Fourth Difficulty of Marriage; Hurdles and Hindrances of the Elders and Friends

Adopted from the book : "Youth and Spouse Selection" by : "Ali Akbar Mazaheri"

The respect for parents and obedience to them is obligatory for and binding upon children. It is one of the biggest obligations of Allah. Annoying, molesting and showing disrespect or disobeying parents is prohibited; especially in relation to the big prohibitions.

Parents have ample and plenty of experience and wish and desire the goodness and betterment of their children. Whatever they say about their offspring and whichever decision they take or whatever step they take,it is based on the same well-wishing, discernment, experience and sympathy. No one is more well-wishing and sympathetic towards children than parents.

It is obligatory for the young son and daughters to pay attention to the well-wishing, sympathy, discernment and opinions of the parents and to take advantage of and benefit from their experience. Possibly, what sagacious parents see in a brick, young children may not see in a mirror. This fact stands valid at its place.

In a few cases, there are unfortunately, fathers and mothers and some friends who due selfishness, egoistic desires or ignorance and foolishness axe the roots of their young children and create hurdles on the way. They do this with their inexperience, illogic and untrue excuses and by exercising wrong views and undue interventions, becoming the cause of their children's misery and destruction.

Such persons bring about abundant and ample difficulties for the youth in the matter of "marriage and spouse selection" and sometimes happen to cause misfortune and misery for a long life to them. For instance, they impose their own wrong views upon their children and compel them to mary someone whom they have selected, though the children may not be pleased or approve it.

They judge and consider marriage candidates according to their own set of standards and tastes without any attention even to the view and opinion of their children and so they approve or reject whomever they please.

When a proper and suitable spouse is proposed, they hinder and stop the relationship taking shape with excuses, conditions, and undue and illegal expectations.