Family book

The Child's Education in Islam

Author : Ismail Abdullah

The root of Islamic education gain its fountain head from what came in the Book of Allah the most High in the origin and good elevated Ethics till the prophet {s.a.w.a} said: "My Lord educates me and give me a sound education". When we ponder the situations of the Ignorant society the prophet was sent to,

we meet that they were completely lack of spiritual personality or a commended conduct........ Then ponder over how the holy Prophet was able in the midst of this tedious environment with morale and in a very short period of time to produce from them the best Nation among men. Verily the Prophet {s.a.w.a} was able to do that due to his high level of Ethics and his faith for human personality and his due respect to it.

That is why Allah the most High has said in his respect: "Surely thou art upon a mighty morality".

When we ponder over his words, advices and his sermons in this field, we will see the purpose and what it meant, it is in it self a law suitable to emerge an origination on it, then his sayings {s.a.w.a} "Good child is a scent from the scents of the Paradise" or his saying {s.a.w.a} "Who ever kiss his child, Allah will write good deeds for his and whoever teaches him Quran, the parents will be prayed for and covered with two garment that the inhabitant of the Paradise shines from their light".

You will found that mercy, love and sympathy drop from this word that the child needs from the foster parents in order to emerge as a good and fair origination.

When Imam Ali's {peace be upon him} foundation put forward before the readers of this book that was translated to English language it aimed to easy the ways to attain the fundamentals of Islamic education, believing on the responsibility that was on her, that Islam present the divine great trust to the people with its magnificent pictures and good condition.

INTRODUCTION BY MARKAZ RISALLAH

The past and present scholars of child training have tried to guide to the comprise method of training with precise ways, fundamental and a guaranteed criterions by studying what is fit for the stage of childhood. In this respect they have given much struggles and continuous hardship till they were able to reach views,

suggestions and advices that will lead one to value and benefit (in terms of theoretical aspect) but with all this effort they were not able to precise an accurate method which is reliable in solving difficult problems that will protect this sensitive stage of human life. They were also not able to solve the daily increasing difficulties one after the other that are facing the fathers, the mothers (parents) and teachers in this respect.

Unfortunately may be many Muslims have followed on the western schools (especially this practitioner fields) to we achieve from them their method of training, and it miss them that there are successful remedy in Islamic laws to solve all this difficulties for them. Verily there are assistance and unexhausted advices, guidance,

teachings and the life history of the great Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon him and his descendants) and that of the biography of the Ahlulbait (Peace be upon them) if they utilized in the field of education and applied in many areas, it could have been enough to establish the best fundamentals and the highest exemplary in the mind of the child to set him up as a fair and sound formation and to make him a sound personality that will be able in his own role to build the community.

Verily the Islamic method that is able to precise its feature and its laws relying on the holy Quran, the tradition of the biography of the Prophet and all that was transmitted from the infallible Imams (Peace be upon them) aimed at establishing a prudent education for the child before the commencement of coagulation of the embryo in the womb of the mother and it continue with him till he is matured from incapability passing through the stage of pregnancy, birth, breast feeding and early childhood.

O' my dear readers the book before you was able to precise the feature of Islamic education that in a form to prepare the child psychologically, mentally and morally base on the verses of the Quran, the traditions from our great Prophet (Peace be upon him and his descendants) and from the Ahlulbait (Peace be upon them). It also benefits from the modern studies in this field.

Our center is pleased to present this beneficial and interesting lessons in giving its quota in assistance to the fathers, mothers and workers in the child education, that was to simplify the clear and most perfect method and secured in bringing up a child with a sound and good originations, so that he gives his desired role.

The family is the first fundamental institute what in the surplus Social institutions that takes the responsibility of preparing the child before reach in to the society so that he can become an active element for its continuity base on competence, good and active construction. The family is the first point where the origination of one as member of human being, so it is where all positive and negative effect begins. Therefore Islam gives a special consideration to the family that fit its role while discharging his responsibility.

It has then laid down fundamental laws in organizing it and regulates its affairs distributing the specialties and specifies the duties that they are responsible to execute especially training the child with a sound and fair education equilibrated in all aspects of personality, thought, emotion and conduct.

Islam calls for the protection of the family entity and to distance its members from devastation and destruction and all that will lead to creation of confusion and chaos in the relation, which will leads to forfeiture of the child with crumbling the entity which protect and prepared them for future for those anticipating for them.

The Islamic teachings and guidance came to create sound atmosphere in order to develop the child physically, emotionally, morally and his concept. Through fair development it gives ability to the child or a future human being a resistance of inconstancy of the life and rise against its burden, because of this, Islamic method commence with the child from early stages, with marriage relation pass through delivery (birth) nursing and stage before the age of puberty ending when he gain complete independence after self reliance.

We divided the discussion here on chapters:

In the first chapter we deal with the general method of training in family relation. In the second chapter we deal with stages before pregnancy and during pregnancy. For the third chapter we deal with the stage after birth (the stage of breast feeding). In the forth chapter we deal with things that connect with the stage of early childhood and lastly we deal with the youth and Adolescence stage in the fifth chapter.

We will benefit from the verses of the Holy Quran and Narration that specially related from the Ahlulbait (Peace be upon them) and also we will benefit from the modern facts.

{And from Him the most High we obtain help and settlement}

The family relation has an important role to play in building the family and strengthening the relation among its members, it has effect in the growing and bringing up Childs and conveying him to the stage of independence and perfection.

