Rafed English

The Family Life Of Islam

The Family Life Of Islam


Author : Sayyid Saeed Akhtar Rizivi

1. IMPORTANCE OF A FAMILY CODE

A sensible and well-balanced family system is the very foundation of a happy life. Ineed, it is the root of an advancing civilization. Religion comes to take human beings nearer to Allah. Therefore, it must create an atmosphere conducive to that ideal; otherwise, it cannot achieve its goal.

No religion can be regarded as complete unless it has a well-defined code of family life which expressly shows the exact responsibility and role of each member of the family. The family is a closely-knit unit of human society; and this nearness creates eminent danger of friction and conflict unless every member is told in unambiguous terms what his duties and rights are.

If a religion shuts its eyes to the intricacies of family problems, its followers, sooner or later, will revolt against it, destroying all religious tenets in the wake of that rebellion.

The reason is simple; the prevalent environment and social system would not be in harmony with that religion; and the influence of unharmonious society would gradually push them further and further from that religion. Finally a time would come when the religion would have no more than a ceremonial function with little or no effect on life.

A good example would be Christianity which ignored the claims of human nature, extolling the idea of celibacy. Many zealous people tried to live up to that ideal, Monks and nuns shut themselves in monasteries. For a short period, this scheme worked well. Then the nature took its revenge;

the monks and abbots cultivated the idea that they were representatives of Christ, and the nuns were given the title of "brides of Christ." So with easy conscience they turned the monasteries into centres of sexual liberties.

Nature can be compared to a steel spring which when pressed down jumps back with equal force. When it took its revenge upon Christians, it turned the Christians societies into the most permissive, libertine and undisciplined ones the world had ever seen.

This happens when a religion does not conform with nature and when the leaders of religion think that it is quite enough to say `Love thy neighbour' without telling them how.

2. ISLAM AND THE FAMILY SYSTEM

Islam is the Final religion and has the most ideal shari `ah (revealed law). An unbiased observer cannot help admiring the equilibrium which it has achieved balancing the demands of body and spirit, providing guidance concerning life in this world as well as teachings concerning life in the hereafter.

It is the Leading Light which brightly illuminates every turning in the highway of human life. It is the Perfect shari `ah which did not leave any human need uncared for.

In so far as family-life goes, we see that Islam has unravelled every problem of the family system with such dexterity that one has to accept that it could not be solved in a better way.

One cannot but register astonishment at the attitude adopted by some Christians writers. They seem to be suffering from an inferiority complex when they compare the Islamic shari `ah with their religion which has no shari `ah at all. Therefore, they try to imply that, that perfection of shari `ah is a "drawback" or that the moral standard of Islamic teachings is not as high as that of Christianity.

In any family there are those persons without whom a family cannot be regarded as complete. A human being is born of a father and a mother; the parents look after the child and bring it up. This child in turn attains maturity and is joined to a spouse in the golden link of matrimony. Then this couple start their own family.

Thus we may say that the persons who form pillars of the family are father, mother, child, husband and wife. Some people need help in their domestic chores. Therefore, Islam has added the `servant' also in the list.

4. JOINT FAMILY AND SEPARATE FAMILY SYSTEMS

According to sociologists, there are two types of family systems in the world: "The Joint Family System" and "The Separate Family System".

that all members of a clan:- father, son, brother, sister, uncle, nephew etc., live together. The in come of the individual is not treated as his personal property, rather it belongs to the family and the expenses of all members are met by that `family income.'

Separate Family System: In this system everyone is responsible for his own immediate dependants. His income belongs to him and not to the family.

The Hindu family is a joint family while in Arabia the separate family system prevails. Perhaps it is for this reason that cousins are called 'bro thers' and `sisters' in India, while in Arabia they are just sons and daughters of the uncle or aunt. And, perhaps it was because of this system that Hindus regard cousins as falling within the prohibited degrees, that is, cousins may not marry each other in the Hindu religion. There is no such prohibition in Islam.

However, both these systems are very old, and each has its advantages and disadvantages.



The Joint Family System is a very good example of humanism, benevolence, mutual trust and co-operation.

Members of a family or clan are branches of the same root. It is only natural that they should remain united in their domestic management and family life. This `togetherness' is expected to create happiness and peace of mind.

Furthermore, this system ensures that those family members who, for any reason, are unable to earn their livelihood do not face destitution and poverty, and thus are spared disgrace and heartaches. This system acts like an Insurance company which accepts all responsibilities at the time of old age, unemployment and sickness, and the family members are saved from the troubling anxiety of tomorrow.

So much about its advantanges. Ironically, these very advantages give rise to its disadvantages. The ease of mind provided by this system some times can be misused by some unscrupulous people. If a member of the family is lazy, he finds it easy enough to live on the fruits of others' labour; he never realizes the importance of earning his own livelihood. Once he acquires such taste, he will find many excuses to avoid work. After all, why should he exert himself when there are other relatives ready to take his burden on their shoulders?

Unless one is made to realize that one cannot exploit others in this way, one will not make real effort to earn his bread. Neither will he fell ashamed of his useless life.

Furthermore, this system kills the initiative to work harder. If a man exerts himself to the furthest limit and thus earns more, his standard of living, naturally, would be much higher than a person earning less. If a man earns twice as much as his brother, common sense says that their standards of living must be different accordingly. But the Joint Family System does not allow it. And the drive to exert onself more, and to earn more, dies.

The most serious defect of this system is that, instead of creating harmony, love and trust in the family (as it is supposed to do), it becomes the chief cause of domestic strife. When a man works hard to meet the expenses of the Joint Family while his brother spends his time in roaming the streets aimlessly;

or when he exerts himself to earn as much money as possible, while the brother throws away his chances of advancement, the resulting ugliness in the family relations is beyond description. Family members begin hating each other, tempers flare on the slightest pretext; suspicion, anger and hatred fill the place of trust, love and happiness. The atmosphere of the house gradually turns into a living hell and then comes a time when separation remains the only remedy.



The Separate Family System does not suffer from the disadvantages mentioned above of Joint Family System, nor does it have its advantages.

