For a Better Future
200 questions and answers regarding the concerns ofthe youth, marriage, and children
by: Abdul Adheem al-Muhtadi al-Bahrani
Translated by: Abdullah al-ShahinDEDICATION
I present this humble effort to my father and mother, who brought me up when I was little, gave me a good name, taught one writing and religious principles, and married me as soon as I became an adult. They have completed their duties towards me; in fact, they have done to me more than I deserved. I pray to Allah the Almighty to make me successful in achieving my duties towards them as long as I live and to gather me with them in 'Paradise near Prophet Muhammad (s) and his pure progeny.
I hope with this dedication to give a reward to the soul of my dear father and to be dutiful to my dear mother (May Allah keep her safe and sound).
O Allah, accept my effort and guide my children to do better than I have done!
I BEGIN HERE
I do not think that there is someone who has not thought about the future! Even the insane, who have lost their minds, think of the future at least to the extent of their eating to remain alive. Normal human beings, regardless of whether or not they have religious beliefs, often think of the future. They always ask about tomorrow - how will it begin and how will it end?
Therefore, human beings persist in their daily routines and hence their cultures and environments determine their conduct in life - either to bring them happiness or to bring them wretchedness, depending on the kind of culture and upbringing they receive. It is narrated that Imam al-Baqir (s), has said when interpreting the phrase "his food" mentioned in the Verse, (then let man look to his food)1, that it means the knowledge one receives from others.2
Hence, it becomes clear that culture and intellect are of great importance and that the deviate culture, which most people pay no attention to at all, is too dangerous.
At the same time when Islam ha's emphasized reading and researching through the Qur'an, the Sunna, and the conducts of its great leaders, we find the tragedy of aversion from reading in general and from reading the religious knowledge in particular. This is the state of many people who consider themselves Muslims whereas their Prophet (s) had encouraged and emphasized reading, seeking knowledge, mediation, pondering, and planning for the future. In fact, the Prophet (s) had spent his holy life educating the Umma with this principled method according to the verse that had been revealed unto him, (He it is Who raised among the unlettered ones a
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1 Qur'an, 80:24.
2 Usool al-Kafi, vol.1 p.50 trd. (tradition) 8.
Messenger from among themselves, who recites to them His communications and purifies them, and teaches them the Book and the Wisdom, although they were before certainly in clear error. And others from among them who have not yet joined them; and He is the Mighty, the Wise).1
After this, is it not regrettable to say about ourselves that we are Muslims and we are from the community of Prophet Muhammad (s) while we feed on bad cultures and imitate foreign habits via misleading pens, pre-planned films, and immoral books and magazines that fish in the troubled water?
I do not deny that time and changes in technology have made a revolution in the life of man and made his requirements and ideas differ from those of man in the previous ages. However, I deny this to be a cause for man to become detached from religion, human nature, and morals, and then to submit to the news of the nowadays life and disregard what Allah has wanted from His people.
The cultural attacks and the foreign propagandas are like poisons mixed with cultural foods and with attractive colors that aim at depriving the Muslims, whether an individual, spouses, a family, or a society, of their Islamic values, pure education, and honest life. The foreigners market their goods in our countries to revive the economy in their countries. But all of that causes man to lose the eternal happiness in the afterlife.
The Muslim youth, and especially the girls, should pay close attention to these dangers and slips that are hidden behind the satellite TV stations, the internet, misleading films, meetings of amusement, singing and mixed dancing, private places, and even the public streets where there is mixing of sexes.
Beware of all that and do not be heedless for death is not negligent! Death precedes wishes and hopes, and the careless people will have painful torments (on the Day of Resurrection), and then neither regret will benefit them nor will they be
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1 Qur'an, 62:2-3.
allowed to return to the life to repair what they have ruined. Allah says, when talking about the careless people at the time of death, (Until when death overtakes one of them, he says: Send me back, my Lord, haply I may do good in that which I have left. By no means! It is a (mere) word that he speaks; and before them is a barrier until the day they are raised)1 and (And the day when the unjust one shall bite his hands saying: O! would that I had taken a way with the Messenger!).2
Allah has announced before, (... surely the hearing and the sight and the heart, all of these, shall be questioned about that).3 Then, why are these precious Divine blessings wasted in trivial amusements and used in attaining detrimental cultures contrary to what Allah has ordered? Why this deep torpor and apathy?
