Be Attentive

Adopted from the book : "Principles of Marriage" by : "Sheikh Ibrahim Amini"

Woman is an emotional being whose emotions are dominant over her logic. She is more naive and sensitive than a man. She can be deceived more easily and has less control over her emotional desires. She cannot decide wisely once she is upset. She can be amused or made upset with little effort. Thus if the man has supervision over the behaviour and actions of his wife, most of the possible risks would be averted.

This is why the holy religion of Islam appoints men to act as guardians of their families and makes them responsible for their family affairs.

Allah states in the Holy Quran:

"Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as Allah has guarded." (4:34) Therefore a man, who is regarded as the protector of his family, should not practise carelessness with regard to his wife's deeds, He must always supervise her affairs and monitor her actions, He must see to it that she does not deviate or associate with the wrong kind of people. He must logically explain to her the harms of keeping bad company. He must not allow her to leave the house with indecent clothing or which arouse sexual feelings, He must not permit her to participate in corrupt activities or to attend unworthy gatherings, It is a fact that if a woman is left alone in her deeds and associations, she would possibly fall into the traps of evil- minded people who live in a corrupt life.

Men are recommended to take a look at the number of women who, as a result of their husbands' negligence, have fallen prey to corruption, There are many women who have been deceived at night parties. Many families have broken down and many children have lost their families as a result of such get-togethers. A man who allows his wife to leave the house with indecent clothes, permits her to befriend all kinds of people, and does not stop her from attending corrupt gatherings, is in fact committing the greatest perfidious act to himself, his wife, and children.

This attitude would lead his wife towards hundreds of danger zones from which she cannot easily escape. Petrol is inflammable and fire can burn it, thus it is foolish to think that leaving petrol next to fire would not set it ablaze.

How ignorant and simple minded are those men who allow their wives or daughters, by being indecently dressed, to expose themselves in the streets, while at the same time disliking the attention or notice given to them by the youth.

Wrong freedoms of this kind have grave consequences. If a woman is successful in taming her husband with regard to her unlawful desires, she would then increase the extension of her wishes up to a level where she would act independently of her husband altogether. This will result in mischievous events in the family.

"That is why the Prophet (SA) of Islam stated: 'A man is the guardian of his family and any guardian is responsible to his subordinates to take care of their needs '." 192 "The Prophet (SA) also stated: 'Order women to do good deeds before they make you commit wrong ones'." 193 "In addition the Prophet (SA) stated: 'Whoever obeys his wife, Allah would cast him into the fire on his face'." "The Prophet (SA) was asked: 'What sort of obedience is meant here'? The Prophet (SA) of Allah replied: 'It is when the husband permits a woman who asks her husband to allow her to go to the public bath, weddings, celebrations, and condolence gatherings while wearing delicate and thin clothes'." 194

"Imam Sadiq (AS) stated: 'The bliss of a man is that he becomes supervisor and guardian of his family'."' 195 "The Prophet (SA) of Islam stated: ' Any man who permits his wife, who has adorned herself, to leave the house, is a mean-spirited person, and whoever calls him as such, would not have committed any sin. And any woman whose husband permits her to leave the house adorned and perfumed, with each step that she takes, Allah would build a house for her husband in hell'. 196

Finally, I remind you of two points:

(a) It is correct that a man should be watchful of his wife but this should be done carefully and wisely. He must not resort to anger or violence. He must not make his wife feel that she is being ordered about or else she would react unpleasantly.

The best way is, for the man, to be kind and understanding. He must act like a sympathetic partner and explain to his wife about the harms of wrong deeds. She must be made to choose the right path herself with enthusiasm and eagerness.

(b) A man should be moderate, that is, he should neither be too strict and fussy, nor should be care-free.

A woman, like a man, needs freedom and should be at liberty in her rightful associations. She must be free to communicate with her parents, brothers, and sisters and must be allowed to keep the appropriate type of company.

In brief, there are exceptional cases where a woman should be deprived of her desires. But even in such cases one should not step beyond the limits and become too strict. Too much strictness is harmful. It destroys a friendly atmosphere and causes annoyance. A woman might react severely as a result of her husband's strictness. She might even ask for a divorce.

"A young woman, Mrs... said to the reporter in the court: 'I got married with Mr ...five years ago. We have a son and a daughter now. At times my husband has been treating everybody in a cynical manner. He does not allow me to associate with anybody. He even locks the doors for us when he leaves the house. We are prisoners in his house. I can't even go to my parents any more. My family-members do not come to us either, because of him. I do not know what to do! On the one hand I cannot live with him, and on the other, I am worried about my children's future. So, I decided to take my case to this court; perhaps they can pass some judgment'." 197

Men such as this woman's husband are, unfortunately, so strict and abnormal that their wives, despite their wish to live together, apply for divorce. Their wives become so annoyed with them that, despite having children, they are prepared to separate from them.

Why should a man forbid his wife from associating with her near-relatives? Does he not know that too much strictness prepares the grounds for some women to deviate from modesty? Has he not heard of or seen any shattered families as a result of such behaviour? Even if one's wife copes with one's strictness, there would be a lack of warm family atmosphere in the house. How can one expect an imprisoned housewife to be kind to her husband and children or to eagerly pursue the housework?