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Fatima is Fatima

by : Dr. Ali Shari'ati

Back You are here: Home Books The Educational System in Islam Duties Of Families

Duties Of Families


Duties of Families:

Family is responsible for educating the children correctly in standard criteria that are away from aberrance. There is a number of duties and obligations of families.
First, Families are responsible for saving the factors of settlement, amiability, and tranquillity in home, and removing any sort of violence, malice, and antagonism. The aberrance of majority of the aggressive children, which would lead to criminality, was the result of the home unsettlement. An educationist says, “If we visit jails, brothels, and insane asylums-- then visit schools for counting the unsuccessful, the quarrel makers, the politically extremists, and the abnormal, we will definitely notice that most of such individuals were deprived of the family settlement. They must have been lacking tranquil houses in which there should be compassionate fathers and kind mothers that do not exceed in dalliance or severity. The corruption of such houses has created such pictures of social disorder and purposeless and unsettled generations.”.
Amiability and compassion to sons have the greatest bearing on the sound composition of individuals. Mental complexes are the inevitable result in case fathers pay no attention to this fact. Sons are not ready to accept any advice or guidance unless there is a sort of sincere amiability among the members of families. Psychologists have proven that the complexes that emerge in the period of early childhood, especially those complexes that are originated from the parents’ bad relations with their sons, are the most serious and the preliminary to personal disorders.. Mutual concordance and amiability help in creating the intellectual maturity and the personal boons. Dr. Gilas Thomas says, “Despite the parents’ big responsibility of guiding and training their children, it is quite important to realize that such practices should never replace another essential task that parents must do. This task is the creation of an amiable mood that is shaded by care, and surrounded by compassion and justice. If parents show dearth in reviving such a mood in which the norms of composition are illuminated, they will deprive the children of an uncompensated constituent. Religion, society, and school play a remarkable role in educating the youth. However, none of these factors can save the impressive emotions the center of which is home, and the perfumes of which are smelt among families only.”.
The family pleasure prompts tranquillity in the children’s minds and helps in facing the life difficulties. Salama Musa says, “The family pleasure of children prompts tranquillity to the degree that it does not fade away even if fathers depart the life. When the children of London were evacuated during the raids of the Second World War, it was found that the children who enjoyed that family pleasure could stand the estrangement more than the others could. This proves that the family satisfactory mood prompts tranquillity in the children’s minds. Hence, those children could encounter the estrangement satisfactorily. Estrangement increased for the children who were brought up in troublesome mood. Finally, we expect the children to provide pleasure if they are brought up in pleasant mood.”.
Second, families should supervise the processes of education. Sociologists confirm this necessity. They emphasize that families must be in charge of the processes of the social education through which the children acquire the cultural experts and the rulings that make them eligible for receiving more and more, and fit enough for dealing with the society. Correspondingly, educationists confirm that parents should afford enough compassion, sympathy, and kindness to their children for securing them against depression and melancholy. UNESCO provided a noteworthy report about the defects that may be suffered by the children due to the deficiency of fathers’ compassion. “Children’s deprivation of their fathers, whether temporarily or permanently, results in depression and melancholy accompanied by feelings of sinfulness and malice. It also causes uncontrollable rebellious tempers, self-faintness, and loss of the feeling of family compassion. Children that are affected by the deprivation of fathers always swim in illusive worlds, because they are the substitutes of the actual world that they have lost. In most cases, they dream of heroic fathers and angelic mothers. In a survey on kindergartens, it has been noticed that defects, such as difficulty of articulation, ill naturedness and deficiency of emotional sentiment, occur to the children who depart their parents, despite their good health, maturity, and accurate intentional motives..
Association and supervision are the best ways of protecting the children. Modern educationists affirm that the best heritage that should be left to the children is no more than a few minutes a day.. Sociologists who survey the juvenile delinquency have proven that the best way of eradicating the juvenile aberrance is picking the fathers who wander at night from the streets..
Indisputably, fathers who fulfill their duties to their sons, such as supervision and association, will find those sons copying their qualities and natures. Fathers are also asked to give away the luxurious amusement and confine on supervising their sons so that they will be saved against degradation and negligence.
Ahmed Shawqi –An Egyptian poet- says that orphans are not those individuals whose parents depart away and leave them alone. Real orphans are those who have to encounter negligent mothers and busy fathers.
Third, some educationists believe that fathers and mothers should apply the following steps as duties:
1. Parents should unanimously agree upon the criteria of behavior. One should support the other in the decisions that are related to their sons.
2. Fathers should put in their daily programs that they must associate with their sons, including the babies, for a considerable time. Such practices contribute in seeding the feelings of association in the family.
3. Children ought to make out that their fathers should have enough time for personal activities and practices, such as privacy, reading or practicing their hobbies.
4. Fathers should make their daughters feel their femininity and responsibility of being virtuous, chaste, and righteous. 5. Sons are in need of masculine, powerful, and kind fathers. Any excessive hardness and strictness may cause the sons to take shelter of their mothers and pursue womanish behaviors..
Naturally, children enjoy spontaneous qualities, such as purity, inexperience, sound emotions and simple mentality. Thus, parents should direct their eyes to virtues and seed moral tendencies so that they will yield well in the future.