To remain aloof from one's own relatives is likely to kill the finest of human instincts. This system may breed selfishness and meanness. Those who look upon mankind as if raised on a high pedestal feel that the whole of mankind is akin to the limbs of one body - humanity; but the Separate Family System turns brothers into strangers, who may meet several times a day but do not care for one another.

5.THE WISE SYSTEM OF ISLAMIC SOCIETY

Now, let us look at the wise system of Islam. Here we find that Islam has laid down a straightforward highway with such skill that a man walk ing on it may enjoy the sweet smell of both these systems, and still not be beset by the thorny problems of either. How?

Islam removed the basic cause of lethargy by decreeing that everyone is responsible for the expenses of his own dependants: he has no right to put the burden of his children, for example, on the shoulders of other relatives. Thus, the evil effects of the Joint Family System were avoided; at the same time, everyone was emphatically enjoined to "keep the bond of relationship intact." This prevented the tendency to selfishness and aloofness from one's own flesh and blood.

6. DEPENDANTS

In principle, the dependants (whose responsibility MUST be borne in any case) was limited:

al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.)* said: The ways to spend (one's) wealth are twentyfour in all ... Thus, the five ways in which spending money is obligatory (wajib) are the expenses of the maintenance of his dependants, of his children, his father and mother, his wife and his slave. These are obligatory upon him whether he be hard-up or affluent.

But if he is affluent and well-to-do, then he has been emphatically enjoined to spend on other relatives also. The same hadith (tradition) goes on to say

(a.s.) is the abbreviation of -Arabic phrase `alayhi (or ha /himu)'s-saldm (may peace be upon him/her/them). And the five strongly recommended expenses are: Dedication of perpetual gift, doing good to one's relatives, doing good to other believers, recommended charity and emancipation of slaves.

This hadith is narrated in Wasa'il ash-Shi `ah. There are numerous ahadith (traditions) extolling the virtues of doing good to one's relatives, which will be mentioned in appropriate chapters.

An interesting point to ponder over is that the Hindus, in spite of their Joint Family System (or should it be said, `because of it?') never felt such intense love towards their relatives as was seen in the Arabs in spite of their Separate Family System, and that Islam upheld that love to a reasonable extent.

One cannot help but admire how Islam has interwoven the "family sympathy" of the Joint Family System with the "legal orderliness" of the Separate Family System. There is no escape from admitting that such a beautiful as well as perfect family system was never adopted before Islam. After all, what is the use of a joint family in which two Hindus (even if they are father and son) are not allowed by their religious customs to eat together? And what is the harm of a separate family if the people are encouraged to eat in one another's house and thus strengthen the bonds of love and relationship?

7. SECLUSION OF WOMEN

Islamic civilization, which is based upon the principle that women should not mingle with men, emphasizes separate domestic arrangements. With the influence of Hindu culture, Indian Muslims gradually adopted the Joint Family System. As a result, that very important Islamic principle has been sacrificed and it has, in its wake, disturbed many other important aspects of Islamic society. The following ayah (verse) needs careful study:

And say to the believing women that they should lower their eyes and guard their modesty;

that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husbands' fathers, or their sons or their husbands' sons or their brothers or their brothers' sons, or their sisters' sons, or their women or those whom their right hands possess, or those male servants who are free of physical needs, or small children who have no sense of the hidden things of sex;

and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O' ye believers! turn ye all together towards Allah, that ye may attain bliss. (Qur'an, 24: 31)

This list does not include the husband's brothers nor his nephews. A Muslim woman must, therefore, keep aloof from them as well as from other strangers.

But the Joint Family System does not allow adherence to this important rule. And once a Muslim woman shows her beauty to the brother or nephew of her husband, she has broken out of the secure boundary of the Islamic commandment, and once the limit is crossed, there is no saying where this "showing off" will end, or whether it will end at all.

Another ayah in the same surah clearly shows that one should not put the burden of his domestic arrangement even on one's parents forever, one must be self-reliant and self-supporting. The ayah is as follows There is no blame upon ... yourselves that ye eat ( without asking permission) in your own houses or the houses of your fathers, or houses of your mothers, or the houses of your brothers, or the houses of your sisters,

or the houses of your fathers' brothers, or the houses of your fathers' sisters, or the houses of your mothers' brothers or the houses of your mothers' sisters, or in houses of which the keys are in your possession, or in the house of a friend of yours ... (Qur'an, 24: 61)

The ayah clearly mentions separate `houses' for fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts, etc. It shows that there is a difference, in the eyes of Islam, between `your house' and the `houses of your fathers' and `houses of your brothers', for example The harmony and unity which must be created by following this law is self-evident. Eating in one another's houses is the surest way of creating love and friendship.

Question: There was a Separate Family System in Arabia. Was it not because of this that the Qur'an mentioned separate `houses' for each relative ?

Answer: Islam had not come to follow the Arabs or anybody else. It had come to lead the whole mankind including the Arabs. There were hundreds of customs - good and bad - in Arabia at the advent of Islam. Islam eradicated all evil and defective customs and rites, and allowed only those systems to continue which were desirable from its own point of view.

If Islam had not liked the family system of the Arabs, it could easily have changed it. But instead, the Qur'an mentions that system without any hint of objection, thus endorsing it. We find many examples in the lives of the Holy Prophet and hisAhlu'l-bayt (family members) which prove that they had adopted Separate Family System in their lives.

There was famine in Mecca in 35 Amu'l fil (the year of the Elephant). Abu Talib had many children and his means of livelihood were limited. The Holy Prophet felt that Abu Talib was facing difficulties. He suggested to `Abbas (another of his uncles), who was wealthy, to share the burden of Abu Talib. `Abbas went with the Holy Prophet to Abu Talib and it was decided that `Ali should live with the Holy Prophet, Ja'far with `Abbas and `Aqil was to remain with Abu Talib.

This fact proves that the domestic arrangement of the Holy Prophet was separate from that of Abu Talib. There is no need to remind the readers that the relationship between Abu Talib and the Holy Prophet was more tender and loving than is between a father and his son.

This event, while confirming the Separate Family System, clearly shows the other aspect of Islamic family code: "Keeping the bonds of relationship strong."

