Question 24
I have a friend who is psychologically confused and absent-minded. I do not know how I can help him. I suffer a lot for his state. Would you please help me save him?
The answer: First of all, I want to tell you that I am pleased to see your love for your friend and your concern to save him. You have a quality that Allah loves for the believers to have. I suggest that in order to save your friend, after relying on Allah and asking His assistance, you should do the following:
1. Be gentle and kind to him that he may trust you!
2. Try, by means of his relatives, to discover his actual problem!
3. To make him trust in you, tell him about similar conditions that you have treated or read about and their treatments!
4. Explain to him the harms of disobedience and the merits of obedience of Allah the Almighty. Perhaps he is melancholy because of remorse for committing a hidden sin. If it is so, ask him to repent and pray to Allah to forgive him, because one who repents of his sin becomes as pure as at the moment when he was born.
5. Inspire in him the spirit of hope, aim, and activeness!
6. Arrange, with your friends, a trip and take him with you and skillfully try to make him participate in group activities and amusements!
Question 25
Most youth suffer from idleness, which is the source of corruption, melancholy, and boredom. What is the way to get out of this impasse?
The answer: The case, in its first point, is connected with the economic state of countries and this is not in our hands. As for the remaining points, they are connected with the culture of the youth. In this concern, we say:
1. Everything can be subjected to man's will if he only knows how to do that.
2. The youth have to create opportunities of work by themselves to the extent that the law will permit them. This requires them to be acquainted with the law.
3. The youth have to reject laziness, extra sleeping, and living based on their desires.
4. They have to know the disadvantages of idleness and leisure for they bring man meanness, cause him to become involved in unlawful things, and lead him to failure in life.
5. A young man should know that life is a responsibility. First, he should be responsible for himself and then for his close relatives.
6. Man should be humble and not disdain to accept a lawful job with the excuse that it is an ordinary job or it does no befit his position or rank. Many are the people who have become wealthy whereas they were poor at the beginning of their lives; and many are the people who have become presidents and high chiefs whereas their beginnings were simple.
7. Creativity is a quality of successful people. Let the youth try to create jobs by which they will be prosperous and live well.
8. Thinking, reading, activeness, joyful spirit, optimism, satisfaction, supplication, and praying are among the main qualities that prepare for opportunities of work and then free time will be occupied and idleness will be treated.
Question 26
What would you suggest to cure my quick anger and emotion, which is called "stress" by psychologists?
The answer: I am answering you with a full conviction that if you follow the answer, you will get the result; otherwise, you will remain as you are. The cure is a mixture of moral and practical matters. You should do the following:
1. Recite the fact of submission to Allah so that your heart feels
peaceful with the mention of Allah the Almighty and then you will see the things that provoke you as simple and easy!
2. Always be (legally) pure!
3. Do not commit any sin!
4. Keep away from anything that provokes your nerves!
5. Always keep your tongue busy with the remembrance of Allah and especially with certain glorifications like "La hawla wala quwwata illa billah al-alliy al-adheem (there is no power save in Allah, the Exalted, the Great)" and "Astaghfirullah (I pray to Allah to forgive me)".
6. Drink cold water whenever you are provoked, pour some on your head, and say salawat (peace and blessings be upon Muhammad and his progeny).
7. Go to an open place to breathe fresh air and to look as far as you can.
8. Be totally indifferent to the thing that causes your anger! Tell yourself that you are more precious than that and so it does not behoove you to exhaust your power and harm yourself!
Question 27
My mother and father disagree with each other over everything, no matter how big or small, and we, the children, become upset whenever their quarrels begin. We are afraid and worried about the future of our family. The question is: what should we do?
The answer: When your parents are at peace, talk to them about the negative effects of quarrel, which may destroy everyone's future. But when they are quarreling, you have to be tolerant and indifferent towards what happens as long as there are no dangerous events. When you become impatient, go to a different place; for example, to another room or to the yard. When they begin quarreling, try to play a cassette of Qur'anic recitation or decide to exchange jokes amongst each other to
stop their quarreling by laughter.
It is necessary for you to know that this state, although it is dangerous for your future if it continues, can be solved if you undertake your responsibility as adult children in the house and as alternatives to the parents who are sunken in the fire of rage and selfishness. Do not worry, you will soon grow and live independently away from them. In order to not be like your parents, you should take lessons from their state, for as Imam Ali (s) has said, "a reasonable one is he who takes lessons from the experiments of others."
