thus, spying is following the secret of a fellow believer. The Almighty Allah says: "And spy not." Holy Qur'an (49:12)
F- Backbiting: Is talking behind your brother's back in order to discredit him or disagree his personality. If he is what you are saying it is backbiting, and if he isn't, it is fabrication. Backbiting is the act of a coward who cannot face people openly.
It is broader than the act of those who want to find others' disabilities, which is a source of degrading the personality of a believer. The Almighty Allah says: "And let not some of you backbite the others; What! Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother?" Holy Qur'an (49: 12)
G- Calumny: Is transferring what we hear from one person to another in order to spoil their relationship; it is a bad habit.
Instead of doing something to strengthen the relationship between people, the person with this type of habit tries to create misunderstanding between them. Thus, the Almighty Allah says: "And yield you not unto any despicable swearer, defamer, going about with slander." Holy Qur'an (68: 10-11) And it is also reported in a hadith that: "Whoever bring someone's sayings to you will take yours to others.
" And the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "'Would that I tell you about the most evil person among you?' They said: 'O yes, O Messenger of Allah', Then he said: 'They are those who are calumnious, spoilers of relations between people.'"
H- Violating Sanctity: All the above mentioned repellants serve as a way of violating the sanctity of a believer, which was described - by prophetic narration - as superior than the sanctity of Ka'ba. With all these, some people are doing their best to destroy the dignity of a believer in order to downgrade his social position.
The Almighty Allah says: "Verily those who love to spread scandal about those who believe, they shall have a grievous chastisement in this world and the hereafter." Holy Qur'an (24: 19) It is narrated that: "Do not move without modesty between you and your brother….preserve it, because not having it like doing away with shyness.
" It is not virtue to hurt, disgrace, degrade and hurt a believer. The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "Whoever hurts a believer hurts me, and whoever hurts me hurts Allah."
I- Among the factors that destroy brotherhood and friendship is: 'enmity', and 'hostility', 'abuse', which is more controversial than the others, to the extent that the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "Whoever abuses a man, his personality falls and his dignity is gone." And 'malice', arguing', 'hearsay', which is among calumny, backbiting and degrading, 'mutual hatred', which breaks the bridge of relationship, are reported in a hadith that: "In mutual hatred, there is a shaver - not a shaver of hair - but the shaver of religion," and lastly, double-facedness (hypocrisy).
Imam Ali (a.s.) said: "Whoever extends the limits in arguing is an offenders; whoever shortens it is an oppressed. There is no way an argument person can be virtuous."
J- Counting shortcoming: It is an action of revealing evil and a preparation to topple others. It is closer to the action of intelligence agencies in order to find fault. Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq (a.s.) said: "Whoever counts his fellow believer's bad actions in order to downgrade him and spoil his personality will find his abode in hell fire." Some narrations regard it as betrayal.
K- Breakups: Sometimes a relationship between friends breaks up temporarily; this is a natural when any of us sticks to our own opinion. But, if the relationship reaches such a stage, it is not good to leave it to reach a stage of total or permanent breakup, because it is among the things that does away with the Islam of a Muslim and the belief of a believer.
The Holy Prophet (s.a.w.) said: "If two Muslims break their relationship and stay for three days without mending their differences, they are out of Islam. There is no guardianship between them, and whoever starts to talk to the other fellow, will be the first to enter paradise on the day of judgement."
It is mentioned in the law of morals that: "Do not become emotional, do not argue, do not press and do not aggravate your stand… stop an argument in order to refrain from it. The word 'you are not correct' is the shortest way of attracting enmity…accept your mistake when you make it…do not criticize like the criticism of a desolate one, who breaks hearts and degrades spirits. This is the source of misery."
Adapted from the book: "The Art of Social Relations" by: "Al-Balagh Foundation"
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