The thought, psychology and affectionate atmosphere that the family creates for the child gives him the ability to take a serious form in his self, his family and his society. From this point of view, verily the child is in need of training methods to organize its mode of life. Then to urge the role, the obligatory and precise the competence to guide the effective relation while commencing the child training. The precise guides to the methods of training are as follows :

The adopted method in life that is effective in ones conduct is the one that makes ones faith and internal feelings towards true behavior and change this movement to firmly established custom. Ones habit remains interacting with designated teachings and programs. Unity of method is the criterion and Measures use to elevate ones conduct in terms of far and near teachings and subjected programs.

It is then on the parent to conjoint on a collective method that will identify to both of them, the relations, role and the obligations in different angles.

The Islamic method with its stable laws is the best method necessarily to be adopted by Muslim families because it is a divine method stipulated by Allah the most High and the absolute Master on entire life and acquainted with all issues and complicatedness in life.

It is a method that is suitable with human nature, no any obscure nor ambiguity in it because there is no responsibility with in-ability. This is a point of acceptance by a Muslim and a Muslim family that all instructions and laws of conduct derived it's strengthen and efficient from Allah the most High. This peculiarity makes the family to have the certainty and affirmation right inside him by following this method. Then there is no chance to argue it's genuine or ineffectiveness.

It is enough to accomplish the felicity in the family that collaborates to give right and fair training to the child. If any disorder or lapses in relationship occurred when observes some of the roles, verily the Islamic method of teaching is there to intervene to put an end to it. The Islamic method has given general laws in dealings, relations, roles and in conduct but branches of the laws or the details of the general laws and its substantial are differs base on the changes of place and time.

It is then incumbent on the parents to concord on the details of the implementations, on laws and criterions that are firmly accepted by both of them, there is no difference in the relation between both of them or the relation between them and the children and that of the method of training that is necessary to apply with them, because difference in ways and methods of dealing with the child will lead to understandable measures and laws of conduct with the child.

The child will then try to be contended with the father one way and the mother the other way, all this leads to the child's psychological, sentimental and behavioral disorder. The children which were brought up from a home that the parents are not conjoined in training him are always in dilemma than those brought up from a conjoined trained home. 1

Among the incumbent duties of the parents is to establish cordiality, stability and tranquility in the family.

The most High said: {and one of His signs is that: He created mates for you from yourselves that you might find rest in them and He ordained between you love and mercy.....} 2

Relation between husband and wife is cordial and kind relation. This relation pacifies the soul, calm the nerves, tranquil to the soul and comfort to the body.

Cordiality is the bonds that holds the family together and strengthen its formation and its continuity as one entity. Cordiality and blessing leads to exchange of respect and real assistance in solving difficulties and problems that occurs to the family. Cordiality is necessary in order to equilibrate the emotional feelings in the child. DR. Sapok says: (The child's personal and elementary tranquility is always in need of firm relationship with the parents and both of them (i.e. the parents) need to come together in confronting lives responsibility 3.

It is incumbent on the husband and wife for perpetual cordiality in their relations in all stages. I.e. stages before the child birth and the preceding stages. Allah has made cordiality compulsory and perpetual cordiality will be a result to observing His call and nearness to Him.

Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein (peace be upon him) has recommended that and said: "Your Right as herdsman for what you have possess through marriage are: - to know that Allah has made her your dwelling, places of relaxation, intimacy and protector like this it is compulsory for the both of you to praise Allah for His companionship and knows that, that is a benefaction from Him on you.

It is incumbent to make good friendship with this benefaction of Allah, respect her and be kind with her even though your Right over her is heavier. Your obedience over her is compulsory on what you like and what you dislike which is not sin. Verily she owned the Right of blessing, intimacy, place of relaxation and compliance to your delectation that there is no doubt of it, though that is the most great out of all...." 4

Verily the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has focus on perpetual relations, love and intimacy in the family. Their advices directed to every men and women.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The best among you is he who does well to his wife and I am better than you in doing goods to my wife" 5.

Imam Jaafar Ibn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "May Allah bless a servant that does well between himself and his wife" 6

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Whoever takes a wife should honor her" 7.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Jabra'il (peace be upon him) warned me about women until I deem it is not necessary to divorce her except in case of a clear Adultery" 8.

The sayings of the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) and their advices in doing goods to women and honoring them is one of the factors that assist the continuation of cordiality, blessing and love.

Already the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has advice women that will lead to her perpetual cordiality, love and blessing if she adhere to it.

Among it is obedience to her husband.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants)said : "If a woman prays five times daily, fast in its month, guides her private part and obeyed her husband, she will enters the Paradise from any door she wishes"

The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "There is no benefit a man enjoys after Islam than a Muslim wife, he feels happy when glance at her, she obeyed him when he commands her, she guides herself and her husband's properties when he is absent from her" 9.

The prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) encouraged women to adopt a good method that will lead to her perpetual cordiality and blessing by inducing the husband's heart and his emotion.

(A man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and said: I had a wife, she received me when I enter, she escorted me when I go out, if she saw me in an anxiety she said to me what worried you? If you worried of your provision, verily other than you will take care of it, if you worried about your hereafter, may Allah increases your worries, then the prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "gives her a glad tiding of entering Paradise and said to her: verily you are one of the Allah's employee and she has rewards of seventy Martyrs to you". In another Narration, Allah the Great and Almighty has employed and she is among the employee of Allah and she has half rewards of a martyr) 10.

Imam Mohammad Ibn Ali Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "Women struggles are to possess a good husband" 11.

Among the factors that assist in preserving cordiality, likeness and acquiring love of the husband are to be broadmindedness to him and grant all that he wanted.

Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "The best among your women is she who takes off all her shyness when alone with her husband and wear the shyness when she wears her dress" 12.

She opened to her husband with extent of his abdomen, in other words she equilibrate between respects and unburdened.

Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein (peace be upon him) confine the factors that deepened the cordiality and love inside the family and said: "There is no sufficiency for a husband in three things that between him and his wife, they are: - to succeed in attracting her consent, love and her mind, his good conduct with her, his effort to draw her mind with good looking before her sight and his being open handed to her.

And there is no sufficiency for a wife to be successful in three things that is between her and her husband, they are: - to preserve herself from all squalor which will make him leaving trust and rest of mind in her in terms of affectionate and adversity, his reservation so that it will be affectionate on her to be with her in stumble and show him love with fascination and to beautifies herself before him" 13.

The cordial relations, blessing and love are necessary in all stages of life especially in pregnancy and breast feeding stages because wife is in need of tranquility and emotional constancy, all that have effect on the embryo and the child in the stage of breast feeding as it will come later in our subsequent discussion.

Islamic system has stipulated Rights and Obligations for the spouses and observing it has a surety of spreading constancy and tranquility in the family's atmosphere. Then the restriction from both spouses with stipulated Rights and obligations will contributes to the deepening their periods, strengthening their peaceful relationship and refutes all kinds of probable tensions and enmity which have negative impacts on the role of the equilibral emotional feelings of the child.

Guardianship is the most important Right of the male spouse, Allah the most High said: {Men are in charge of women, because Allah has made some of them to excel others, and because they spend out of their property (for the support of women).} 14.

Then it is compulsory to the wife to observe this Right because family will not move without guardianship. Men's guardianship is the appropriate for the natural differences in body and emotional feelings of both spouses. She needs to observe this guardianship in her dealings with the children and to made them feel the position of their father.

The next important Right after guardianship is the assertion in the sayings of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) while answering question of a woman that asked about the Right of husband over the women and he (peace be upon him and his descendants) said : "to obeyed him and not to disobeyed him, don't be on voluntary fasting without his consent, don't prevent him of herself even though she is at the back of camel and don't go out of his house except his permission" 15.

Among the right of the male spouse the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said:" Right of the male spouse on the women is to switch on the lamp, to prepare the meals, to welcome and receive him at the door of her house, to provide him with wash basin and handkerchief, to purify him and not to prevent him of herself except any reason" 16

For the important of observing this Right the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Women has not fulfill the Right of Allah until she has fulfill the Right of her husband" 17.

Islamic system has also laid down the Right of the wife that is compulsory to the husband to observe.

On authority of Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) why answering the question of Ishaq bn Ammar regards the Right of women on her husband, he (peace be upon him) said: "He should satisfies her stomach, to shroud her dead body and forgives her ignorance" 18

The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) answered a question asked by khulat bint Al Aswad regards the Rights of women, he (peace be upon him and his descendant) said: "to feed you with what he eats is your Right on him, to clothes you with what he wears with, not to slap you and not to shout on you" 19.

Among her right is for the husband to honor her and his good companionship with her. The Commander of the Faithful (peace be upon him) in his Will to Mohammad bn Hanafiyah said: "Verily women is a sweet basin, she is not a house keeper, then revolve her in all condition, and make good companionship with her to purify your livings" 20.

Among the Right of the wife and the rest members of the families is to satisfy their material needs. The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said:

"Who struggles for his families, is like those that fight the holy war (Jihad) for the sake of Allah" 21.

He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Woe on to those that forfeit his families" 22.

He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said : "The women's Right on her husband is to obstruct her hunger, to cover her nakedness and not to distort her presence, by Allah if the husband does that he has observed her Right" 23.

Compliance to the Right of the male spouse by the wife and that of the female spouse by the husband is compulsory as it leads to constancy of the family's atmosphere, the positive reaction will made the both spouses to work towards the bless of the family and that of the children. Constancy of the women during pregnancy stage, breast feeding and the early infancy has effect on the baby's constancy and his tranquility. Moving towards the light of that premeditated from advices, guidance and orientation will originate personal independence in the child in terms of his thought, emotional feelings and his ways of life.

The problems and differences in the family will create tense and constricted atmosphere, threatening the family's constancy and firmness. It may even in most cases leads to splitting and destroying the marital relation of the family which will be the cause of anxiety to the whole members of the family especially the children where as the differences and the constricted situation between the parents will lead to the draw back of the child stability and emotional in-balance in all the stages of his life commencing from the early stage of his pregnancy, his infancy and other preceding stages.

The intense atmosphere leave its impact on the child's future personality (verily the behaviorism unrest and psychological ailments that affected the child in his early stage and his future old age is a result of wrong dealing of the parents like material friction which create tense in family's atmosphere that do seize the child's psychological safety) 24

Scholar Jirard Fujan says: (The mother in the house who did not possess enough discretion as a human being, mother and wife will not be able to induce the feelings of security) 25.

Feeling secured and constancy are the most important factors for the child's personality and his prudent building but in a condition where there is a continuous differences and tense this feeling seize to exist while the child will be in a state of dilemma and perplex ion, in this type of situation,

he don't know what to do, he is not able to stop the conflict and the controversy especially if it is accompanied with violence, he can't take stand with one of the parent nor the other. In addition in order to take the child near to every one of them, they will try to establish their Right by accusing the opposite side for initiating the problems and the differences, all this leaves a dark point in the mind, brain and in the wishes of the child.

DR. Sapok says: (Verily the psychological clinics witness thousand of situation from the children that were brought up from the midst of the family that are full of severe differences, those children feel differ from other human beings at their old age and lost trust from their soul. They fear of establishing sound emotional relations because he deem the meaning of formation of family was to create differences between each other in the house and exchange of humiliation) 26These types of differences and constrictions that do occur differ from one family to the other and ways of expressing constrict in the family.