The "future" we mean in this book is two "futures." One refers to this worldly life and the other to the afterlife because "the worldly life is the farm of the afterlife", and according to the Islamic view they both are considered of equal importance towards man's life and future. Allah says, (Whoever does good whether male or female and he is a believer, We will most certainly make him live a happy life), and this is the first future in the worldly life, (and We will most certainly give them their reward for the best of what they did)4 and this is the second future in the afterlife.
It is reported that Ameerul Mo'mineen (Imam Ali) (s) has said, 'Whoever does good for his afterlife, Allah will make his worldly life good.'5
The worldly life and the afterlife are not separate according to the Islamic view. We make our afterlife good by being good in
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1
1 Qur'an, 23:99-100.
2 Qur'an, 25:27.
3 Qur'an, 17:36.
4 Qur'an, 16:97.
5 Ghurar al-Hikam, 689.
this worldly life. Our second future depends on our first future; if our first future is good, our second future will be good and if it is bad our second future will be bad too. Allah says, ((As for) that future abode, We assign it to those who have no desire to exalt themselves in the earth nor to make mischief and the good end is for those who guard (against evil)).1
Dear reader, this book has between its lines the keys of the first and the second future, which is the best and which begins with you at the present moment. Yes, now and at every moment and with every breath you live your future. So with what thinking and culture do you want to live your future in this world in order to move, after it, happily to your second future in the afterlife, which has no equal at all?
That which your Kind, Wise Lord has revealed to your great Prophet and that which your pure Imams have clarified is the truth that can make a happy and pleasant future.
Our present society, which is diseased with different kinds of cultural, psychological and behavioral diseases, will not recover, unless it makes a great effort to improve itself towards a better future!This is clear in the saying of Allah, (Surely Allah does not change the condition of a people until they (first) change that which is in their hearts).2 This is the law of life. Allah says, (And that man shall have nothing but what lie strives for, and that his striving shall soon be seen. Then shall he be rewarded for it with the fullest reward, and that to your Lord is the goal).3
Let no Muslim man or Muslim woman think that he or she may be happy in his or her individual, marital or family life or that his or her offspring may be happy in this life and the afterlife without undertaking the responsibility of a very exacting task! Let him or her think deeply about the cultures on which he or
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1 Qur'an, 28:83.
2 Qur'an, 13 :11.
3 Qur'an, 53:39-42.
she relies and on which he or she educates those around him or her in a way leading him or her to please Allah and gain His great contentment.
Dear reader, man and woman, whether you are single, married, or a father or a mother of some children! We have tried in this book to discuss the problems of your youth, marital life, and educational affairs in three chapters, trying our best to give correct answers derived from the Holy Qur'an and the Sunna of the Prophet (s) and the Infallible Imams (s) in a scientific style and easy language to be understood by all.
Because the questions that have come to us through various formats (letters, oral questions, or studying the problems of people at large) concern different classes of society, we have given answers in an easy language that can be understood by all. We have cited the questions only from the letters that have details in order to not lengthen the book. We have not ignored the similar questions for sometimes they have different answers that are of further advantage.
I want to say something very important to the readers before they start reading this book. Let them imagine they are inside a / pharmacy, which contains many different kinds of drugs. Readers know well that all the drugs are not meant as treatment for one person; instead, each person gets a drug according to his disease for which he went to the doctor and then to the pharmacy.
In the same - way, this book is like a pharmacy containing different intellectual and educational drugs for different levels and different problems. A reader, who reads this book, has to take from it what satisfies his need. If an idea does not please him, let him not deny it nor deny the book for this very idea may please another whose problem is cured by it. One should rather place himself in the shoes of the one who has sent us the question and then ponder on our answer with an Islamic realistic eye to see whether it cures or distresses him!
One example is our position towards "temporary marriage" and
"polygamy." Perhaps there may be someone who does not like or denies it, but if he puts himself in the situation of the one whose cure is "temporary marriage" in order to not become involved in adultery or other unlawful things, then he will agree with us indulgently. At the same time, I disagree with the conduct of one who practices temporary marriage or marries a second wife while he suffers from no problem requiring that solution.
One who suffers pain in his stomach, for example, does not have to use the drug of one who suffers pain in his nose. Rather, if he does that, he may harm himself or he will get no benefit from the drug because he did not put a suitable thing in its suitable place.