During the last Ramadan of his life, Amir al-mu'minin, `Ali ibn Abi Talib (a.s.) used to break his fast one day at the house of al-Imam al-Hasan (a.s.), next day at the house of al-Imam al-Husayn (a. s.), the third day at the house of `Abdullah ibn Ja'far, his son-in-law.

This fact, again, shows both aspects of the Islamic code: Separate Family arrangements and "keeping the Bonds of Relationship strong." These two examples are sufficient to guide Muslims in their daily life. If any Muslim ventures to deviate from this straight path, he will no longer remain on the path of Islam.

In short, Islam has brought for mankind a Family System which combines the good features of both family systems mentioned earlier and has weeded out the evil aspects of both. It has the legal straight-forwardness of the Separate Family System as well as the harmony and sympathy of the Joint Family System.

And it is only by following this Islamic code that mankind can obtain peace of mind in this life and everlasting happiness in the life hereafter.



8. PARENTS AND CHILDREN

. Your parents and your children, ye know not which of them are nearest to you in benefit. . (Qur'an, 4:11)

This ayah shows the Islamic attitude towards the relationship between parents and children. From infancy to adulthood, it is unparalleled ten der love and care of the parents which brings the child from the stage of absolute weakness and helplessness to perfect strength and independence.

Conversely, in old age a man becomes like a small child; the mind and body turn so weak that Allah says If We grant long life to any, We cause him to be reversed in nature . . (Qur'an, 36:68)

Yesterday, your parents looked after you when you were too feeble to look after yourself; today you must look after them.

9. WHY SO MUCH EMPHASIS ON THE RIGHTS OF PARENTS?

Here is a point to ponder over: We do not find in the Qur'an and hadith so much emphasis on looking after the children as is the case with the rights of the parents. Why?

The shari `ah has put a new challenge to those who think. Find out how logical this attitude is. The fact is that the parent's heart is the fountainhead of the love for the child; this affection becomes the life-blood of the parents. The Qur'an has alluded to this instinctive parental love in several places.

On the other hand, children especially when they are no longer in need of parental care, do not feel so much love for the parents. We are not speaking about respect. Here the talk is about instinctive love; and experience is a reliable witness to confirm this observation It is a known fact that sign-posts are not needed on straight highways; but at a cross-roads where several routes branch out, one cannot expect to get onto the right path without a guide or a sign-post.

It is for this reason that Islam does not emphasize in so many words those aspects of life which are taken care of by human nature itself. It is where the hold of natural instinct is loosened that Islam extends its helping hand and leads man on the right path by telling him what he is expected to do.

It was for this reason that Islam did not explain the rights of children so forcefully; but full emphasis was given to the rights of the parents, as will be observed in coming chapters.

10. RIGHTS OF CHILDREN

The Holy Prophet said to `Ali (a.s.) O' `Ali, there are as many rights of children incumbent upon parents as there are rights of parents incumbent upon children. Rights and duties are inter-related. The right of `A' is the duty of `B'. Although, as mentioned above, natural parental love was a sufficient surety for the upkeep, welfare and upbringing of the child, Islam prepared some wonderful guidelines for the parents.

There are many important turning points in human life - right from birth to adulthood - in which a wrong step may prove fatal for happiness and success - both of this world and of the life hereafter.

Most important is education and characterbuilding. Here are a few sign-posts concerning these two aspects NAME: Amir al-mu'minin, `Ali ibn Abi Talib (a.s.) said The first beneficence of a parent towards his child is to give him a good name; therefore, you should name your child with a good name.

It is a fact that good names may have a good influence on the mind of a person. A child hears his name day and night; and it is reasonable to be lieve that the meaning of that name sub-consciously strengthens those characteristics which are implied in that name. Of course, it does not mean that no evil person has a good name. What is emphasized here is the fact that a name has a psychological effect on the person, provided it is not countermanded by rearing or society.

A bad name has one more tangible evil effect. Whenever that name is announced, the person will feel embarrassment and the name will become a source of constant irritation, effecting his outlook of society. Hence the emphasis in ahadith on giving good names to children.

The Holy Prophet used to emphasize this aspect of life so much that al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: "(The Apostle of Allah) used to change the bad names of people and places." It is recommended that the child should be named after the Holy Prophet and his family. Strangely enough, nowadays people name their children after film actors and actresses. This trend points to a far deeper malady of our society. It shows that now our daily life and dominating thoughts have lost their connection with the founder of Islam and his family. Now we are glorifying those whose lives are diametrically oppossed to Islamic tenets; and who depend on hardm (forbidden) actions for their livelihood. By giving our children the names of such anti-Islamic persons, we are teaching our children not to care about Islam in their lives.

11. THREE STAGES OF LIFE

From infancy upto the age of 21-22 years, one's life may be divided into three stages: The First Stage is upto the age of 7. Ancient philosophers were of the opinion that the human mind in the very beginning is completely blank, and it is only gradually that it starts using the faculties of sight, hearing etc.

During childhood, it becomes strong enough to understand common words and ideas and associate names with objects. Still it is not developed enough to bear the strain of logical reasoning and abstract ideas.

That theory basically is accepted even today. And tests and experiments have led modern psychologists to believe that as a general rule the child's mind upto the age of 7 and 8 years is not strong enough to grasp book knowledge. Children who are required to cram pages and pages of books at such a tender age suffer a lot and their originality is sacrificed on the altar of written pages.

The Second Stage begins at 8 years and goes to 14-15 years. In this period the mind remains alert and easily grasps logical reasoning and ab stract theories. The child's interest in acquiring knowledge is at its peak at this age. The freshness of mind and ability to learn more is never as marvellous as is in this period. This is because the curiosity to learn about the unknown is generally not bridled by any responsibility.

The Third Stage is after 14-15 years. The human mind becomes strong; adolescence opens new horizons before the eyes. Sex, marriage, domestic life and its complex problems come to the fore. The child of yesterday is the youth of today. He appreciates that soon he will be required to look after himself; he knows that every passing day brings him nearer to the responsibilities of a family with all that that entails.