It can be harsh, abusive and continuous humiliations and it may be beatings and physical punishment. The child at his own side will pick up all these practices that occurred as a result of the differences in the family and reflect in his present and future ways of life. That is why we see some child humiliating or even beating their mothers or applies the same method with his wife at his old age.

In order to protect this constrictions and differences between the two spouses or to reduces its psychological and emotional effects or to curtail and put an end to it, Islam has laid down a perfect method to remove the differences and constrictions. It has passed in the previous point which was emphasizing deepen of cordiality and blessing with in the family and had laid down programs for the Rights and obligations between the two spouses.

The most important of such program will free the method of selecting ones spouse as it will soon comes. The Islamic method is depends on the ways of urging and encouraging precaution against the occurrence of difference or tackling its beginning or solving it after it has occurred, a method to restrain and censured those practicing controversy or things that leads to it.

The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "the best men among my nation are those who did not attack their families nor be unjust with them and sympathize with them" 27.

Imam Mohammad Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) has encourage endurance of offence because retaliating offence with offence widening the circle of controversies and constrictions.

He (peace be upon him) also said: "Allah will free him from hell fire and make incumbent for him to enter paradise who ever endure an offence from his wife" 28.

And the prophet (peace be upon him and his decedents) has encourage men to be patient for the bad conduct of his wife, he then said: "Allah will reward who ever for bear the bad conduct of his wife like that of the reward of Prophet Ayub (peace be upon him) in his affliction" 29.

If not that the Prophet (peace upon him and his descendant) has recommended us to be patient from the wife's misconduct it couldn't has been usual.

Then it becomes dearest and desirable from the side of a religious male spouse to be patient with contentedness and satisfaction through that will not amount to humiliation of his dignity. Emulating the Prophet's (peace be upon him and his descendants) ways of dealing with his wives will reduce many constricts like wise by emulating the conduct of Ahlulbait (peace be upon them).

Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him): "my father (peace be upon him) had a wife did hurts him but he did forgives her" 30.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) forbid using violence with the wife, he said : "Any man that slap his wife, Allah will command the Angel of the Hell fire to slap his face seventy times in the Hell fire" 31.

And Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) has encouraged mutual understanding in order to abstain from intense controversies, he then said: "The best among your women is she who said to her husband if she is annoying or was annoyed, my hand is your hand, I will not use an eyeliner on the twinkle of my eye until you are pleased with me" 32.

On the authority of Imam Mohammad Al-Baqir (peace be upon him): "And women's struggle is to endure from what she envisage from the husband regards hurt ness and jealousy" 33.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has forbidden wife from attitudes that will lead to encourage of controversies, he (peace be upon him and his descendants) said : "The most wicked among your women is she who is subservient to her family and feel nobility before her husband, spiteful barren, who did not fear evil, adorning in absents of her husband, descent in the presence of her husband, she don't hear her husband's sayings and don't obey his ommandment, she seriously rejected her Husband in their privacy from mounting on her, she doesn't accept his excuses nor forgives his short comings" 34.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has also forbid women from charging her husband more than his ability, he in this respect said : "Any women enters with her husband about her expenditures and demands more than his ability, Allah will not accept her spending and justice except she returns and demands base on his ability" 35.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) also forbids women from reminding her favors on the husband, he (peace be upon him and his descendants) said : "If a woman went to her spouse with the whole Gold and Silver on the Earth and one day beat her husband's head and said to him, who are you? The wealth is mine, Allah will destroy all her good deeds even though she is the most subservient among the people except she repents and returns to seek pardon from her husband" 36

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has cautioned the women from confronting her husband with bitter word in order to affect his nerves. He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said : "Allah will not accept the spending, justice and good deeds of any woman that hurt her husband with her tongue until she pleased him" 37.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has forbidden abandonment as it is considered to be introduction to splitting and separation of relations. He (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "She is an oppressor who abandoned her husband and she will be resurrected from the bottom of Hell fire with Fir'aun, Haamaan and Qaarun except she repent and return" 38.

If all these recommendations are completely observed it is enough to quench all sorts of tenses and constrictions and if the two spouses were not able to observe those recommendations their differences should far away from the ears of the children like wise the exchange of negative views, humiliation and accusation also should far away from their hearings. They should made the children to understand that controversies are natural events, that they like each other while both spouses should try to put and end to their controversies in their earliest convenient time.

Islam has cautioned from divorce and putting an end to marital relations because of the negative effects that leaves on the two spouses, the children and the society. Divorce is the fountain head of anxiety, psychopath, illness in emotion and conduct of the children where as the child is in needs of equal love and kindness from the both parents.

Even by just pondering over divorce it originates unrest and anxiety inside him and remains in continuous fears and troubles that negatively reflect in his emotional and personal stability. Verily Islam has laid down methods of relations and its continuation because of the obstacles preventing reaching the decision which do destroy families and prevents marital relationships, and caution from divorce in different places. The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Jibra'il (peace be upon him) warns me of women until I deem it not necessary to divorce them except in a clear atrocity" 39.

Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "There is nothing that Allah has made lawful but dislike except divorce; Allah hates those that derive pleasure from quick divorce" 40.

He (peace be upon him) said: "Verily Allah the Great and Almighty loves the house having two spouses and dislikes the house having divorce and there is nothing more hateful to Allah other than divorce" 41.

Islam has urged us to take and arrange objectivity to prevent the occurrence of divorce and call for strengthening the love and cordial relations and it also call for resolving the problems and controversies that do lead to divorce and ordered for peace loving.

Allah the most High said: {.... But consort with them in kindness, for if ye hate them it may happen that ye hate a thing where in Allah has place much good} 42.

