In most adoptions, the relationship between the child and the bioparents is usually terminated, over, kaput. In a stepparent adoption, only the noncustodial parent loses parental rights. (The noncustodial parent occasionally keeps visitation rights, and I'll talk about that a little later.)
Why Adopt Your Stepchild?
There are few reasons why you need to adopt a stepchild. In this country, people can choose to live with whomever they want, they can support anybody they want, and they can love whomever they want. But there are many reasons why a stepparent might want to adopt a stepchild.
For some, it's a matter of protecting the child from legal snafus around inheritance. For others, it's an attempt to give equal status to all kids living in the household. Or the action itself may be a ritual of public commitment, like a wedding ceremony. For others, it's just making legal what's already a reality; the commitment, and the actions of parenting, have taken place long before.
If your stepchild's other bioparent dies, you may want to solidify your legal relationship. Thus ends the wishy-washiness. It's all settled—medical release, names, inheritance, and guardianship questions.
What happens if you haven't adopted your stepchild and your partner dies? As a stepparent, you have no legal relationship with your step-little-one. Unless you adopt (or are named guardian in advance), the court will be appointed guardian in such a circumstance. Your stepchild may be sent to live with biological relatives, and you may not be able to gain any visitation rights. (Of course, all this is true if the other bioparent has not died. In that case, if your partner dies, your stepkids automatically go to the noncustodial parent.)
Here are some other reasons to consider adopting your stepchild:
There are also many reasons not to adopt your stepchild. Here's a dose of ugly reality to spoil your day:
Other Options
Many legal protections provided by adoption can be obtained by stepfamilies with a little bit of extra work. Adoption is not always necessary, and the choice to adopt should not be made just for pragmatic reasons. Taking a child as your own is an emotional commitment, too.
If adoption is impossible, unfeasible, or undesirable, consider becoming your stepchild's legal guardian. A guardianship establishes a legal relationship between you and your stepchild (for things such as medical consent and providing education, food, shelter, and clothing), but the parents remain the parents. This option may work for you if you are a custodial stepparent. In this case, you'll need the consent of the other bioparent, but you may face less resistance than if you were requesting consent for an adoption. If you decide to become your stepchild's legal guardian, consider acknowledging this important step in your relationship with a family ceremony.