Functions of Families
1. Families are in charge of producing and satisfying the children with upright moods for fulfilling their biological and social requisites. Families that only produce children have no difference with animals.
2. Families are responsible for training the children to associate and identify the values and customs of societies.
3. Families are responsible for providing the children with means of personal composition in societies.
4. Families are responsible for securing settlement, security, protection, and sympathy to the children until they attain adulthood. Families are the most proficient body that can afford so because they receive the early children., while any other social association cannot replace them –the families- in this regard.
5. Families should take on the great portion of the children’s ethical, emotional, and religious education all over the various stages of childhood. They are fully responsible for the children’s religious education, whether the political regimes, such as the communists, directly or indirectly oppose religion, or neutral in the ethical and religious affairs, such as France. Thanks to the family life, the individuals receive the religious spirits as well as the other family emotions that prepare for associating in societies and homes..
Childhood requires a good deal of care and means of mental and physical maturity. It is quite unacceptable to hypothesize that families’ one and only role is affording the fiscal supports. Such a hypothesis neglects the various mental factors, such as emotion, affection, security, and tranquillity that are essential for composing the individuals. These factors are important for the children’s mental maturity..
Psychologists and educationists confirm that families play the greatest role in the process of education and the formation of personalities. This significant role becomes more manifest when we take in consideration the biological principal which affirms that the younger the human being, the more increasing formation and obedience. It is also possible to apply this principal to the mental powers in the variant levels of maturity. Families are responsible for all of the effects that early children encounter, since they are the basic factor of the children’s lives and the head source of their experts. Further, families are the genuine appearance of the children’s settlement. From this cause, the children’s personal settlement and maturity are totally dependent upon the variant quantitative and qualitative relations of families. Analysts find out that the children’s religious and moral values develop in the surroundings of families..