Hence, wisdom is the basis of success and happiness in life. Allah says, (...and whoever is granted wisdom, he indeed is given a great good).1
I pray to Allah to grant us success to do whatever He pleases and likes and to make our afterlife better than our worldly life by virtue of Muhammad al-Mustafa (s) and his progeny, the best of the human beings.
17, Rabee'ul Awwal, 1421 AH, the anniversary of the birth of the master of the Prophets, Muhammad bin Abdullah (s) Holy Qom Abdul Adheem al-Muhtadi al-Bahrani________________________
Qur'an, 2:269.
CHAPTER ONE
WHAT THE YOUTH NEED
What qualities do you think a good Muslim youth should have to be successful?
The answer: I think he or she should possess the following qualities:
1. Sincerely believing in Allah and completely relying on Him
2. Being able to control and lead himself
3. Always looking for progress and success within what Allah has permitted
4. Driving fear away from inside him
5. Being magnanimous and patient
6. Not belittling himself
7. Observing the Islamic principles and dealing with people accordingly
8. Making use of every blessing Allah has given to him
9. Caring for his health and the right of his body over him
10. Not being excessive in eating and drinking
11. Not leaving himself without money that he often needs
12. Serving other people as much as possible
13. Not being confused when someone disagrees with him
concerning his true belief, for people, throughout history, are different
14. Liking to undertake and carry out responsibilities
15. Being frank and honest and not beating around the bush
16. Not delaying in doing good
17. Reading useful books that will benefit him
18. Making friends with good people
19. Not thinking of gaining the content of every one around him, because this requires hypocrisy
20. Avoiding disputes and idle talks
21. Not mocking others
22. Mentioning the good deeds and fine qualities of others
23. Criticizing himself and watching his deeds
24. Persuading himself that he is able to do what is required
25. Thanking Allah for every blessing
26. Not being like a tool in the hands of others
27. Knowing his position in life well
28. Showing his opinion with evidence when needed
29. Looking at his listeners when talking with them
30. Being more a listener than a speaker
31. Participating in the meetings of joy considering their etiquette and the meetings of consolation considering their etiquette
32. Offering presents to those who have given him presents on occasions
33. Believing that he is important in life and has a value in the existence
34. Not involving himself in bad doings, and when this happens, he has to repent, pray to Allah to forgive him, and try to restore his morale
35. Not living idly and not wasting his time
36. Looking forward to the future and trying to achieve it
sincerely
37. Arming himself with good deeds to receive the death that he shall meet inevitably
38. Not spending his life unmarried
39. Reciting the Qur'an and supplications with understanding and reflection
40. Sparing something of his moneys for emergencies
41. Not being satisfied with a certain limit of success and stop going forward
42. Pardoning those who do wrong to him
43. Strengthening his relations with his kin and being dutiful to his family
44. Ordering his life, relations and all his affairs
Question 2
How can I make use of my age and youth? When I see the others (old people) who did nothing worthwhile in life and wasted, during their youth, their times in nonsensical and absurd things that did not provide them with a good future, I become more determined and tell myself "I do not want to be like them". But I do not know what to do or how I should begin and what the causes of failure are. Please show me the way!
The answer: There are three main factors that waste one's time, age, and good opportunities, and consequently they throw man into the afterlife empty-handed save with regret.
The first factor is the individual himself through:
1. living nervously
2. being busy with trivial and unnecessary things
3. living irregularly without organizing his times and works
4. procrastination and laziness
5. curiosity and interfering in others' affairs
6. having poor information about the necessary issues of life
7. loneliness and little association with the society
8. hesitation and not being determined in taking decisions
9. not planning for the future
The second factor is the individual and the others around him through:
1. long idle meetings
2. guests that come with no appointment
3. speaking on the telephone for a long time on trivial and unimportant matters
4. unreasonable requests of others
5. associating with aimless persons
6. amusement programs, especially sitting for hours to watch TV serials and cinema movies The third factor is accidents, like:
1. illness
2. traffic accidents
3. losing things such as money, books, and other things
Dear brother, you should be aware of these things that deprive you of your time and ease, and you should not engage in these behaviors. On the other hand, you should read the life histories of the great and successful people. You will learn how to make use of your time, how to build your life and future, and then you will make your family and other people proud of you. The thing more important than all that is that you will please Allah and He will please you when you will meet Him lonely and then He will grant you the eternal bliss. This is the right way and all else is loss and torment.
