Married Life

Adopted from the book : "Principles of Marriage" by : "Sheikh Ibrahim Amini"

The task of a wife is to maintain and take care of a husband. It is not an easy undertaking. Those women who are unaware of this feature of their role, may find difficulty in fulfilling the task. It is a job for the woman who is aware that the job requires a degree of sagacity, style, and ingenuity. For a woman to be a successful wife, she should win over her husband's heart and be a source of comfort to him. She should encourage him to do good deeds while dissuading him from bad ones. She should also provide adequate measures to maintain his health and well-being. The results of her efforts are directed towards making the man into a kind and respected husband who would be a proper guardian for his family, and a good father from whom the children would seek guidance and respect. Allah, the All-Knowing has endowed woman with extraordinary power. The prosperity and happiness as well as the misery of the family are in her hands.

A woman can turn the home into a lofty paradise or a burning hell. She can lead her husband to the peak of success or the dregs of misfortune. The woman with the qualities bestowed on her by Allah, who is aware of her role as a spouse, can elevate her husband to a respected man even if he had been the lowest of all men.

"One learned scholar wrote: 'Women possess a strange power in that they are able to acquire whatever they desire'. " 13

In Islam, taking care of one's husband has an important position. It has been equated to the role of Jihad (holy war in the path of Allah). "Imam Ali (AS) stated: 'The Jihad of a woman is to take care of her husband well'." 14

Considering that Jihad is the struggle and holy war in the path of Allah including the struggle for advancement and honour of Islam, defending the Islamic territories and execution of social justice, it is one of the highest acts of worship. The value of fulfilling the duties of a proper spouse is also reflected upon when considering Jihad.

"The Prophet (SA) of Islam stated: ' Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her, enters Paradise'." 15 The Holy Prophet also stated: "If a woman does not perform her duty as a spouse, she has not done her duty to Allah." 16

Kindness

Everyone is thirsty for friendship and kindness; They all like to be loved by others. The heart of a human being thrives on it. A person who is not loved by anyone regards himself as alone and deserted. Dear lady! Your husband is not any different. He is also in need of love and affection. Before his marriage the love and affection of his parents fulfilled this need, but now, he expects you to fulfill it. The man looks towards his spouse to find friendship and love, which is a requirement of all human beings. He struggles hard to earn a living and to comfort you. He shares with you all the hardships of life and as your true partner cares for your happiness even more than your parents. Therefore, express your appreciation to him and love him, he will love you. Love is a two-way relationship which unites the hearts.

A twenty-year old boy who had come to Tehran to study at the university, fell in love with a 39-year old widow who was his landlady. This was because the woman had fulfilled the empty place of his mother in his heart through her kindness. 17

If love is mutual, the marital foundation becomes strong and the dangers of separation are averted. Do not proudly think that your husband fell in love with you at first sight, because such love is not lasting. A lasting love is through kindness and permanent affection in the form of a very close friendship.

If you love your husband and have a good friendship he will be happy and willing to strive and sacrifice himself for your well-being. A man who enjoys the love of his wife, rarely suffers from poor health or has emotional problems. If a man is deprived of a warm and friendly relationship with his spouse, he may become disheartened and may avoid his home. He may end up spending a great deal of time out of his home in search of friends and attention. He may say to himself: "Why should I work and support the people who do not like me. I might as well enjoy myself and try to find genuine friends."

A woman may sincerely love her husband, but does not show it or express it very often. It is not enough to establish the ties of friendship and take it for granted. Occasional expressions of statements such a "I love you," "I missed you," "I am happy to see you," help enormously in promoting a good relationship. When the husband is on a trip, the woman should write letters expressing that she missed him. If there is a telephone at the man's office, the wife should phone him occasionally, but not in excess. She should praise him among friends and relatives when he is absent, and defend him if anyone is talking against him.

The Almighty Allah refers to this bond of love and affection of a husband and wife in the Qur'an:

"And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect (30:21)." "Imam Rida (AS) stated: 'Some women are blessings for their husbands who express their love and affection'." 18 "The Holy Prophet (SA) stated: 'The best of you among women are those who possess love and affection'." 19 "Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'When you love someone, let the person know'." 20