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Family Life

Cordial Relations

Among the incumbent duties of the parents is to establish cordiality, stability and tranquility in the family.

The most High said: {and one of His signs is that: He created mates for you from yourselves that you might find rest in them and He ordained between you love and mercy.....} 2

Relation between husband and wife is cordial and kind relation. This relation pacifies the soul, calm the nerves, tranquil to the soul and comfort to the body.

Cordiality is the bonds that holds the family together and strengthen its formation and its continuity as one entity. Cordiality and blessing leads to exchange of respect and real assistance in solving difficulties and problems that occurs to the family. Cordiality is necessary in order to equilibrate the emotional feelings in the child. DR. Sapok says: (The child's personal and elementary tranquility is always in need of firm relationship with the parents and both of them (i.e. the parents) need to come together in confronting lives responsibility 3.

It is incumbent on the husband and wife for perpetual cordiality in their relations in all stages. I.e. stages before the child birth and the preceding stages. Allah has made cordiality compulsory and perpetual cordiality will be a result to observing His call and nearness to Him.

Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein (peace be upon him) has recommended that and said: "Your Right as herdsman for what you have possess through marriage are: - to know that Allah has made her your dwelling, places of relaxation, intimacy and protector like this it is compulsory for the both of you to praise Allah for His companionship and knows that, that is a benefaction from Him on you.

It is incumbent to make good friendship with this benefaction of Allah, respect her and be kind with her even though your Right over her is heavier. Your obedience over her is compulsory on what you like and what you dislike which is not sin. Verily she owned the Right of blessing, intimacy, place of relaxation and compliance to your delectation that there is no doubt of it, though that is the most great out of all...." 4

Verily the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has focus on perpetual relations, love and intimacy in the family. Their advices directed to every men and women.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "The best among you is he who does well to his wife and I am better than you in doing goods to my wife" 5.

Imam Jaafar Ibn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "May Allah bless a servant that does well between himself and his wife" 6

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Whoever takes a wife should honor her" 7.

The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "Jabra'il (peace be upon him) warned me about women until I deem it is not necessary to divorce her except in case of a clear Adultery" 8.

The sayings of the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) and their advices in doing goods to women and honoring them is one of the factors that assist the continuation of cordiality, blessing and love.

Already the Ahlulbait (peace be upon them) has advice women that will lead to her perpetual cordiality, love and blessing if she adhere to it.

Among it is obedience to her husband.

The Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants)said : "If a woman prays five times daily, fast in its month, guides her private part and obeyed her husband, she will enters the Paradise from any door she wishes"

The holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "There is no benefit a man enjoys after Islam than a Muslim wife, he feels happy when glance at her, she obeyed him when he commands her, she guides herself and her husband's properties when he is absent from her" 9.

The prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) encouraged women to adopt a good method that will lead to her perpetual cordiality and blessing by inducing the husband's heart and his emotion.

(A man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) and said: I had a wife, she received me when I enter, she escorted me when I go out, if she saw me in an anxiety she said to me what worried you? If you worried of your provision, verily other than you will take care of it, if you worried about your hereafter, may Allah increases your worries, then the prophet (peace be upon him and his descendants) said: "gives her a glad tiding of entering Paradise and said to her: verily you are one of the Allah's employee and she has rewards of seventy Martyrs to you". In another Narration, Allah the Great and Almighty has employed and she is among the employee of Allah and she has half rewards of a martyr) 10.

Imam Mohammad Ibn Ali Al-Baqir (peace be upon him) said: "Women struggles are to possess a good husband" 11.

Among the factors that assist in preserving cordiality, likeness and acquiring love of the husband are to be broadmindedness to him and grant all that he wanted.

Imam Jaafar bn Mohammad Assadiq (peace be upon him) said: "The best among your women is she who takes off all her shyness when alone with her husband and wear the shyness when she wears her dress" 12.

She opened to her husband with extent of his abdomen, in other words she equilibrate between respects and unburdened.

Imam Ali bn Al-Hussein (peace be upon him) confine the factors that deepened the cordiality and love inside the family and said: "There is no sufficiency for a husband in three things that between him and his wife, they are: - to succeed in attracting her consent, love and her mind, his good conduct with her, his effort to draw her mind with good looking before her sight and his being open handed to her.

And there is no sufficiency for a wife to be successful in three things that is between her and her husband, they are: - to preserve herself from all squalor which will make him leaving trust and rest of mind in her in terms of affectionate and adversity, his reservation so that it will be affectionate on her to be with her in stumble and show him love with fascination and to beautifies herself before him" 13.

The cordial relations, blessing and love are necessary in all stages of life especially in pregnancy and breast feeding stages because wife is in need of tranquility and emotional constancy, all that have effect on the embryo and the child in the stage of breast feeding as it will come later in our subsequent discussion.

Notes:

2 - Quran 30:21

3 - Mashaakilil Abaa fi ttarbiyatil Abnaa: 44 - by DR. Sapok - printed by Mu'asasatul Arabiyah li dirasah wanashri 3rd edition-1980 A.D.

4 - Tuhfal uqul by Harrani: 188 printed by maktabatul haidariyyah- Najaf 5th edition 1380 A.H.

5 - Manla yahdurhul faqeeh vol - 3: 281 - by suduq / 14th chapter- Right of women on husband.

6 - Manla yahdurhul faqeeh vol-3:281 by Suduq - printed by Daru saab- Beirut 1401 A.H.

7 - Mustadrakil wasaa'il vol - 1: 550 -by Nurri - printed by maktabatul Islamiyah Tehran 1383 A.H.

8 - Manla yahdurhul faqeeh, by Suduq-vol-3:278/1st ch: women's right on the husband

9 - Makarimul Akh'laq: 200 - by Tabrasi - printed by manshurati sh-shareefil murtada- Qom 2nd edition 1410 A.H.

10 - Makarimul Akh'laq: 200.

11 - Manla yahdurhul faqeeh vol-3:278/ 6 ch- Men's right on the wife.

12 - Al -kafi-vol; 5; 324/2 ch-Best women - Book of marriage - by Kulaini - printed by Darul-Ta'aruf- Beirut 3rd edition 1401A.H.

13 - Tuhfal Uquul: 239.

Adapted from the book: "The Child's Education in Islam" by: "Ismail Abdullah"