Question 3I am a young man. I have been involved in a great sin. Feeling sin on the one hand and my weak determination before my lust on the other hand have made me desperate of the forgiveness of Allah, and I feel that I will definitely be in Hell. At the same time, I fear that I am not
right in this opinion. Would you please guide me to the right solution?
The answer: Confess your sin before Allah and pray to Him to help you with a real repentance! You do not need to ask for forgiveness with a difficult language or eloquent words. Speak easily and spontaneously and say what is inside your heart in any way you can, for Allah knows what is in one's heart even before it comes to his tongue.
Know well that despairing of the forgiveness of Allah is a sin even greater than the sin you were originally involved in, because despair opens the door wider before you to commit all sins and it is this that will get you into Hell and not your first sin! Therefore, Islam has considered despairing of Allah's mercy as the greatest of sins. It is this that Satan, the first enemy of man, wants for you on the Day of Resurrection.
O young man, fill your heart with a big hope of getting the forgiveness of Allah and try determinedly not to commit the sin again! When you commit a sin, you should hasten immediately to Allah and ask Him to forgive you. You should never cut your relation with Allah in any case. If you go east or west, you shall not find a god like your Lord, Whom you disobey but He, although able to punish you at once, grants you a respite and says that He loves those who ask Him for forgiveness, loves the repentant, and loves those who purify themselves. Besides, He loves to reward you with His Paradise if you turn to Him sincerely.
O young man, whatever you may have done to disobey Allah, you are still not a polytheist. Allah has made incumbent on Himself to forgive everything other than polytheism. Let the Satan not delay you in seeking forgiveness and make you lose the opportunity, for you do not know when you shall die. You may die at the moment of your procrastination and then you will have wasted the opportunity and lost the eternal happiness.
When you decide to return to Allah, do not forget that the cruxof repentance is feeling regretful for what you have committed, determining to give up that sin forever, giving the dues of people back to them, and offering the missed obligations as much as possible! Abide by this sincerely and you will find that the pleasure of lawful things is sweeter than the pleasure of unlawful things.
Question 4
I am a teenager from a religious family. I have a friend who is corrupt, but I am very fond of him. I do not know what to do!
The answer: Use your love towards him as a means of advising him and saving him by taking him towards guidance! It has been narrated in a Prophetic tradition that guiding one person is better than the worldly life and all it contains.
Do not forget that love is good when it reaps goodness and it is a means of deviation when it transfers bad morals from your friend to you! A rational person is one who thinks of the outcome of things and then considers the actual situation - what is important and what is more important.
Try to be more reasonable than sentimental because if emotion overpowers you in the important situations, it will destroy you and then convey you to Hell! Of course, this is not what you want nor can bear.
Question 5
I know well that lying is one of the vices, but I practice it easily in small or great situations. I do not know how to get rid of it. Please guide me, may Allah reward you with good!
The answer: Every action may change into a habit whether it is good or bad. Lying has become a habit to you and so, although it will be difficult, you have to defeat this habit by being very careful for a period of time until it changes into its opposite, which is truthfulness.
First, repent and ask Allah to forgive you this sin before death surprises you and then you would go to the painful punishment
that Allah has prepared for the liars.
Second, be alone with yourself, ponder on the reasons that have led you to this vice and try to finish off those causes in order to get rid of the result.
Third, compare the advantages of truthfulness and the harms of lying on every side - family, society and individually! For example, you can read some books in this concern and then the motives of straightness will be able to treat your case.
Fourth, accustom yourself to do good deeds such as reading religious books, pondering on the hereafter, helping the needy, being dutiful to parents, and teaching others what you have learnt of religion!
Fifth, always remember the tradition, 'A believer does not feel the pleasure of faith in his heart, until he gives up lying, whether it is done seriously or jokingly.'
Sixth, think that if your lying is uncovered before others, which it undoubtedly will be, then what will your situation be? How will you meet with that embarrassment?
Seventh, know well that a liar has no dignity near people and near his relatives! Do you want to be worthless near people?
I hope, with these practical points, that you are able to rid yourself of a feature that you know well to be one of the worst vices.
