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How your sex life will change as a dad-to-be

How your sex life will change as a dad-to-be

For some men, sex during pregnancy is an incredible turn-on — But for others, well, it's not even on their radar. Both are perfectly natural responses. Where you stand on the issue depends on a lot of factors, but one thing is pretty much guaranteed: When your partner is pregnant your sex life will change.

Baby-safe sex

Sex during pregnancy — what's that you may ask? But seriously, you probably won't have sex as often as you did before. Perhaps the most common reason men (and women) cut back on their sex life during pregnancy is a fear that they'll hurt the baby. If you're concerned about that, you can stop worrying right now. Your baby is safely cushioned in an amniotic fluid-filled sac and unless you're having very rough sex, you have almost no chance of injuring anyone.

The difference is in desire

Changes in desire are common for men and women during this time of major life change. In the first trimester your partner's pregnancy might make you hornier than ever. For many men, getting a woman pregnant is a kind of confirmation of their masculinity Before becoming expectant fathers, some men secretly fear that they're sterile, and getting a woman pregnant can make them feel like a fully functional man. In addition, a lot of dads-to-be feel closer to their wives than ever before, and that closeness is often expressed erotically.

For others, the first trimester (and, possibly, the entire pregnancy) is a time of decreased sexual desire. Before your partner got pregnant, she was the beautiful, sexy woman you loved, and her breasts and vagina were fun. But now that she's pregnant, you might find her body less fun and more functional. Even worse, when the pregnancy's over, you know she's going to be a mother. And mothers are not always seen as sexy.

As the pregnancy progresses, the differences between the wanna-have-sex's and the don't-wanna-have-sex's continue. Most men, for example, find their partner's growing body to be the essence of femininity and, therefore, quite attractive. Others don't. Their partner's growing abdomen and leaking breasts may seem more messy than enticing.

Your mate's ideas about sex during pregnancy can also run the gamut. She may feel more connected to you than ever, and may be much less inhibited now that you don't have to use birth control anymore. She may find the idea of having created a life with you to be wildly erotic and she may be delighted with her swelling, more curvy body.

On the other hand, she may be spending a lot of the first trimester vomiting from morning sickness — hardly an aphrodisiac. She may be thinking that mothers aren't supposed to have sex, she may be worried about hurting the baby, or she may just be feeling fat.

When it comes to sex, for many couples the expectant mother's changing body is the source of a lot of conflict, misunderstanding, and confusion. You may find the pregnant female form arousing but not want to do anything sexual because you're worried that she's feeling unattractive. On the other hand, she may be feeling sexier than ever but not want to initiate anything sexual because she's afraid that you won't be attracted to her anymore.

What you can do?

The solution here, not surprisingly, is to talk to each other about how you feel and about your desires and needs. You'll also need to think about expanding your sexual horizons — especially during the last few months of the pregnancy, when your partner may find the missionary position rather uncomfortable or even impossible. Mix it up a bit and try other positions that may be more comfortable for her such as rear entry, side-by-side, or with her on top.

If intercourse is proving to be more of a pain than a pleasure, there are other ways for you to both get sexual satisfaction. It may be the perfect time to re-explore manual sex. Think back to the time when you did "everything but" have intercourse. It was exciting then, and it can be just as fun now. Mutual masturbation, oral sex, or vibrators can be just as much fun as intercourse.

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