These thoughts prepare him to exert himself to earn his own livelihood, and he starts looking for a way to do so.

In this perspective let us look at the following ahadith and see how our Divine philosophers explained these aspects of life which modern psy chologists have discovered after hundreds of experiments

1) al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a. s.) said Let your child play upto seven years (1 st stage) ; and keep him with you (for study etc.) for another seven years (2nd stage) ; then if he succeeds (well and good) ; otherwise, there is no good in him.

2) The Holy Prophet said The child is the master for seven years (1 st stage) ; and a slave for seven years (2nd stage) and a vizier for seven years (3rd stage) ; so if he builds a good character within 21 years, well and good, otherwise leave him alone because (if you looked after him for 21 years) you have discharged your responsibility before Allah.

As the first stage is a care-free period, it has been called mastership; the 2nd stage means taking orders from teachers and parents, therefore it has been called slavery; in the third stage the child is expected to help his parent in earning his livelihood, so it has been named viziership. For each of these periods, the Islamic shari `ah has given some guidelines.

First Stage: It has been explained that the child should not be burdened with books in this period. But this does not mean that his mind's faculties remain suspended. On the contrary, the atmosphere of society continuously influence the child's mind, though he himself is not aware of this process. Therefore, it is essential to give utmost priority to the proper upbringing and character-building.

The best way to inculcate good behaviour in children is to behave with them with good grace. In this way, they will learn etiquette, good behav iour and noble character. The Holy Prophet said: "Respect your children and teach them good behaviour, Allah will forgive (your sins)."

It is emphasized that children should be kept in a good environment. The Holy Prophet said: "O' `Ali, it is among the rights of the child on his father to ... teach him good manners and keep him in good society."

Also, it is desirable to gradually give them religious training, because the impressions gained in childhood are very difficult to erase and if res pect and love of religion is infused in his mind in childhood, he will always remain attached to the religion. The syllabus of such training is given in the following hadith `Abdulldh ibn Fadl narrates from al-Imam Muhammad al-Bdqir (a.s.) or al-Imam Ja'far as- Sadiq (a. s. )

When the child reaches 3 vears. teach him seven times to recite illa ' llah) .

is 3 years 7 months and 20 days old; then train him to say madun rasulu 'llah ). Then leave him at that till he completes 4 vears. then teach him seven times to say (salla 'llahu ala Muhammadin wa aali Muhammad). Then leave him at that till he reaches the age of 5 years; then ask him which one is his right hand and which one is the left. When he knows it then make The Family Life of Islam ( la ilaha (Muham him face giblah and tell him to do sajdah (prostration).

This is to continue till he is 6 years of age. Then he should be told to pray and taught ruku ` (to kneel down) and sajdah. When he completes 7 years, he should be asked to wash his face and hands, and then told to pray.

This will continue till he reaches the age of 9 years, when he should be taught proper wudu' (ritual ablution before prayer - and should be punished if he is not careful) and proper salat (prayer - and should be punished if he is not regular). When he learns proper wudu' and saldt Allah forgives the sins of his parents.

Every sentence of this valuable hadith deserves attention. See how gradually the child is taught his duties of the shari`ah without putting any burden upon him. Of course, a child may be taught wudu' and saldt in a short period of 3-4 days when he is 12 or 13 years old. But that crashprogramme training will not have the benefits of that gradual and early training recommended in the hadith.

Second Stage: Now comes the period of formal education. It is the most crucial period of life, the foundation-stone of the future. Islam directs that in this period a child should first be given necessary religious education so that he may not be misled by anyone in belief or action.

al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.)said:

Make haste in teaching your youngsters hadith before they are approached by murji 'a or Murji'ite (a wrong sect). Children are like a green, tender branch; they may easily be bent in any direction. If they are not given proper religious education at this stage, then only Allah can save them from misleading influences.

Unfortunately, our people do not care at all about this instruction. There was a time when the teaching of the Qur'an and elementary religious subjects was a MUST. Alas! now our children in quite a tender age are sent to such institutions where unconspicuously they are saturated day in and day out with anti-religious propaganda. No wonder that when they grow up the anti-religious feeling also grows up to become a deep-rooted bias.

In 1948 the writer had occasion to visit a village of Ithna `asharis. On asking questions it appeared that even aged people did not know usul ad-din (principles of religion) or the names of the Imams. It was one village. How may other such villages must be in the length and breath of Indo- Pakistan Sub-continent? It is a frightening thought. The Holy Prophet emphasized the teaching of two things to male children. He said: "It is the right of the male child on his father to ... teach him the Book of Allah ... and riding and swimming." al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said that it is the duty of the father to teach his son writing.

These traditions guide us to compulsorily include `Religion', `physical training' and writing in the syllabus of male children. In addition, other subjects (which are in conformity with the aptitude of the child or are necessary for earning his livelihood) may be added. In other words, the above-mentioned three are compulsory subjects while others are optional.

A separate syllabus has been prepared for the girls. The earlier mentioned hadith of the Holy Prophet goes on to say And if the child is female then it is her right that she ... should be taught the surah of ` Light' and she should not be taught the surah of Yusuf and should not be allowed to go on the roof or windows.

According to the Qur'an and traditions, what she is obliged to learn and do is as follows:

She must learn the fundamentals of faith and the commandments of the shari `ah; and obey her husband by allowing him his conjugal rights. But she is not obliged to earn her livelihood; nor is she duty-bound to take up the drudgery of domestic work. Similarly, it is not her duty to bur den herself with matters concerning the general welfare of society, nor to learn various subjects other than those mentioned above, nor to participate in industrial or agricultural ventures.

She is not obliged to do so. But if she acquires such additional knowledge, or perform her domestic work, or participates in matters useful to society, it will be regarded as her additional excellence, provided she keeps within the limits of hijdb ( woman's veil) imposed upon her by the shari `ah To sum it up, the girls should be given such an education which makes them the "Light of the Home" not a "Decoration of Public places."