Question 28
The memories of my childhood and the problems of my family that led to the physical abuse and then to the divorce of my father and mother and the misfortunes that followed distress me. I do not know how to forget them. Whenever I remember them, I become so distressed that I lose my composure and I faint. There is no doubt that these things exhaust man's strength and abilities, which he needs for success in his future. Would you please tell me how to be rid of this state?
The answer: One of the most important bases of raising children is the relationship between parents, which is based on love, respect, mutual understanding, and cooperation. It gives children spiritual and mental stability, and this is what you have lost in your childhood. However, this does not mean that you should apply to your life what happened to your parents. Every one has an independent will and his punishment near Allah does not have anything to do with others' punishments. If you agree with me on this belief, which is a fact in our true religion, you should do the following:
1. Seize any opportunity to build your personality and gain the factors of success in your life!
2. Consider any success in your life as possible of being repeated and reproduced and do not stop after a certain point or satisfy yourself with what you have achieved!
3. Know well that man, whatever bitter memories may distress him or press on his nerves, is able to pass over them on condition that he trusts in his mental abilities and relies on his Lord.
4. Do not allow negative memories to overcome your heart! Try to omit them from your memory! Whenever they attack you, busy yourself with reciting the Holy Qur'an, reciting supplications, reading good books, and remembering your nice memories, or leave your place, perform ablution, and walk and ponder over nature, the sky and its stars, the sea and its wonders, the trees and their fruits, the flowers and their fragrances ...
5. Read books that will help you build a faithful personality and learn the ways that the believers succeeded, and read about the great people in history! You will find that most of them have undergone in their childhood different family and social sufferings like orphanhood, homelessness, and injustice. Kerbala 1 of Imam Husayn (s) gave us great lessons which were completed by Imam Husayn's sister, Zaynab, who inspired the spirit of resistance in the orphans and captives until she turned the apparently victorious into the real defeated. On the other hand, successful discoveries and inventions have come after many failed experiments. Then, shake off the dust of your memories and extort from your parents' failure your success!
Question 29
Could you please explain to me the reasons for a young person's becoming corrupt and failed in life? My sister and I are close in age. I am thirty years old and she is twenty-eight years old, but in regards to faith, there is a great difference between us, even though our father and mother (may Allah have mercy on them) were very faithful. Please, tell me how to save my sister from what harms our reputation and family honor!
________________________
1 Kerbala is a place in Iraq where Imam Husayn (s) was martyred on the famous day of Aashura.
The answer: Deviation from the right path begins when man feels that he is in not in need of anyone besides himself and when there he has no wise advisor. A young man or a young woman begin to establish relationships that may slowly lead him/her to serious problems because one's conduct develops via the relationships surrounding him, then his feeling of independence and his desire to be different from others grow, and he begins to prove his personality through resistance and mutiny. Here, parents and relatives should know that regret would be useless!
From the first moment that a youth feels that he is not in need of anyone else, there must be an advisor there to guide him to the right way. But, after he is snatched away from his kind nurturing family by bad persons, reforming him will be very difficult, except in special cases, and will require great efforts.
Social studies confirm that the disregard of parents, whether willingly or unwillingly, towards this fact is the basis of motivating children to go towards corruption. The methods used by parents or guardians in dealing with children (i.e., whether they grant children full freedom, treat them dictatorially, or treat them moderately) have the main role in forming the future conducts of children. Unfortunately, parents are negligent of their children in the initial stages of their lives, and then the children face problems when they grow up because they were trained to walk towards corruption and deviation. It is not right to give children full freedom or treat them dictatorially. To be safe from educational obstacles, one should treat his children moderately. This is what we ask those who are responsible for the future of children to do.
Moderation, which is the Islamic method in dealing with everything, means caring for both the material and moral needs together. Providing clothes, food, shelter, and a superior education do not mean achieving moderation as some believers think, but it is also necessary to add moral education, religious teachings, and good manners. O dear sister who is worried about the honor of her family, the
case of your sister, who has become different from the rest of the members of the family, is a result of a previous negligence of those who were in charge of the family when your sister began associating with bad girls and watching films and reading books and magazines that led girls away from veil, abstinence, and faith.