Family in Islam
Islam has instituted the system of family on sound bases agreeing with the life necessities and the individuals’ exigencies and behavior. It has regarded the family talents that are afforded by God, as spontaneous. God says:
And one of his signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put
between you love and compassion.
This phenomenon on which mankind have been natured is one of God’s grand portents and graces. Islam also works for arranging the Muslim families to be good exemplars and have the elements of orthodox leadership. As God exposes the manners of the virtuous servants, He says:
O Our Lord! Grant us in our wives and our offspring the joy of our eyes, and make us guides to those who guard
against evil.
The availability of good exemplars and virtuous patterns is the most important rule in the educational processes.
In the previous surveys of genetics, we have referred to the Islamic rule that any matrimonial bond should be first founded on test so that the defects of any spouse would not move to the coming generations and societies. Islam has also given fathers the guardianship on their daughters for selecting the most appropriate husband and dismissing the disabled who may cause misfortunes and problems. Since women generally realize only the shells of life, they naturally show blemish in selecting for themselves. In most cases, women are deceived by their fiancés’ false promises and appearances. Most women lack enough acquaintance with the deceitful licentious individuals that may speak of the fascinating words of love and fondness and imaginary promises and pledges. They ignore that a satisfactory marriage occurs only when the other party enjoys noble ethics and high traits that encourage on caring for their affairs and rights, and producing virtuous offspring that bring pleasure and contentment in the final age. Islam stresses on this result.
The system of families that is instituted by Islam relies upon the deep cognizance of the elements of family contentment and bond in physiological, mental, and social fields. It calls for satisfying each individual with kindness, affection, moderation, and settlement.
Islam cares a lot for achieving amiability, understanding, and harmony between spouses since their bond represents the chief core of families. These qualities are available in the ideal spouses about whom Hammerlock Alice said, “Ideal marriage does not rest on accordant desires. It rests upon a chaste union that is based upon deep warmth that increases day by day to scope all of the fields. This is the union of flavors, feelings, and tendencies. It is the union of common life as it binds to paternity burdens.”.
Islam wants the sexual bonds to be ideal and based firmly upon love and understanding so that the educational processes will fruit effectively and create sound societies.
Islam has legislated for attaining all of the objective courses aiming at conciliating, developing, and leading the families to prosperity. On that account, it paid a special attention to the role of home, and ordered the common ethics among families and delimited the private duties that bring about family association and have a positive influence on the educational composition.

Significance of Home
Home, through which the social environment achieves the children’s educational results, plays a considerable role in the educational processes. Children receive traditions, practices, beliefs, arts, traits, history, and triumphs of their nations through their homes. The social environment can attain its strong effects in education only when home accomplishes its missions successfully. Corruption of children is the natural and the inescapable consequence of home corruption. There is more than one role played by home in the educational processes since it is the natural source of affection and kindness. The way to tranquillity passes through home.. Islam has devoted a specific attention to home. It has ordered that love and cordiality should prevail on homes. It also has regulated that any sorts of primness, forsaking, and reproach may retard the children’s adaptation. Serious deviations, such as the loss of security, self-confidence, and others, will affect the children whose homes are too short to fulfill their missions.

THE COMMON COURSES

Islam has constituted courses that are common among family members and called for applying them to their lives so that contentment will shade the all.

Love and Affiliation:
Islam has called for the predominance of love, affiliation, and cordiality among the family members who are required to avoid any concern that may confuse the purity of the living. Women should meet this liability in the first place since they can turn a home into a paradise -by fulfilling the duties, considering the morals, and being a unique believer- or into a hell. A man told the Prophet (s) of his wife’s customs, “She receives me as I enter the house, and sees me off as I leave, and alleviates my cares if she notices any. She used to say, ‘You should care about nothing. If you care for the livings, this is the mission of other than you. If you are caring for a paradisiacal matter, Allah, then, may increase your care.’” The Prophet declared his great admiration of that lady, “Tell your lady that she will be abiding in the Paradise. She is truly one of God’s veritable servants.”.
When wives take care of their husbands by fulfilling their duties, affiliation will be prevalent. Furthermore, a tie of deep adoration will be established among the family members, and this will lead to the successful education.

Cooperation:
Islam has called for the spouses’ collaboration in the living affairs and the management of the home affairs. It has called for living associatively in mutual affiliation and relationship. This is the task of the paterfamilias. Islam has bound the householders with attending to their wives and taking part in the home affairs. The Prophet (s) used to participate with his wives in the house affairs and say, “Partaking wives in the house affairs is a sort of alms.” Imam Ali (a) was wont to help Fatima az-Zahra (a), the veracious and the mistress of women of the worlds, in the housekeeping and the home management. These acts will surely establish a spirit of noble empathy -which is the most significant element of the sound education- in the sons’ essences.