And urge reconciliation and restoration of the family ties, Allah the most High said: {If a woman fearth ill treatment from her husband, or desertion, it is no sin for them twain if they make terms of peace between themselves and peace is better} 43.

Then reconciliations are better than non reconciliation, for the fact that minds and feelings differs from one time to the other. Islam has verily urge for reconciliation and negotiation before taking decision for separation. Almighty Allah said: {And if ye fear a breach between them twain (the man and wife) appoint an arbiter from his folk and an arbiter from her folk. if they don't desire amendment Allah will make them of one mind. Lo! Allah is ever Knower, Aware} 44.

If all trial for reconciliation and restoration of the relation to its normality is not beneficial and if the tenses and constrictions did not need any thing other than divorce then possible divorce is a bliss for the both spouses but it will have psychological effects on the child and it will reflect in to his mode of life, that is why Islam granted another ample chance for restoring the marital life once again. Islam gives the Right of the restoration to the male spouse with the waiting period (Iddah) for the women after the taking place of divorce without new contract (Aqd) and after the said waiting period (Iddah) for the women but with new contract (Aqd).

It has also given the Right of restoration to man after the first and the second divorces if there is actual separation after all the unsuccessful trial to restore the marital relationships, and then it is incumbent on the parents to observe the feelings of the child and grant him love and sympathy.

It is also incumbent on them to provide the atmosphere that will assist the child regards his faith and safety of his parent's conducts. Henceforth Islam has forbade slandering, backbiting and unveiling ones short-comings, with these, the child will be able to endure the shock that arise from the divorce.

But if all these styles are not observe while both parents always try to unveil the short-coming of each other before the child, the child will hate the life and despise himself and it will reflect in his emotional feelings towards his both parents. He will love them but at same time will hate them for knowing the parent's short-comings. He then remain living in a continuous unrest and anxiety, his grief will increase one day after the other and negatively reflect in his societal and his future family relationships.

Islam wants us to have providence with the child and to protect their psychological and physical soundness before their birth. This is by preparing domain for his movement and to arrange the necessary factors which will protect the child from psychological and physical weakness commencing from the selection of the husband or the wife and the circumstances surrounding the early stages of the child, that is the womb of his mother which played a great and effective role on the child's future and life movement. The features of this stage are pinpointed as below :

It has been socially and scientifically established in its detailed research the inherited and societal effect in the composition and development of the child. Those inherited reflections may be physically or psychologically. 45

Most of the attributes are transferred to the children through the father, mother or their grand fathers like intelligence, unrest conduct, schizo phrenia, mental disorder, personal discipline, flexibility and leniency. This become means that assist in transferring this attributes to the children or the children will possess readiness to adopt them. This is in addition to the customs and the imitation of the children base on repetition of actions. 46

From this point of view Islam has emphasized on the selection of spouse, that is selection of the spouses from righteous family and from good environment.

1- SELECTING WIFE

From the teaching of Islam, it has considered selecting wife from two aspects: the heredity she descend from and the society where she lives and its reflection on her ways of life and conduct. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Choose for your semen because the maternal uncle is one of the spouses" 47.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Choose for your semen because the vein is a schemer" 48.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) does emphasize on selection of wife from the family that possess noble attributes of the hereditary effect it plays in the composition of the wife and that of her progeny. He (peace be upon him and his descendants) chooses Khadijah (peace be upon her) that delivered Fatima (peace be upon her) the best of the women. The Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) also followed this conduct by choosing their wives from descent families and making selections base on hereditary.

Islam laid emphasis on selecting wife from sound society and environment where she achieves good and sound conduct. It cautioned from unsound environment she is living. It also cautioned from marrying a beautiful ladies that was brought up from the fountain of evil. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Be aware of dung hill under the green grass ..... A beauty Women are fountain head of all evils" 49.

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) also cautioned about prostitute and said: "Don't get married with a woman known to be prostitute" 50.

Because she will creates the preparedness for such a bad action in her children.

Imam Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) warned from getting married with a mad woman fearing of transferring the attributes to the child, he was asked of that, he (peace be upon him) said: "No but if he possess a mad slave girl he can have sexual relation with her and should not seek from her child" 51.

Imam Ali (peace be upon him) has also warned from getting married with a foolish woman because the attribute will transfer to the child and also did not attain the ability to give a sound training to the child: "Be aware of getting married to a foolish because her companionship is affliction and her children are lost" 52.

Tradition has made emphasis that religious person should be the criterion for choosing a spouse and the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) do encourage that. A man came to the to him requesting for marriage, he (Peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Be aware of a religious woman, she will make your hand full" 53.

Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) gives precedence to religious before wealth and beauty and said: "If a man marries because of her wealth and beauty, he will deputize to that but if he marries because of her being religious, Allah will provide him with beauty and wealth" 54.

The woman that descend from sound family and lineage and was accompanied with religiousness has preceded in stages of education and her training to the children will be in line with the laid down Islamic laws for that respect and the recognized method will be generally accepted by the two spouses without contradiction nor opposition. The wife will be desirous to succeed in training processes and considered it an Islamic obligation before every thing. This obligation will made her shun any negative practices that will have effect on the children's emotional and psychological growth.

2- SELECTING HUSBAND

For the development and preparation of the children spiritually and psychologically the father has a great role to play that is why in the early stage, Islam laid emphasis on the selecting husband for laid down Islamic criterion to observe the hereditary and atmosphere that surround his brought up, his good and noble attributes because he is the model that the children follows; as his attributes and ethics reflected on them. In addition through the continuous living with the wife (the mother) also acquired some of his ethics and attributes.