All this is in regards to before the problem occurs, but after it happens, I advise you to do the following:
1. Bring her good cassettes, films, and books and ask some good friends to try guiding her!
2. Do not distress yourself at all because some relatives of the Prophet (s) and of the infallible imams (s) have followed the Satan, but Allah has said to His kind Messenger, (Surely you cannot guide whom you love, but Allah guides whom He pleases).1
3. Do not cut your relation with her, because this would make her deviate even more!
4. Let her see in you the example of the Islamic morals! You should show her your love for her and help her in her affairs so that she may come closer to you and be influenced by your faith and morals!
Question 30
I am a young girl. I want to begin my life safe from obstacles. You know well that the mistakes in marital, family, and social relations are too many. How can we avoid falling into them?
The answer: There are four factors that lead one to fall into mistakes. The first is a psychological factor. It is when man follows his desire and loves himself, his kin, friends, party, or country in a way that his love does not submit to the Islamic values declared in the Holy Qur'an and the Prophetic Sunna.
The cure, here, is achieved by submitting this psychological factor to the true wisdom of religion. Submission to the will of
________________________
1 Qur'an, 28:56.
Allah and relying on Him in the lawful way of living cause the psychological factor to become defeated.
The second is a material factor that concerns the physical condition of body. It is clear that some mistakes occur due to some pressure caused by a pain that man cannot tolerate and so he does what he would not do if he were sound and healthy. Weather, noise, and fatigue are also among the material factors.
The cure lies in treating the diseases and getting rid of what troubles one's body and annoys his nerves.
The third is an intellectual factor, which concerns the shallow cultural level or the kind of culture that one receives. One must get his intellects and cultures from honest sources in order to not become involved in mistakes due to ignorance or wrong information.
The fourth is an environmental factor. Bad friends in the street and school or an unreligious family cause one to fall into mistakes.
As long as one is influenced by these factors, he will fall into mistakes and as long as he keeps away from them, he will remain safe.
Dear sister, you should follow the practical steps first by knowing Allah and being sincere to Him without flattering anyone. You should care much for your bodily health, think correctly, and then choose good persons to be your friends.
Question 31
I have a friend, who does not dislike religion but he finds it difficult to adhere to during his university study. When I invite him to religion, he says, 'I think it is better to spend my youth in studying until I attain a high degree in the medical field. When I graduate, open a clinic, get married, and arrange my material life in all sides, I shall begin thinking of my afterlife and keeping to religion.' I hope that you will guide him and those like him to the right path with what is easy for the youth.
The answer: All of the religious teachings are easy because Allah, Who is aware of what benefits us and what harms us, has said in the Qur'an, (Allah desires ease for you, and He does not desire for you difficulty).1
Dear ambitious brother, the problem has two dimensions:
The first is understanding this easy religion, about which the Prophet (s) often said proudly, 'I have been sent with an easy and lenient Sharia'. Many people and many scholars do not know the truth of this religion and the way of following its teachings.
The second dimension is disregarding the true meanings of "easy" and "difficult", which leads to mixing them up. Some people, for example, think that refraining from unlawful looking (at women) is difficult; therefore, they look because they consider that to be easier, but they do not know that this looking throws them into lustful imaginations when alone and then they fall into sin in different ways that weaken their concentration in study and work. Then the matter continues to get them to major sins and then problems fall on them one after the other. Their sufferings continue until they meet actual difficulties; whereas if they, from the very beginning, refrain from unlawful looking and do not consider it as a difficulty, they will not become involved in these difficulties, which they thought would be easy.
In this case, knowing religion correctly is the best way to practically distinguish between ease and difficulty. With this knowledge man can avoid difficulty and enjoy ease and then the way will become clear for him to achieve his material aims successfully. This is what religious people who act with reason and ambition experience. They have proven that there is no objection between true religion and modern science. In fact, the true religion complements modern science when it is used in its right place. There are many scientists in medicine, engineering, electronics, etc. who have put their abilities and
________________________
1 Qur'an, 2:185.
talents at the service of injustice and corruption and harmed millions of people everywhere. However, if they were religious, they would have put their abilities in the way of justice and goodness, and so the societies would be safe from them, and people would pray to Allah to have mercy upon them, and besides that they would be happy in the afterlife.
Why does your friend think that it is difficult to adhere to religion and study in the university while he and we see, nowadays, religious young men studying in the European universities? Then, how about the universities in our own (Islamic) countries?