Mutual Respect:
Islam has urged on mutual respect and abidance by morals among the family members. The older must feel for the younger, and the younger should reverence the older. The Prophet (s) said, “The old should be sympathetic to the young, and the young should reverence the old.” Abidance by morals erects a sense of good virtues and values. It correspondingly enjoins the maturity of perfect behavior in the children’s minds, and incites to fling in the field of collaboration with the family and the society. Psychoanalysts have proven that the children’s religious and moral values mature only in the family surroundings..

FAMILY DISORDER

The family members -chiefly the children- will suffer mental defects, nervous disorders, loss of sound behavior, and aberrance if the family is characterized by inharmony and disorder. Modern educational surveys show that family disorder and unsettlement is the biggest elements of aberrance.. Crises that lead to deviation are the results of family clutter. Consequently, it is essentially incumbent, for protecting the juveniles from irregularity and deviation, to conserve the family settlement by removing all of the factors of distress and confusion.

FATHERS’ RESPONSIBILITIES

Not only are fathers responsible for saving their dependants’ alimonies and fiscal necessities, but also they are required to provide education, discipline, morals, and guidance. They must ensure the high traits and warn against evil. Imam Zeinul-abidin (a) says, “Your sons’ right is that you should realize their being parts of you and attached to you in good and evil. You are responsible for providing the noble traits, conducting them to their Lord, and backing them in worshipping Him as a compliance with you. They entirely be rewarded or punished. You should act to your sons as seekers of the good remuneration in this world, and justified to the Lord through the acceptable supervision and training.”.
Imam Zeinul-abidin (a) was used to supplicating to the Lord for his son by saying, “O Lord! Make them filial pious, godly, aware, listeners, and obedient for Thee, and adherents and advisers for Thy saints, and mutinous and antipathetic of Thy foes.”.
Fathers are subject to bring forth the chaste education for the sons to guarantee their sincerity. The Imams of the Prophet’s progeny regarded this topic highly. Imam Ali (a), the first Islamic educationist, says to his son, Imam al-Hassan, “I consider you being a part of me, being me all in all. Anything that strikes you is actually striking me. Death when draws near to you is drawing to me. Your affairs are as same as mine.”
Yes indeed, sons are not only parts of their fathers. They are truly their fathers’ all in all. They expose their fathers’ existence and entity. From this cause, fathers should care for their sons’ education, edification, and perfection in order that they will take pride in them magnificently. On the other hand, sons may be evil and mischievous to their fathers if their education and affairs are neglected. The following are some of the fathers’ tasks:

1. Custody of Sons:
Fathers should take care of their sons by granting them with affection and tenderness, and conferring honor upon them. These matters form the most influential effects in structuring their educational entity and advancing their personalities and mental maturity.
The Prophet (s) had al-Hassan and al-Hussein -his grandsons- in the greatest custody. As he was having them on his shoulders, the Prophet (s) used to say, “These two are my single basil in this world. He whoever loves me should love them.”. On another occasion, he said to Fatima az-Zahra (a), “Summon my two sons.” As she presented them, the Prophet (s) smelt and embraced them.. It is also related that al-Aqra bin Habis, seeing the Prophet’s fondness and custody of his two grandchildren, said, “I do not remember I have ever kissed any of my ten sons.” This saying made the Prophet irate. “What can we do to a man that God has uprooted mercy from him!”.
The Prophet (s) poured his ideal and guidance in the minds of his two grandsons. He also dwelled his merciful tendencies on them. Therefore, they became the excellent exemplars of perfection. Their liberal lifetime accumulated the total aspects of magnitude and divinity as well as whatsoever mankind boasts all over history. They achieved the elevation in ethics and essence, and delved into the fields of grandeur and right.
Fathers’ custody, affection, and charity to sons are the most consequential constituents of the educational entity that consummates the children’s personal affluence and spares the mental complexities that are the most serious diseases. Modern educational surveys have proved that good citizens and virtuous scientists are mostly the outcome of the careful families.. Psychologists have asserted this fact, too. Conversely, the sons that are unwelcomed and disregarded by their families take aggressive paths and seem to be negative, quarreling, and rebellious, and invent skillful trickeries for disturbing the adults. Besides, they tend to criminal behavior.
- The aspects of the family negligence are as follows:
- Cruelty and excessive vulgarity in treating the children.
- The use of the fierce physical disciplining.
- The continuous criticizing, reproaching, and exposition of the children’s defects before others.
- Intemperance in neglecting and accusing the children.
- The negligence of praising the children.
- Disgracing the children before the other brothers and sisters.
- Showing astonishment when others praise the children..
Fathers should avoid the previous matters when they deal with their sons. This will save the children’s behaviors and guard them against irregularity and aberrance.