The Prophet (Peace be upon him and his descendants) laid emphasis on choosing a competent husband and describe him with his saying (peace be upon him and his descendants) "Competency is to be modest and to has opportunity" 55.

Competency is the one that descend from sound lineage, religious and elevated ethics.

Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) has cautioned from getting marriage with a man having psychological sickness and said: "Don't married them but married on doubt lady because women takes from her moral, religion and personality" 56.

In choosing husband Islam put religiousness as the criterion. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Marry he that comes to you if you are pleased with his ethics and religion" 57.

It is clear that Islam prohibited getting Marriage to none Muslim in order to protect the integrity of the children and the family in all aspect like the ideology, conduct, spiritual and psychology for their effect on the wife and the children through their emulating the husband and his mode of life.

Islam has also forbids getting married to unreligious person and those whose conduct has perverted from Islamic system in order to save guard the family and the children from behavioral and psychological perversion.

Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) has forbid getting marriage with a known fornicator. He (peace be upon him) said: "Don't marry a woman known to be fornicator and don't marry a man known to be fornicator expect you are aware of repentance from them" 58.

Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) has also cautioned from getting marriage to an alcohol drinker. He (peace be upon him) said: "Whoever gave marriage of his daughter to an alcohol drinker has cut her kinship" 59.

Perverted person negatively affect the soundness of the children's conduct for the reflection of his conduct on them and his unwillingness to train them.

This is in addition to the problem he created on the wife which prevail the spread of unrest and psychological anxiety in the family's atmosphere and has made the family's life distant from tranquility, calmness and constancy that the children need for their physical and spiritual growth.

Verily the mode of life of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) stood on the basis of choosing well qualified person for their sons and daughters. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) did not give Fatima's marriage (peace be upon her) to his great companions when they seek his hand but he gave them answer that he is waiting for Allah's decision. He later gave her marriage to Ali bn Abitalib (peace be upon him) with the commandment of Allah the most High.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) encourages a Muslim woman by name Zulfa'i known to be related to the family of Areeqah and was very beautiful to get married to Jubair a Muslim who did not possess wealth or handsomeness except religion.

3- THE RELATION BEFORE PREGNANCY AND THE COMPOSITION OF THE CHILD

After the process of selecting husband on basis of the noble Islamic criterions it commence gradually step by step with the child, in every step it has laid down a real foundation and laws for the child's composition and sound upbringing and the two spouses has nothing to do rather than to comply with the light of the laid down foundations and laws.

The Perfect and Majesty said : {And one of His signs is that He created for you mates from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He put between you love and mercy} 60.

It made love, cordiality, change of noble compassion and sharp feelings as the relationship between the two spouses. In other for the continuity of this relationship Islam has call for fastening the two spouses with the measures which has been stipulated by the divine method in life.

The wedding eve is the first step for the relation and connection of the husband and wife. Then Islam ordered us to comply with these divine measures so that the relation will not be like that of animalistic one. Observing two unit recommended prayer by the two spouses is the first of this measure followed by praise, commendation of Allah and prayer for the holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and his house hold (peace be upon them) then seeks prayer for continuity of love and cordiality between them: (O' Allah provide me with her intimacy, cordiality and her pleasure with me, join us together with the best union, ease our harmony, verily you like lawful things and dislike unlawful things) 61.

Complying with that create tranquility, constancy and calmness in the first step of meeting and there will be no chance for the wife to fill unrest and anxiety hence the wedding eve is entertain able with love and cordiality.

At the stage of sexual relation this prayer continues and it recommended to say:(O' Allah provide me with a male child and make pious and intelligence with out addition or subtraction and make his ending a better one ).The best recommended prayer in the first sexual relation is (In the name of Allah the beneficent the merciful) 62.

1- COAGULATION OF THE FOETUS

For the physical and psychological safety of the embryo Islam has laid dawn an easy program without hardship and difficulty.

The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has requested to prohibiting women from taking the followings in first week of her pregnancy, they are:-milk, vinegar, coriander and bitter apple because the effect of these substances make her delaying delivery and make her labor very difficult, It also causes her some sickness 63 which has effected on the pregnancy and the baby.

like wise the prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlul Bait (peace be upon them) has prohibited from having sexual relation in specified period though this caution has not reach the stage of prohibition but it is offensive as it reflect negatively on the embryo psychological and health wise. Those periods are as followings:-

Between the rising of the fajr (Dawn) and sun rise, between the sun set and the aurora time, immediately after-noon (zuhr), Beginning and middle of the month, during the solar and lunar Eclipse, when red or black or yellow wind are blowing and when earth quake is happening.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has encouraged relation at other time after the aforementioned ones. There are other period which has effect on the child's emotional feelings especially during a fearful time as it will cause the child to be indecisive, unrest and fearful and other period which may cause madness,

leprosy and foolishness to the child. 64

There are other advices that have connection with sexual relationship.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "don't converse while having sexual inter-course because if child is granted during that time he is not free to become dumb and none of you should look at his wife's vulva, he should close his eye as looking at the wife's private part during sexual inter-course may cause blindness to the child" 65.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said : "It is offensive to have sexual-intercourse with ones wife after having a wet dream until he takes bath from his wet dream, if he does that and the child becomes mad then he should not blame anybody other than himself" 66.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Don't have sexual inter-course with your wife in standing position because that is the action of an ass, if child is granted during that time he will be urinating on the bed" 67.

the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Don't have sexual inter-course with your wife with the desire derived from other than her, I fear if child is granted during that time will become a bisexual or a girl or will become mentally deranged" 68.

It was understood from this narration that one should not imagine another woman while having sexual inter-course with his wife.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "If your wife is pregnant don't have sexual inter-course with her except you are on Ablution because not observing that the child will be heartless and a miser" 69.