Our readers should note that even a part of the Qur'an (i.e., surah of Yusuf) is not permitted to girls to learn because it contains the references to the love of Zulaykha towards Prophet Yusuf (a.s.). Seeing this restriction, those Muslims who allow their children (and especially girls) to read sexy novels, visit cinemas where they are practically taught all kinds of obscene thoughts and deeds should be ashamed of their irresponsible behaviour. Such parents should be ashamed of themselves, if they have an iota of Islamic feelings left in their hearts.

Third Stage: This is the period of earning one's livelihood. But it is not possible to go into the details of "Livelihood" here.

Also, this is the period when children should get married. And much emphasis has been given to getting girls married as soon as possible. The Holy Prophet said that it is the right of the girl upon her father that he should make haste in sending her to the house of her husband.

It is very unfortunate to see many Muslims nowadays ignoring and neglecting this responsibility till the girls sometimes reach the age of 35 or 40 years; and then nobody wants to marry those old maids. The harm which is done by this "irresponsible parenthood" is too obvious to need any description. But the sad facts is that their attitude is governed by snobbery - sometimes it is financial superiority and sometimes it is caste or clan - and those people would rather let their daughters grow into old spinsters than marry them to a young man of good character who is not equal to their financial or tribal status.

The Holy Prophet said that "Every believer is equal in status (in matter of marriage) to any other believer." But we are so much influenced by un-Islamic cultures (based on caste or race system) that we tend to look down upon our bright Islamic culture. May Allah have mercy upon us.

The same hadith guides us about male children; that they should be married when they become mature. It does not necessarily mean that the boys should be married just after reaching the age of 15 years.

The first marriage of the Holy Prophet was performed when he was 25 years of age. Amir al-mu'minin `Ali (a.s.) also married Fatimatu'z Zahra' (a.s.) when he was 25 years old. But even then, there is no criterion for age. The only thing which matters is that when a young man becomes emotionally mature and he feels an urge to enter into matrimonial relationship then he should get married without any delay. It is a condition which cannot be measured by age or time.

At this stage the parents' responsibility towards their offsprings comes to an end. If anyone brings up his children remaining within these Islamic limits, then that child surely will be the apple of the parents' eyes and the delight of their hearts; and it is this child who, in his turn, may be hoped to fulfil his obligation towards his parents.

Referring to such offspring, the Holy Prophet said that "The virtuous child is a flower from the flowers of Paradise." Also he said: "Among the good fortunes of a man is the virtuous child."



20. MUTUAL RIGHTS OF HUSBAND AND WIFE

... They ( wives) are your garment and you are their garment ... (Qur'an, 2:187) While the "family" is the foundation of civilization and society, the relationship of husband and wife and defining their mutual rights and duties is the foundation of family-life.

This is a very difficult problem; human beings have been trying to unravel this knotty problem since the the beginning of humanity - and the result is a never-ending conflict of theories and a mass of irreconcilable views and opinions; and this confusing state of affairs seems to worsen day by day.

In various places and at various times, the mutual duties of husband and wife have been going up and down in cycles like a merry-go-round. Space does not allow us to give here any detail; but history has clear evidence to show that whenever the sphere of activities of women was enlarged the only result was unmitigated disaster and a decayed society.

Every so-called liberty brought a reaction of horrifying suppression; and every unchecked excess resulted in suffocating restrictions. Maintaining a balance between extremes is the law of nature and nature does not hesitate in severely punishing those who break its laws.

Even now there is a war of ideas, a conflict of ideals, going on in this subject between East and West - or, more correctly, between Islam and the non-Islamic world. The real cause of the conflict is that the anti-Islam forces are either unwilling or unable to decide what are the "Natural" spheres of activities for man and woman, and what are the aims and objects of a married life.

If these two points are clearly defined, then there is no danger of anyone going astray.

21. NATURAL SPHERES OF ACTIVITIES OF MAN AND WOMAN

It is clear that, so far as the safety and development of the human race is concerned, every human being has two important functions to perform :

(1) Pro-creation, i. e., maintaining the population of human beings so that human race is not faced with extinction; (2) To obtain the necessities of life by participating in the struggle of economy.

On the other hand, we see that the Creator has divided the humanity into two distinct groups: Male and Female. And, it is clear that, physically and biologically man is equipped far better to deal with the hustle and bustle of the struggle to earn livelihood, while woman is prevented from it by her many physical differences. On the other hand, the body of a woman is geared to pro-creation and child-rearing.

it requires no great philosophical mind to realize that the nature has endowed each group with the ability to efficiently perform only one of the two functions: the man, by nature, is unable to bear and rear a child; likewise, the woman is not meant to bear the back-breaking burden of earning her livelihood or to plunge into the conflicts of society.

22. BENEFITS OF MARRIAGE

The above discussion brings us to the benefits of marriage and the philosophy of the matrimonial bond.

Marriage is one of the fundamental sociological institutions. Mankind, since its very beginning, has kept to it without any disruption. Even the so called `uncivilized' tribes and primitive societies treat marriage as a sacred bond. Such an institution must be based on the foundation of the nature itself.

Philosophy of Marriage: Islam has based its matrimonial laws on the correlation between masculinity and femininity. Obviously this comple mentary system in man and woman - and it is the most intricate and inter-related one, permeating their whole beings - was not created in vain or without purpose. The male by his nature is attracted to the female, and vice versa.

And this system has only one goal in sight: Procreation. Islamic marriage is based on this reality, and all its matrimonial rules revolve around this axis. On this foundation are based the Islamic laws concerning chastity and conjugal rights, exclusive attachment of the wife to her husband and the rules.of divorce and `iddah (the waiting-period after a woman has been widowed or divorced before she can re-marry), legitimacy and parentage, custody of children and their upbringing, inheritance and other related matters.

In short, marriage is the only legal and honourable way of satisfying sexual desire, and the husband and wife by their union ensure the sur vival of mankind. Although almost all the burden in this task falls on the woman, the initial steps cannot be taken without the participation of the man.

This is the philosophy of marriage. And it also shows the first and primary benefit of matrimony. The Holy Prophet said:

Marry and procreate and increase your population ... Second Benefit of Marriage: The second benefit is that the husband and the wife jointly (but with division or responsibilities) perform the tasks which they are faced with in establishing a family. And each finds his or her fulfilment in the other. As explained earlier, woman is not fit to earn livelihood; man is not fit to manage domestic affairs.

