The Trustee of the House
Men are usually the supporters of the family. They work hard and spend their earnings on their wives and children. They regard this as their duty and do not ever show their displeasure in their hardship.But men also expect their wives to economize and not to spend their money extravagantly. The women are expected to classify the necessities and spend on the priorities such as food, clothes, medicine, rent, electricity, telephone, gas and waterbills.Placing such items as luxury goods on the list of one’s priorities is regarded as squandering and wasteful. Men do not like their wives to misuse their money in buying unnecessary goods or lavishly spending.
If a man finds his wife trustworthy of caring for his money, if he is sure that his wife does not spend lavishly and if he is certain that his hard earned money is not wasted away he would then work harder and would not waste his money.
On the other hand, if the woman spends the money on her clothes and adornment, or if she spends on unnecessary items and they would have to borrow in order to live, or if the family, like an infidel enemy, plunders his wealth, then the man will become disheartened. He would lose interest in working and supporting his family. He would think it illogical to work and support the people who do not appreciate his efforts. He may even go astray and follow a corrupt path. It might shatter the foundations of the family.
Dear madam! although your husband’s money and wealth is at your disposal, do not regard it as your own. The wealth is lawfully his and you are the trusted one. Therefore, taking any item into your possession, giving anything away, presenting or selling any of his belongings needs his permission. You are responsible for his wealth and as such you must protect it. If you shirk your responsibility, you would be questioned in the world Hereafter.
"The Prophet (AS) of Allah stated: 'A woman is the protector and trustee of her husband’s wealth and as such is responsible’."
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'The best of your women is one who perfumes herself, prepares delicious food and would not overindulge in spending. Such a woman is a representative of and one of the workforce of Allah, and a person who works for Allah would never be faced with regret or defeat’."
"A woman asked the Prophet (SA) of Allah: 'What are the rights of a husband over his wife?’ The Prophet (SA) stated: 'She must be obedient towards him, must not violate his orders and should not give away anything without his permiSSiOn."
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'The best of your women is one who spends less’."
Careers of Women
It is right that earniig a family’s living is an obligatory deed of the man, and that women are not Islamically (as per Islamic laws) responsible for this act. Women, however, should also have a job. In Islam. idleness is discredited and reproached."Im?m S?diq (AS) stated: 'The Almighty Allah hates too much sleep and too much rest’."
"Im?m S?diq (AS) also stated: 'Too much sleep wastes and ruins both one’s worldly life and the religion (the life in the world Hereafter)’."
"Hadrat Zahra (AS) also used to work at home."
Anyone, in need or not, should have a job. He should not waste his life by not doing anything, but he should work and offer his share in building a better world.
If necessary, one shoulspend his earnings for his family and himself, but if not needed then he should donate his earnings from work to those who need his help. Idleness is tedious and, more often than not, causes mental and psychological disorders, as well as moral corruption.
The best job for married women is to take care of the house. Housekeeping. childcare, etc are the best and the easiest jobs that women can do.
A talented and hardworking housewife can turn her house into a heavenly place for her children and husband; and this is a valuable and worthwhile job.
"The Prophet (SA) stated: 'A woman’s Jihddis when she attends to her husband (and takes care of him well)’."
"Umm-e-Salamah asked the Prophet (SA): 'How much reward is there for a woman’s housework?’ The Prophet (SA) replied: 'Any woman who, in the way of improving the order of the house, takes something from somewhere and places it somewhere else, would enjoy the grace of Allah, and whoever attracts the blessings of Allah, would not be tormented by Allah’s anger’. Umm-e-Salamah said: '0 RasQl al-Allah (Messenger (SA) of Allah)! May my parents be sacrificed for you, please state other rewards for women’. The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'When a woman becomes pregnant, Allah rewards her as much as He would to someone who goes for Jihdd (holy war) with all his wealth and life. Then when she delivers her baby, a call would reach her stating 'all your sins are forgiven; start a new life again.’ Each time she feeds her baby with her milk, Allah gives her reward equal to that of freeing a slave for each feeding’."
Housewives, even not busy with their housework, should find something to do. They can read books, canduct research on something useful, and add to their knowledge and skills.They can write articles, and even books. They can engage in drawing, painting, tailoring, knitting, sewing, and so forth. As a result they can help their families economically as well as contributing to their society by making their achievements available to the public.
Working prevents the development of many mental disorders.
"Im?m 'All (AS) stated: 'Allah likes a pious person who is honestly engaged in doing a job’."