I fear for this university student the dangers of his reasoning, so I would like to draw his attention to the tradition narrated from Imam al-Baqir (s) when he said, 'This world is a market, in which some people profit and others lose.' Let this brother see from which people he wants to be! Let him too ponder on this saying of Allah, (And say: Work; so Allah will see your work and (so will) His Messenger and the believers).1
Question 32
I know that contentment is the cause of psychological ease and the way to attain happiness, but the question is: how can I be from the people of satisfaction and contentment?
The answer: 1. Thank Allah for every blessing especially for those that others do not have!
2. Do not yearn for the pleasures that other people have!
3. When someone criticizes you, accept his criticism and do not stickle or deny it while you know your state well! I do not mean that you should acknowledge whatever people tell you even if it is not true, but I mean that you have to accustom yourself to accept criticism from others and not to attack the advisors. The very acceptance of criticism and gratitude to a criticizer is a high moral value. In other words, you have to accustom
________________________
1 Qur'an, 9:105.
yourself to accept criticism while indifferent to whether or not it is true because this is a civil feature and a practical invitation to reject violence and dictatorship which are the causes of most of our misfortunes.
4. Take lessons from your mistakes!
5. Adapt yourself to every problem you face! Accommodation is a successful way to get rid of problems or to limit their destructive effects.
6. Try to be truthful to yourself and kind to others, for a double-faced person is unsuccessful!
7. Offer your love, kindness, and help to even those who do not offer such things to you!
8. Always think of what you shall ultimately meet, whether willingly or unwillingly! I mean death and the afterlife because death divides man into two parts: one part remains in the earth until the Day of Resurrection, and the other part is sent to Heaven until the hour of Punishment.
9. Know well that the heart is a sacred sanctum; if you visit it at night and asked its Lord for your needs, He orders His angels: 'Give him! It is I, Who have promised him, and it is I, Who carry out My promise. Have I not said, (And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he calls on Me, so they should answer m4, call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way). 1
10. Be certain and do not forget that if man possessed the entire earth, he would be greedy to possess the heaven too, but when death comes, he finds himself with neither the earth nor the heaven! Then, for what is this greediness?
11. Always, remember the advantages of contentment and the disadvantages of greed!
12. To acquire these qualities, read about them in books and
________________________
1 Qur'an, 2:186.
associate with those who have these qualities in their conducts! With these points, I hope that you will arrive at your aim; and do not forget me in your prayers!
Question 33
I suffer from suddenly becoming excited and angry. Please tell me, when I am angry, which way should I follow: should I suppress my anger or should I cast it on the ones who have caused it by shouting at and abusing them? Can you suggest to me a third alternative? I do not like the second way, though I follow it, and as for the first way, I fear that pangs may cause me to have heart failure or an apoplexy, and I do not want to die or become paralyzed. Please, show me the right way!
The answer: Up until twenty years ago, psychologists thought that it was better for man's physical health for him to cast his anger on others instead of suppressing it and suffering from its destructive psychological and physical effects. But nowadays, this theory has become weak before the evidences of the scientists who believe that worry, psychological turmoil, spite, and internal contradictions between mind and desires cause physical diseases o and especially heart failure whether man suppresses his anger or casts it onto others. However, scientists do not deny the fatal effect of the suppression of anger.
But Islam has a third way. It is by following these steps:
1. Change your position or place when you become angry and excited by sitting if you are standing, standing if you are sitting, or leaving the place for another open place and breathing as deeply as possible while raising and lowering the hands slowly!
2. Think of the greatness of Allah and His ability to punish criminals and of His patience and forgiveness if they repent and do good!
3. If you can drive out your anger from yourself through a shout or some tears shed in private, it would be better for you.
4. Look forward to the reward of Allah and think of the good end that Allah has promised the patient!
5. Impartially study the problem that has caused you to become angry, and even if the cause isn't yours, confess your mistake and turn back to your reason. This will comfort you because sincerity is the way to deliverance!
6. In your study of your anger and melancholy, ask yourself the following questions and reflect deeply on the answers:
Is the matter so important that it justifies all this suffering? Does the problem disappear with anger, anxiety, or pain?
Is your personality more important or responding to anger and taking revenge?
Does the one whom you become angry at and abuse have no dignity that he would defend himself by quarreling or does he suppress himself and suffer from pain like yours? Is this the cure?
Dear Muslim young man, put these points before you now and walk in your new way; it is a happy way.