Marriage binds them to make up each other's deficiencies, so that the family may prosper.

The man will spend his energies in earning a livelihood for himself and his family. The woman will manage the domestic life with that income. Allah has reminded us of this very point in these words And marry those among you who are single, and the virtuous ones among your slaves, male and female: if they be in poverty, Allah will make them rich by His Grace; for Allah is abundantly-giving, All-knowing. ( Qur'an, 24:32)

It is for this reason that al-Imam Ja'far as- Sadiq (a.s.) said: "The sustenance is with women and dependants." Domestic science is the natural preserve of women, and by their efficient management they can make the money stretch far.

Modern non-Islamic societies have laid the foundation of matrimony on only this cooperation between husband and wife, while in Islam it is a secondary, not the primary, benefit. Marriage, according to present day societies, is a co-operative venture, albeit much narrower in scope than other such institutions, like a municipality or a club.

It is for this reason that modern laws do not pay any attention to the rules of chastity etc. This inadequate foundation - cooperation in life - has given rise to a vast multitude of social problems and has created chaos in domestic life, because it is not in complete harmony with realities of creation and nature.

Man is a social animal, no doubt. Everyone cooperates with everyone else, dividing the labour and work according to one's aptitude. But this factor requires cooperation between any two persons; it does not specifically call for cooperation between a man and a woman. Therefore, it is a weak foundation on which to build the edifice of matrimony.

If marriage were only a co-operative institution, there would be no need of any special rule for matrimony; the general rules governing associations and co-operative societies would be enough. It would negate the virtues of chastity and fidelity, nullify the concept of legitimacy and affinity, and abrogate the rules of inheritance - as some "advanced" societies have done. If we accept this ultimate result of the modern philosophy of marriage, we will have to accept that all this complicated and inter-related system in the bodies of man and woman was created without any purpose.

Now to return to our original topic. The basic philosophy and secondary benefit of marriage have already been described. It was because of those benefits that the Holy Prophet said: "The worst of your dead is the unmarried one." Now, we may understand the meaning of the ayah:

They (wives) are your garment and you are their garment.

The garment serves three purposes: it beautifies, it covers the parts of the body, and it protects from cold and heat. Allah says 0' Children of Adam! We have bestowed upon you garment to cover your shame, The Family Life of Islam Marital Affairs and to be an adornment to you. And the garment of righteousness, that is the best ... ( Qur'an, 7:26)

Husband and wife, by uniting together, cover the natural shortcomings of each other, and this union protects them from hardships and diffi culties which one faces by living alone; the sun of happiness and prosperity shines on the horizon of life; and both, by their joint efforts, discharge all the duties laid upon them by human nature.

23. ISLAMIC BOUNDARY LINE

Uptil now we have been looking at the natural boundary line between the responsibilities of man and woman. Now, let us see how Islam - the Natural Religion - has safe-guarded that boundary.

It was mentioned earlier that Islam wants to educate boys in such a way that they develop into Men of Action; and to educate girls to make them into the Rulers of the Home.

Nature demands that all individuals should have equal rights. But it does not mean that every individual should be entrusted with every responsibility and every duty. A weak person is not expected to perform the tasks done by a strong one.

If we treat both equally, it.will be harmful to both. What is then the meaning of this equality? It means that everyone should be given his or her right without let or hindrance, and be put in his or her rightful place. The words of Allah point to it ... and they (women) have rights similar to the rights against them, accroding to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them; ... (Qur'an, 2:228)

This verse ordains equality between the rights of both groups at the same time when it shows the differences between the both.

Men and women equally share the Divine gifts of thinking and will, which in their turn create free choice. She should, therefore, be free in her thinking and will, and should have freedom to choose her own course of action. In other words, she should be free to look after her life's affairs - personal as well as social - except where there is a genuine reason to the contrary. Islam gave her this freedom in full measure. She may act independently in all matters in which a man is free to act.

She gets her share in inheritance, she is the rightful owner of whatever she may earn, she may deal with others in all types of dealings, like trade, partnership and gift, she may acquire knowledge and impart it to others, she may stake a claim, defend her rights, sue and be sued without any need of seeking permisssion of her husband.

These few examples will show how she was given an independent personality, unfettered in her will or action by men or their guardianship. She thus got, by the Grace of Allah, what the world had denied her since the beginning of humanity, and which was unheard of before the advent of Islam.

But while sharing these basic qualities with men, she differs from them in other ways. As a result of those differences, her body is compara tively soft and elegant; and finer sentiments, like love, tender -heartedness and inclination towards beauty and adornment, are more pronounced in her than in man. On the other hand, the power of cool reasoning is more prominent in men than in women. In short, a woman lives a sentimental life; a man in comparison does not allow sentiments to cloud his judgement.

It was for this reason that Islam differentiated between the duties and responsibilities of both groups. The tasks demanding cool reasoning, like rulership and judgeship have been reserved for men; also the fighting side of jihad (holy war against the infidels) is man's preserve, although women may attend the jihad for nursing and treating the wounded soldiers.

The woman has been entrusted with bringing up of children and looking after the domestic management. Man has been given responsibility of her maintenance, for which he is compensated by a double share in inheritance.

Thus, Islam was the first to release woman from her bondage by giving her freedom of will and action. All the slogans of emancipation of women, raised in modern times, are but an echo of the clarion call of Islam. Non-Islamic societies in this matters are just following the lead given by Islam. But the trouble is that they are not content with following; they want to improve upon the master-piece of Islam - forgetting that the principle laid down by Islam is a perfectly circular ring; nothing can be added to or substracted from it without disturbing the whole alignment. Yet, in spite of their keen desire to emancipate woman, these societies have not succeeded in this endeavour.

Woman is still far behind in all those fields of activities which Islam has reserved for man. The data show that the fields of rulership, judgeship and military services (in the meaning of fighting) are still a "man's world".