While some women work at home, there are others who prefer an outside job. This preference may be either for economical or other reasons. In this case, the best jobs are cultural occupations or nursing. Nurseries, primary and high schools are suitable places for women to train and teach female students. Hospitals are also suitable places where women can serve as nurses and doctors. Such jobs are agreeable to the female nature; and also, there would rarely, if at all, be the need for them to mix with or come across the men who are not mahram (near relatives with whom marriage is prohibited).
The following are recommendations to those ladies who intend to or who are working outside their homes.
(a) Consult your husband before taking up a job. It is your husband’s right to grant or refuse you permission to work. Starting to work without your husband’s permission will be detrimental to the serenity and loving atmosphere of your family.
Men are also advised not to be adamantly negative with regard to their wives’ working outside the house, unless the job concerned is considered unsuitable for them.
(b) Ladies should observe proper Islamic Hij?b (veil) when not at home. They should go to work without any make up, and with plain clothes. They must avoid mixing with men who are not mahram as much as possible.
An office is a place to work in and is not for the purpose of showing off, or for rivalry. Prestige and dignity does not come with what you wear, but what you do, and how well you do it. Be and act as a dignified Muslim woman. Maintain your self-respect, and do not hurt your husband’s feelings; save your adornments and your beautiful dresses for him at home.
(c) Ladies should be aware that although they are woking outside the house, they are still expected by their husbands and children to attend to such activities as housekeeping, cooking, washing, and so forth. This can be done by cooperation within the family. An outside job should not pave the way for upsetting the whole family. Men are also advised to help their wives with regard to housekeeping. Husbands should not expect their wives to work both Outside, and inside the house on their own. Such an expectation is neither lawful nor fair. Men and women should share the housework.
(d) If a woman, who working outside, has a child, then she should leave the child in a nursery or with someone trusted and kind. It is neither right nor wise to leave children at home on their own, since many children become fearful or helpless when they have to confront dangerous situations.
(e) If a woman feels that, in addition to the above works and responsibilities, she should undertake another job, then she should definitely come to an understanding with her husband and take up a job with his permission and under his advice. If the husband does not agree, she should forget about this job. If the husband agrees for the wife’s undertaking a job, she must try to select a job in which she comes in contact with minimum number of strange men. This is in the interest of both herself and the society. In any case, while outside her home, she must certainly observe Islamic Hij?b and see that she remains simple and without any make-up.
Do not Waste your Spare Time
The housework comprises of a great deal of work. If a housewife intends to carry Out her job perfectly, she would not have enough time to do anything else. This is especially true if she has to take care of a few children as well. But most housewives do find some spare time.Everyone spends his spare time in one way or another. Some women waste their time. They might just walk in the streets or find another woman to talk to. Most of the time their few hours of talking are not worth a penny. They would listen to repeated words which only prove to be time wasting and nerve breaking. Such idle chatting always results in one’s moral degradation. The women who go through life in this way, are surely losers in this world and the next. How surprising it is that if anyone should lose some money, he would become very upset, but people do not give a thought about losing their precious moments of life.
A wise person would make the most out of his precious hours of life. What valuable achievements one can have! Idleness is very harmful and is a cause of many mental disorders and anxieties. An idle person keeps thinking and finds ways of feeling sad. He would experience many types of worries after which his mind would become confused. A happy person is one who is busy doing something. An unlucky person is one who has excess idle time enough to think of the ups and downs of his life. Being busy is enjoyable, and idleness is a source of depression.
Is it not a pity that one should waste his precious life or spend some of its moments without getting anything in return?
Dear madam! you can make the most out of your spare minutes or hours. You can do scientific tasks. You can buy the related books and with the help of your husband, increase your knowledge. Any course is possible; physics, chemistry, Qur’an, philosophy, history, geography, literature, psychology, etc. You would enjoy it and perhaps you could one day contribute to your society through your knowledge. You can write articles or even books after which your name will remain. You can earn money too.
Do not think that this is too ambitious for a housewife. Do not imagine that all the great women of history have been sitting idle. They, too, were housewives but the ones who did not waste their spare time.
Mrs Dorothy Carnegie was a housewife who wrote a good book. She used to do the housework and also helped her husband (Dale Darnegie) in writing his famous book "How to Make Friends and Influence People". She writes in her book concerning principles of looking after the husband: "I have written this book during my child’s two-hour sleep. I did a lot of my reading during the time my hair were getting dried in the hairdressing saloon."
There are many women who have been wrigreat books or have had many achievements in scientific fields.
If you are an enthusiastic person, you could be one of them.
If your husband is a researcher, then help him in his field. Is it not a pity for an educated woman to give up all her knowledge?
"Im?m 'All (AS) stated: 'There is not any better treasure other than knowledge’."
"Imâm Bâqir (AS) stated: 'Whoever spends his day and night in seeking knowledge, would surely be enjoined y the blessings of Allah’."