At all time Islam has encourage (Zikr), remembrance of Allah before the sexual inter-course and mentioning (Bismillah) in the name of Allah during the sexual inter-course, this is in addition to the uses of a deeper means for the joint of love, cordiality and the holy bond like embracing, kissing, soft speeches and pleasing her. 70

2- THE FIRST ENVIRONMENT FOR THE CHILD

The mother's womb is the first environment from which one originates, so this environment has positive and negative effect on the child because where the child moves about and the fetus is considered part of the mother all the circumstances of the mother are living reflected on the child. It has been established through scientifically research the efficiency of the mother on the embryo's physical and psychological growth. Then the troubles, anxiety, suppression, fears and so on leave its effect on the baby's emotional feelings 71.

The embryo is affected by the mother's psychological attributes and all that is positively occurred to the mother during the period of pregnancy. Verily (the nervous problems of the mother gives a severe blows to the gifted embryo before he was born, to extend it will change to nervous existence. From this point of view it is necessary to have inter-connection with the mother by giving importance to the pregnancy in order to distance her from misguiding thought, grief, anxiety and to maintain calm and constancy atmosphere) 72

The pregnancy period has its positive or negative effect on the emotional stability of the child 73. That is why Islam has laid emphasis to this reality before it was discovered by this day's psychologist. The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The unblessed is one of the wretched in his mother's womb and the blessed is one of the fortunate in his mother's womb" 74.

The meaning of the wretchedness and fortunate are the reflections that occur to the embryo regards the healthy, physical and psychological condition of the mother, then the baby has the preparedness to be wretched or fortunate. Some of the physical sickness has effect on the embryo and may be born affected with some of it which will accompanied him till his old age and that will be the cause of his wretchedness or may be saved from those sickness and will be accompanied with good health, like wise the situation in terms of his psychological and emotional condition.

The anxiety or tranquility, the unrest or constancy, the fear or rest of mind and other attributes has effect on the embryo and accompanied him if he is not in the midst of a good society to save guides him from the previous effects or the society that will distanced him from having physical and psychological safety.

The followings are the precautionary measures Islam has taken to distance embryo from negative physical and psychological growth.

A- CARES FOR THE MOTHER'S FEEDING

From the established reality is that the physical soundness of the embryo depends on the mother's physical soundness.

Feeding is among the factors that contribute to the sound health of the mother. We can observe the clear effect of starvation on babies in some countries. The physical weakness and sickness, the deformations in creation are all caused by starvation and mal-nutrition. Verily the opposition is correct.

That is why the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has cautioned to take care of the feeding of a pregnant woman especially the foods that have effect on the spiritual and psychological attributes of the embryo.

QUINCE (SAFARJAL)

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Eat quince (safarjal) as it brightening the eyes and create cordiality in the mind and feed your pregnant woman with it because it makes your son handsome" 75.

MILK

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Feed your pregnant woman milk because it increases the child's intelligence" 76.

Imam Ali Ibn Musa Ar-Ridah (peace be upon him) said: "Feed your pregnant woman milk, if there is a baby in her womb, he will comes out brilliantly, scholarly and courageously. If she is a baby girl, she will be beauty, possess good conduct, big buttock and honored by her husband" 77.

DATES

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Feed your women dates in her last month to delivery, verily her child will be tolerant and pure" 78.

The Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has laid down a complete time table for the types of food that are beneficial for the physical soundness as it was stated in the chapters of foods and drinking in Al-kafi and Makarimul Akh'laq. Like pomegranate, fig, grapes, dried grapes, herbaceous, chard and other fruits and again meat, mash and vegetables.

This is in addition to the prohibition of some foods that are physical and psychologically harmful like dead meat, blood, pig meat, wine and all others that are mentioned in the Qur'an and traditions of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) regards prohibited foods and drinks.

B- CARE FOR THE PSYCHOLOGICAL SOUNDNESS OF THE PREGNANT WOMAN

Imam Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "Having spacious house is part of happiness" 79.

He (peace be upon him) said: "A believer has convenience in a spacious house" 80.

Possessing a spacious house is among the established fact that contributes to human being's happiness and Islam has duly encourage that. If one is in the midst of Islamic community that adopted Islamic system of life, the societal guarantee will satisfy this need and other ones.

In a situation where one can not afford to buy or rent a spacious house, he is to plead the wife to work hard and struggle in order to achieve that and give her hope on that or encourage her to be patient for what Allah has provided for their poverty in terms of goods and rewards.

Verily this will give her tranquility and rest of mind even if the house is tight.

PROVIDING ALL THE WOMAN'S NECESSITIES

On the authority of Abdullah bn Ata, he said: I entered to Abu Jaafar (peace be upon him) and I saw bed stead, pillows, fashions and other things that accompanied it in his house, I said to him, what are all this? He (peace be upon him) said: "It is women properties" 81.

It is incumbent to provide all the necessities of the women in the house like pillows, cushions and colored wool furnishing. This is in addition to beautiful dresses and some other house equipments to give her rest of mind and happiness. It is incumbent to provides all these, base on the husband's ability but in a situation where he was not able to provide all these or some of it, he should satisfy her with what Allah the Most High has provided for her in the Paradise, this is in addition to creation of hope in her mind for better condition for the satisfaction of her needs.

GOOD DEALINGS WITH THE WOMEN

Good dealing with the women especially the pregnant ones will made her leave a happy life, full of relief, tranquility, spiritual and psychological constancy of which there is no chance for anxiety and psychological unrest to penetrate in her spirit and mind.