The following hadith (tradition) may give a general outline of the above-mentioned Islamic principle

al-Imam Muhammad al-Baqir (a.s.) said:

Verily, Fatimah (a.s.) had taken the responsibility of the domestic works, like ... grinding the flour, baking the bread and sweeping the house; and `Ali (a.s.) had taken the responsibility of all works outside the door of the house, like bringing the fire-wood, and obtaining food stuff, etc. (Bihar al-anwar, Vol.10)

According to this hadith the boundary between the responsibility of man and woman is the wall of the house. Woman is Supreme in whatever happens within four walls and man is Supreme in all matters outside those walls.

Islam has liberated the woman from the turmoils and troubles of outside world; so that she may concentrate on the burdensome duties of domestic affairs.

Now, we come to the mutual rights and duties of husband and wife.

24. THE RIGHTS OF THE HUSBAND

Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they (i.e., men) support them ( women) from their means... (Qur'an, 4:34)

This ayah covers in a nut-shell all the principles of domestic life. As mentioned earlier woman is, by nature, the weaker sex. As such she should not be expected to struggle for a livelihood; instead man should provide for both. If `home' is a kingdom, then husband is the King, and wife his Prime Minister. This ayah points to these facts. Let us look minutely at these phrases ` Allah has given the one more than the other.": This phrase refers to the natural strength of man in comparison to woman.

Man and Woman: Physical Differences It has been mentioned earlier that there are certain important anatomical and physical differences betweeen man and woman, which equip them for different roles in procreation. To these major differences can be added other secondary ones involving skeletal and muscular variations.

Reference to any physiology book will show that the regulation for the maintenance of these differences is largely a chemical one: the harmones (the name given to the chemicals which animals and human beings produce to regulate procreative and other functions) produce physical and functional differences. It can also be shown scientifically that these harmones produce distinct emotional effects and they are agents which cause emotional changes such as those seen in women before and after child-birth.

It should be mentioned here that it is the harmones which produce the marked general difference between man and woman, described earlier, which make the latter more suited to the task of rearing young children, and the former better able to withstand the rigours of competitive existence.

Farid Wajdi Afandi quotes an authority to the effect that the psychology of a woman is nearer to that of a child. A child will start crying if confronted with an unpleasant situation; and will start jumping and merry-making when happy. Just the same is the case with woman who, in comparison to man, is more affected by such feeling.

Allah has made woman more sensitive than man because it is more in keeping with the role for which she has been created, i.e., Motherhood. Pointing to this fact Kenneth Walker writes in The Physiology of Sex (published by Penguin Books)

In order that she may succeed in the world to which she rightly belongs, woman has been equipped with a greater sensitiveness to effective stimulus than has a man. She sees life through her feelings, and emotionally reaches to many a truth to which a man, working laboriously through the medium of his reason, remains permanently blind. The fact that in the sphere of intellectual abstraction she is at a disadvantage is no sign of inferiority,

for it is no exaggeration to say that a man's judgement is as often warped as it is helped by this intellect. `A woman judge,' it has been said, `Would always deliver her sentences in accordance with the dictates of her heart.'

But, as Maranon has asked, `What better method could there be of judging the action of others than reason tempered with feeling?' It is therefore no deprecation of a woman to state that she is more sensitive in her emotions and less ruled by her intellect. We are merely stating a difference, a difference which equips her for the special part for which she is cast.

Perhaps because of this difference in perception, and the dominance of feeling over intellect, the Qur'an treats evidence of two women as equal to that of one man ... And get two witnesses from your own men; and if there are not two men, then a man and two women such as you choose for witness, so that if one of them errs the other can remind her ... (Qur'an, 2:282) Anyhow, it was because of this natural weakness of the "Fair Sex" that man has been made responsible to provide for her necessities. Justice and mercy demand that her back should not be broken by putting a heavy load upon her.

"Because they (men) support them (woman) from their means " makes this point clear. It is painful to see that the non-Islamic societies have compelled the weaker sex to carry a double load of responsibilities on her shoulders, disguising this "tyranny" as "emancipation of women" and "equality of sexes."

And what does this "emancipation" mean? Woman is still required to carry on her natural responsibilities of child-bearing and child-rearing. Man does not, and by nature cannot, share with her the burden of pregnancy, nursing and suckling the infant, looking after the children and all multifarious activities connected with "motherhood."

Woman has to bear this burden alone. But, in addition to these full-time life-consuming responsibilities, man now tells her to help him in the struggle of earning their livelihood! Thus, the stronger sex has "liberated" the weaker sex to share his burden without himself sharing her burden. Poor woman, she is still overwhelmed by the powerful slogans of "liberation" and "emancipation" without realizing that it is nothing but a clever device of man to overload her with his own duties. The disaster - social, domestic and economic - wreaked by the entry of woman in earning fields are too numerous to be listed here.

25. A WOMAN'S PLACE IS IN THE HOME

However, man has been made guardian of woman, because of his strong physical and intellectual powers and because he is responsible for maintaining her. It is for this reason that the wife is obliged to obey her husband.

The Holy Prophet has said The most honoured women before Allah are those who are obedient to their husbands and remain within the boundaries of their homes. If the women remain within their natural boundry and, by obeying the husband, fulfil the duties imposed upon them by the Creator, they would discharge their responsibilities, and surely would deserve to be called, "The most honoured women."

I know the exponents of the equality of sexes will oppose this straight-forward principle. But in the domestic affairs as in all societies an authori tative leader is a MUST. No association or institution can function without a leader; even sports clubs need a President and a Secretary. Is it not strange that it is only the domestic institution, the hub of all success and prosperity, which is considered so unimportant as not to need any authority?

It has been explained above that a man has a natural ability to become that leader, while a woman requires a man to bring out her natural abilities. In the words of the poet Igbal: The virtue of man shines out without any outside help; but the virtue of woman is dependent on an `other' (i.e., man) to bring it out.

Anthropologists tell us that the first stage of womanhood was when the "family" was not an established institution. Woman, in that period, was free from all bonds, and was absolutely her own master. But, in that very stage, she was absolutely without any honour and had no respect.

sitution began to change. Coming within the circle of family the woman lost her freedom and was obliged to submit to many restrictions. But, at the same moment, she acquired a high prestige and honour which was undreamt of before.