If you are not interested in reading or research then keep , yourself busy with handicraft or artistic hobbies such as dress making, painting, knitting, flower decorations, etc.
You can learn such arts and practise them. These skills may help you mentally and financially. Islam has also proposed handicraft to women in their spare time. The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: "Spinning (and Weaving) is a good pastime for women."
Motherhood (Caring for Children)
One of the important duties of women is caring for their children. This is not an easy task but one which is very sensitive and vital. It is the most sacred and most valuable responsibility which has been bestowed upon women by the order of creationihere are a few points which are briefly mentioned here with regard to this matter:(1) Fruit of Marriage
Although a man and a woman get married for a few reasons such as sexual motive, love, etc. having a child is not one of the main reasons for marriage.But it is not long before the true motive of natural creation becomes apparent itself and the love for having a child grows in their hearts. The existence of a child is the fruit of the marital tree and a natural desire of men and women. A marriage without a child is like a fruitess tree. A child would strengthen the bonds of love between a couple. It serves as a drive to the man’s working life and encourages the parents to care for their family.
Marriage is sometimes initially founded on the basis of lust, love making and instantaneous sexual interests. Such a foundation is false and not lasting and is always prone to destruction. The factor with which this foundation becomes strong, is having a child.
Lust and sexual drive soon subside. The only memory from days and nights of sexual desire would be the children, whose existence would be heart warming to the parents.
"Im?m Sajj?d (AS) stated: 'One’s happiness is in having pious children from whom one can seek help’."
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'A pious child is a sweet-smelling plant from among the plants of Paradise’."
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah also stated: 'Add to the numbers of your children, because I, on the Day of Judgement, will feel honoured about the greatness of your numbers over the other Ummahs’."
How ignorant are those who, with various excuses, refuse to have children, and thus fight the principle of creation!
(2) Educating a Child
The most sensitive responsibility of a mother is her duty to educate and train her children. Although both the parents should share this responsibility, it weighs more heavily on the shoulders of mothers.This is because a mother is able to constantly protect and monitor her child. If mothers, through a correct propgramme try to bring up their children, then a whole nation and even the world would undergo revolutionary changes.
Thus the progress or deterioration of a society is in the hands of women.
"The Prophet (SA) of Allah stated: 'The Paradise is Under the feet of mothers’."
Small children of today are the men and women of tomorrow. Whatever lessons they learn now, they will practise in future societies. If families improve,the society will progress, because societies are no more than a collection of families. Tomorrow’s world will suffer with today’s bad-tempered, stubborn, ignorant, cowardly, materialistic, nasty, careless, selfish and cruel children.
On the contrary, tomorrow’s world will benefit from today’s children who are honest, well-mannered, generous, brave, just, trustworthy, etc.
Therefore, parents in general and mothers in particular are responsible towards their societies. They can serve their society by bringing up pious children. On the other hand, carelessness about their responsibility will be questioned on the Day of Judgement.
"Im?m Sajj?d (AS) stated: 'The right of your child is that you should know he is from you. Be it good or bad he is related to you. You are responsible for his upbringing, education and showing him the path to Allah and helping him to be obedient. You should treat him in such a way that if you behave well towards him, you will be sure of being rewarded and if you behave badly towards him, you will be sure of receiving punishment’."
Of course not all mothers ar aware of the necessary skills of training a child and that is why they should set about learning them.
It is not within the scope of this book to present you with a detailed discussion on caring for one’s child. Fortunately, there are many books, which have been written on this subject by learned writers and scholars. Women can buy these books and with the help of their own experience, they can educate their children and even become specialists in the field of child-rearing. She can then become helpful to other mothers for their duties regarding their children.
Here one point should be mentioned. Many people make mistake about the two phrases of 'education’ and 'training’, or think of them as having the same meaning. But one should know that teaching a child different subjects such as appropriate stories, poems, Qur’an, traditions of the the Prophet (SA), and the Im?ms (AS) does not educate them. Such subjects are useful but a child should not only learn about honest persons, but he should be honest himself.
Thus, we must create such an atmosphere and living environment that the child would naturally become an honest and pious person. If a child grows up in an environment of honesty, truthfulness, bravery, discipline, cleanliness, kindness, love, freedom, justice, patience, trustworthiness, faithfulness, and sacrifice, then he learns all of that. On the other hand, a child who grows up in a place of corruption, deception, anger, hate, hypocrisy, filth, and disloyalty, would inevitably be affected by them. Such a child may learn many stories about good and pious people, buj to no avail. Dishonest parents cannot, by teaching Qur’an and Hadith, bring up honest children. Dirty mother and father actually teach their child to be dirty. A child pays more attention to his parent’s deeds and not so much to their words.