2. Equality:
Fathers should cover their sons with equal amounts of love, affection, and custody. Many psychological complexities, jealousy, fury, and the arising of mental passive revolts may occur to the children who notice any distinction in the fathers’ conservation. These effects may lead to serious psychological ailments.
The holy Quran exposes the story of Joseph the prophet when his father favored him to the other brothers. Consequently, they plotted for an artifice by which they threw him in a well and came to their fathers weeping. The father –Jacob the prophet- was so regretful that his eyes turned into white. A calamitous crisis that he had to suffer was owing to favoring a definite son to the others. The Prophet (s) is reported to say, “Treat your sons equally as you like to be treated fairly in benevolence and kindness.” As he noticed a father of two sons kiss one and neglect the other, the Prophet (s) reproached, “You should have treated them equitably.”.
Equality among sons is one of the components of the Islamic education. Fathers should never distinguish between brothers. Fathers who address charity and benevolence at certain sons exclusively, or give the heritage exclusively to the sons and neglect the daughters, are definitely out of the circle of Islam. Such procedures arouse hostility and hatred among the brothers and cause retardation in their educational entity, and mental disorder and slowdown in the social relations. It is proven that the sons that are deprived of paternal affection and benevolence are stroke by psychological complexities, social antagonism, and severe conduct. Fabrication, larceny, cruelty, evildoing, and assaulting deeds are the effects of the children that lack paternal affection.
“Children’s paternal hatred stops against the social conditioning. It cancels the feelings of security and self-confidence. Modern psychological surveys have confirmed that the most critical causes of disquietude are the nullity of the family emotional warmth, feelings of others’ negligence, deprivation of love, kindness, and affection, and feelings of weakness in the aggressive world. Secondly, inequality among brothers arises the feelings of disquietude in the children’s minds, and kills the spirits of keenness that help in pushing the way easily and tranquilly. Disordered men feel of depression and mental torment everywhere.”.
Fathers should treat their sons equally, lest the sons will be affected by such serious ailments that smash the mental entities.

3. Cordiality:
Fathers must cover their family members, especially spouses, with cordiality, affection, and benevolence, and meet their needs entirely. God has instituted this as one of the wives’ rights. It also contributes in the children’s prudent education and personal contentment that live in aspects that are filled with love, affection, peace, and settlement. Islam has urged on caring for wives. The Prophet (s) said, “The best of you are the best to their wife. I am the best to my wives.” He also said, “Wives are the husbands’ delight. Almighty God favors those who deal with their delight in the best way.” Imam al-Baqir (a) says, “May God’s mercy be upon those who enjoy good relations with their wives. Allah the Exalted gave men the wives in possession and made them their custodians.” Imam as-Sadiq (a) says, “Fear God while you deal with the two weak; women and slaves.”
Fathers ought not to displease or wrong their wives. The Prophet (s) says, “The best men of my nation are those who do not encroach or wrong their wives and those who treat them kindly.” He then recited God’s saying:
Men are the maintainers of women because Allah has made some of them to excel others.
Fathers’ natures and manners to their family members leave the greatest influence on the children’s consonance in the society. The children’s personalities achieve prosperity only when their fathers’ treatments are well. Contrariwise, children’s behaviors and intellectual maturity are badly affected and ceased if fathers use rudeness.