An interesting question has been asked by an author on this very subject. He asks that if the advance of civilization and human perfection only means that woman attains complete freedom and is not obliged to obey her husband, then, why is it that primitive tribes are not acknowledged as the guardians of highest civilization in the world, as males in those tribes are content to sit idle and it is the woman who is "free" to do all the jobs.

The "emancipation" has compelled many a woman in western countries to shun marriage. In words of a western social worker, these women abhor the fundamental factor of the civilization, that is `matrimony '. They have completely lost the urge and feelings which are naturally found in the women of their age-group. Now they are neither man nor woman; they have developed into a neutral "sex"! They are not `man' because they differ from man anatomically, and they are not "woman" because their activities and feelings are opposite to that of a woman.

A person cannot embark in two boats at the same time. If a woman is devoting her time in earning her livelihood, she is depriving her children of their natural rights of "maternal love and care". In 1971, the Sunday News (Dar-es-Salaam) carried an article under the heading IT IS HARD ON THE MOTHER. The following paragraphs give a fair picture of this deep-rooted problem "Take the example of a mother working in an office. Her first worry before she takes up her appointment is about her children.

"She must make sure that she has hired a suitable nursemaid for the children, which is often a dream because these are becoming unbearably expensive. But someone warm-hearted and generous, with a lot of love to give in mothering the children in her absence: that is the kind of maid servant she wants.

"A mother observes that parental love for a child is actually irreplaceable and is vital to its development. A child has to grow with it. "But, as we have seen, who will pay for the nursemaid or the baby-sitter? The question is difficult enough for a working married mother." Again he writes "But their main concern is their children. As they have to give time to their job, they have to do the same to their children.

"For example, a woman teacher is a mother of two children. Teaching needs many hours of devotion and some extra hours of preparation at home. "A woman teacher who is also a mother has to be very careful in planning her time. Home preparation interferes with the time allocated to chatting and playing with her children, since she has been away for the whole day.

"Some children are naughty. They have to be taken care of with tender toughness. And yet there are teaching lessons to be prepared. She literally has to divide herself into two persons! "The majority of mothers enjoy cooking, so they prefer doing it for themselves even if they have cooks. After office hours, therefore, they pass by the market to do proper grocery, and so to make a meal of their choice - to please sweet teeth of their husbands.

"But the reality of their office or factory jobs means that they are doubling, not to mention that some women do not necessarily love cooking." Above the article, the following words were printed in bold letters: "Children are becoming a problem for the modern working mother in Africa."

In the end the writer dutifully suggested this interesting cure "The question we pose here is: Does a Tanzania husband help in the cooking or any other household chore which in the old days was meant for women?

"If a man and his wife are both career people, the dictates of socialism demand that both of them must work equally in the household. Since this is not the case, what it means is that socialism has not reached home ... where it should have begun in the first place."

But the question is this If the parental love is irreplaceable then how can a nursemaid provide that love and care? If the emancipation of women and "socialism" mean that the woman has to do double duty (motherhood and wage-earning) and also the husband has to do double duty (wage-earning and cooking), then is it not far better and less back-breaking to let both of them do their own natural single duty without interfering with the other's responsibilities? This will have the added benefit of reducing the number of juvenile delinquents ... because children will grow up under kind and understanding mother's love.

We may sum it up with the following words of Kenneth Walker "Not only in her physical but also in her psychological make up everything in a woman is sacrificed to the function of motherhood. In the same way a man is psychologically, as well as physically, specially equipped for the task of seeking out the woman and protecting her and his family.

"(A woman's) aptitude for physical and intellectual exertion in the primitive struggle for existence is less than that of man. Occasionaly she may possess these more masculine faculties, and by her own exertions succeed in establishing for herself a place in the world, but this is not her natural role. Biologically speaking,

the woman who tights her own battles has moved out of the sphere for which nature has equipped her and trespassed into another that does not by right belong to her. The fact that she often succeeds in making good in the new sphere into which she has wandered does not affect this principle. Emotionally and physically she is dedicated to the career of maternity, and it is on the man she was meant to rely not only for her own support, but also for that of her children."

The Urdu poet, Iqbal, has pointed to this fact in these words If western education means the death of `motherhood' then such an education, in the eyes of thinkers, is DEATH.

This subject has been dealt with at some length in order that readers may fully understand the wisdom and virtue of the restrictions put up on women of Islam. Thanks to these regulations, Muslim women have been enjoying their lives quite peacefully and naturally for the last fourteen centuries. They have remained safe and immune from the degradations to which other women were subjected upto the end of the last century. We are sure that by following the rules of Islam they will remain safe from present day excesses as they saved themselves from the shortcomings of the past.

26. HUSBAND: METAPHORICAL LORD

It was mentioned in Part Two that the parents are the metaphorical Lords children. There is no exception to this rule, so far as boys are concerned. But as for girls, after marriage the parents' Lordship comes to an end and they come under the domain of the husbands.

of the A woman once asked the Holy Prophet: "O' Messenger of Allah, whose right is the greatest on man?" The Holy Prophet said: "His parents." Then she asked: "And whose right is the greatest on woman?" He said: "Her husband."

Once some people told the Holy Prophet "We saw some people bow down before some of their people." The Holy Prophet said: "If I were to allow any person to bow down before anyone I would have ordered the woman to bow down before her husband."

al-Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq (a.s.) said: Allah sent a message to the Holy Prophet, "Tell Fatimah (a.s.) not to disobey `Ali (a.s.) because if he was ever displeased (with her) I would be displeased because of his displeasure." It was because of this that the Holy Prophet said to Fatimah (a.s.):

O' Fatimah, if a woman worshipped Allah seventy thousand years, but died disobeying her husband (and the husband was not pleased with her), she would be amongst the people of Hell.

27. OBEDIENCE BASED ON LOVE

We must remember that a rule, based on tyranny or injustice, can never be stable. Therefore, the foundation of the husband's authority has been laid not on fear or awe, but on love. Allah says:

And among His signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between you. Verily, in that are signs for those who reflect. (Qur'an, 30:21)

In this ayah, two words, `love' and `mercy', have been used for the matrimonial love. It points to the subtle

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