Imam Zainul Aabideen (peace be upon him) said: "Your right of guardianship from what you have possessed through marriage is to know that Allah has made her your residence, place of rest, intimacy and defendant. Also it is for every one of the two spouses to thank Allah for his companionship and to know that it is a blessing from Allah and to make good friendship, respect and leniency with this blessing of Allah because she possesses the Right of intimacy and place of rest, in her your delectation" 82.

Good dealings are to have good conduct, leniency and let her hear good words from you. Honor her and kept her in a suitable place, considered her a partnership in life and satisfies all her spiritual and material needs. Treat her like human beings as honored by Islam and allow happiness, smiling, cordiality and blessing to prevail in the house. Try to create happiness in her mind and safe guide her secrecy and others that Islamic teaching which it has laid emphasis on.

Among it is to assist her in some difficult domestic duties, be patient of her mistakes and short-comings which did not affect her Islamic ways of life. Make reconciliation in solving the daily problems in such a way that it will not annoyed her and distance from any thing that will psychologically affect her like unnecessary jealousy, frown of face before her, beating her or abandoning her or reducing some of her Rights 83.

If you treat her very well, her spiritual and psychological condition will be good and it will reflect on the embryo.

This is the immediate preceding stage after pregnancy stage. It is considered the first societal surrounding that surrounds the child, being the foundation for orienting the child physically, mentally and socially and it has decisive effects in formation of the passion and the emotional growth. That is why Islamic system centralizes a special care with the child of this stage to portray and execute the following duties:-

Firstly : Birth Day Cermonies

Birth day ceremonies is commence right from the first birth day till the seventh day in order to save-guide the child's health physically and psychologically.

Making the child to hear the name of Allah is the first duty of the parents.

From the authority of Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) he said : The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Whoever have a new born baby should call for prayer (Azan) in his right ear and call for beginning of prayer (Iqaamat) in his left ear, that protect him from the devil" 84.

For the importance of Azan and Iqamat in the child's ear, the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) has bequeath the commander of the faithful Ali bn Abitalib (peace be upon him) in many of his testaments: "O' Ali if a baby boy or girl is born to you, you should recite Azan in his right ear and Iqamat in the left ear, by so doing the devil will not be able to harm him for ever" 85.

Protection from the devil is the fortification on the child from deviating from his wish. These advices even though the present educationist and psychologist did not make any research on it but it is among the experienced and repeated established fact for those that implement it in their child's training and other advices in all the child stages.

It is recommended to name your child with good names and there is no any better name than Mohammad i.e. the name of the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants). From Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) : "A child is not born to us except we named him Mohammad, after seven days if we wish we change it or we leave it at our wish" 86.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) laid emphasis on this naming by saying: "He has verily turn away from me who have four baby boys without naming any one of them with my name" 87.

The Imams from the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) do urge the Muslims to named their baby boys and girls with the following names :-

(Abdurrahman and its type having 'Abdul, Mohammad, Ahmad, Al-hassan, Al-Hussein, Jaafar, Talib and Fatima) 88.

They did not encourage giving the following names :- (Al-Hakeem, Hakeem, Khalid, Malik and Haarith) 89.

The good names protect the child from mockery and ridicules from others, so that it doesn't cause him to feel deficiency especially in an ugly name.

Aqeeq i.e. slaughtering of a sheep to mark the occasion and barbing the hair of the baby as it came from the sayings of Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) is among the birth day ceremonies, he (peace be upon him) said: "Slaughter on his behalf, barb his hair the seventh day and gives Alms (sadaqah) of its equivalent in silver" 90.

The offering which is the substantial of Alms giving (Sadaqah) prevent the child from problems and save him from risks.

May be it has positive effect on the child by the time he grows up and understand how the parents show their concern during his birthday. It is a good remembrance for those that received the offering or part of it as (Sadaqah) Alms giving.

Circumcision is among the birthday ceremonies. Imam Jaafar Assadiq (peace be upon him) said : "Circumcised your children on the seventh day after birth as it is more pure and quicker for growth of flesh" 91.

SECONDLY: CONCENTRATION ON BREAST FEEDING

In the first month of the child's life, milk is the basic and only source the child feeds on, so the breast feeding is the best milk because breast feeding has its emotional effect on the child. The mother is in the best position to grant him sympathy and warmed emotion because of the mother's instinct inducement which Allah has given to the women, where as the child's feelings and sensation centered on the early days breast feeding 92.

Through breast feeding the bond of love between the child and the mother will be more firm, then the child's tense will be little and having rest of mind and blissful condition 93.

Narrations and advices came from the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) emphasizing the concentration on the mother's milk.

The commander of the faithful Ali bn Abitalib (peace be upon him) said: "There is no any milk having greater blessing in breast feeding the child other than that of his mother's own" 94.

Scientifically the best food for the baby is that of the mother's milk, in addition through breast feeding the child will feel secured, safe and protected. But in exceptional situations which affect the breast feeding like insufficient milk of the mother or her sickness or loosing her either by divorce or death, the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has laid emphasis on choosing a suitable and appropriate foster mother base on the specified attributes. The commander of the faithful (peace be upon him) said: "Observe her who gives breast feeding to your children because the child grows on it" 95.

The milk and the type of the foster mother have effect on the child in terms of his physical and psychological growth. Verily an experience has established the teachings of the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) in this aspect. There are some attributes while choosing the foster mother that has been approved by the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them).

Imam Mohammad Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "Breast feed your child with good milk and be aware of bad milk because milk transits" 96.

He (peace be upon him) said: "Be aware of pure wet nurse because milk transits" 97

Prohibition came from breast feeding child by some foster mother.

Imam Jaafar Assadiq (pea