Therefore, those of us who are seriously thinking of bringing up honest and good children, should correct their own behaviour first. This is the only way to educate a child to be useful to himself and his society.
Nutrition and Hygiene
Another important duty of a housewife is feeding her child (ren). Health or illness, beauty or ugliness, even good or bad temperedness, and cleverness of children are all related to the way they are fed.Children have a different feeding pattern as compared With that of adults. They have different requirements at different ages and therefore mothers have to take this point into consideration when feeding their children. The best and the most nourishing food is milk. Milk contains all that is required for a healthy body. Thus for a baby there is nothing more suitable than the mother’s milk. Since milk contains ingredients which are suitable for the baby’s digestive system, therefore, there are not any problems in feeding a baby with mother’s milk. Besides one does not need to boil it, pasteurize it, or sterilize it. One also need not worry about its genuineness.
"Im?m 'All (AS) stated: 'There is no better and more" copious food than mother’s milk for a baby.
"Dr A H Taba, the former Head of the Eastern Mediterranean Region of the World Health Organization said: 'One of the important factors, which makes a child susceptible to many illnesses is by depriving him or her of mother’s milk which is the only life insurance of any person’."
Thus, mothers who feed their babies with their own milk must remember that all the necessary nutrition for their babiesare contained within that milk.
But a nutritive milk is only possible if the mother is fed well, that is, the quality of her milk is related to the quality and quantity of her own food. The better her food, the better her milk would be. Mothers who feed their babies with their own milk can, through carelessness about their food, damage their own health as well as of their babies.
The fathers of small babies are also responsible to supply their wives with sufficient good quality food Malnutrition is a serious problem for many people and one should not overlook it or else she must be prepared to pay for the treatment of illnesses caused by it.
You can obtain enough information on this subject from your doctor or related books. But as a general rule a nursing mother should consume all types of food from meat, fruit, dairy products ..., to vegetables.
The important fact is that the mother’s milk affects the baby’s character and that is why "Imam 'All (AS) stated: 'Do not choose foolish women to feed (your children) with their milk, because the milk makes their base qualities penetrated into the child’."
"Im?m B?qir (AS) stated: 'Choose noble women to feed (your children) with their milk, because the base qualities of milk are passed from the feeding woman to the child’."
You must feed your baby at definite intervals.Yourchild gets used to this regularity and helps him in being patient. It also helps him with regard to a healthy digestive system and stomach. On the other hand, if you feed the baby whenever he cries, then he will not learn to be disciplined. If he gets what he wants through crying,then he will pick up this attitude and use it even when he becomes an adult. He will not have the necessary patience when confronting hardships. He will either use force to achieve his own wishes or he will break down under difficulties.
Do not think that to discipline a child is an impossible task. You must just be patient and have a suitable programme for training him according to your standards. The child nutritive experts say that a baby must be fed with milk once every three to four hours.
Hold your child in your arms while feeding. By embracing the child feels your love and it would even affect his/her future personality. Do not feed the baby while lying down, because it has been seen that some mothers have fallen asleep while feeding their babies and as a result some babies have suffocated because their mother’s breasts prevented them breathing.
If you do not have any milk yourself, you can use cow’s milk. But since cow’s milk is much denser than mother’s milk. you must add some water to it. You can also use pasteurized milk, which you should boil for twenty minutes or until it becomes safe for babies’ consumption.
Do not feed the baby with hot or cold milk, but at the same temperature as the mother’s milk.
After every feeding, you should boil the bottle and its nipple, and extra care must be taken during the hot seasons. Be careful not to use leftover or sour milk. It is better to measure the amount of milk for every feeding in order to make sure that your child is not getting too much or too little.
In using powdered milk, you should consult a pediatrician. You must always use fresh powdered milk.
After the fourth month of the baby’s birth you can start to feed him with fruit juice. From the age of six months, you can also start to feed him with solid foods and soups. You can I feed him biscuits or sweet bread. Yogurt and cheese are also useful. You can gradually feed him with slight amounts of your own food.
Remember that your baby feels thirsty just as often as you do. Therefore, feed him with water as well, but do not try to make him drink tea or coffee. Fruits, vegetables, and soups are especially useful for growing infants.
Do not forget to be hygienic with regard to your baby’s bedding, clothing, and nappies. Wash his face and hands often. Bathe him regularly, because infants are very ; susceptible towards dirt and germs and become ill easily.
You must vaccinate your children against such diseases as smallpox, chickenpox. whooping cough, infantile paralysis, scarlet fever, measles, and diphtheria. Vaccines are fortunately readily available in medical and health centres.
You can have healthy children by observing these codes of hygiene and cleanliness.