The Sarcastic and the Insulters
It is the nature of some people to search for the faults, mistakes, and secrets of others and to criticize and blame them for these shortcomings. Yet in most circumstances, these people's faults and shortcomings greatly exceed their noble traits. They ignore this and occupy themselves with the misfortunes of of hers.Insulting others is an evil trait which pollutes man's life and degrades his behavioral characteristics.
The elements which motivate man to put others down become more dangerous when accompanied with conceit, arrogance and self-righteousness. These behavioral complexes instigate man to make false judgments while thinking that they are positively the right ones.
Those who constantly criticize others waste their efforts in manners unacceptable to reason or law. They give too much importance to observing their friends' faults in order to insult and downgrade them, ignoring the fact that by doing so they deprive themselves of any opportunity to notice their own mistakes, thus leading themselves from the path of guidance and righteousness. Those who lack courage do not observe any rule or respect the honor of others; they cannot live in harmony with the closest people to them. When these people cannot find acquaintances to insult, they turn to relatives and friends; for this reason these people are unable to make real friends whose love and respect they can enjoy.
Men earn their honor throughout their lives; therefore, those who offend the honor of others, subject their own honor to insults and destruction.
Although those who constantly insult others may not realize the amount of damage they do to themselves, they cannot stop themselves from the social reaction to their wrongdoings. Wrongdoings which bring them nothing except hate, enmity and disgust. They feel sorry, but as it is said, "It is impossible to bring a bird back to its nest when it has flown away."
He who wishes to socialize with others has to define his own duties and responsibilities, one of which is to always look for the virtuous traits and good deeds of others in order to be able to glorify them. He must also rid himself of the traits which insult the dignity of others and contradict the fundamentals of love, for love only survives if it lives within the exchanges of respect and observance of both parties. He, whose habit it is to conceal the shortcomings of his loved ones and friends will enjoy more stable relationships. It is also complimentary if one is able to bring the attention of those he loves to their weak points so the individual has a chance to change.
Of course, it is necessary for an individual wishing to bring his friend's attention to an unpleasant trait to apply special skills so as not to insult or "hurt his feelings."
According to one educator:
"It is possible to bring the attention of your listener to his mistakes by a glance or a gesture, it is usually unnecessary to speak directly. If you were to say to someone, You made a mistake, he would never agree with you for you have insulted his reason, ability to think and self-confidence. Confronting him openly makes him resist your action without adjusting his views, even if you prove to him beyond doubt that you are right. When you bring a conversation do not open it with, I will prove it to you.' or I will substantiate that,' for this means that yon are smarter or more clever than the person to whom von are speaking. The act of correcting someone's thinking is a difficult task so why add more trouble by the wrong procedure and creating an irreversible barrier.
"When you propose to prove a point it is important that others are not aware of von attention. You should proceed towards your goal with precise steps without allowing anyone the opportunity to discover your aim. Remember the following saying when working in this field: Teach people without being teachers."'
Religious Teachings Verses Sarcasm
The Holy Quran warns the sarcastic of their gloomy fate, and cautions them about the results of their evil actions. It is written in the Quran:"Woe to every slanderer, defamer." Islam deems it obligatory for all Muslims to observe the rules of manners and good conduct so as to preserve unity. Islam also forbids slander and sarcasm in order to avoid dissension and the weakening of brotherly relationships. Therefore, it is the duty of every Muslim to observe the rights of others and to refrain from insulting or humiliating them.
Imam Sadiq (A.S.) said:
"A believer becomes more reassured near another believer than a thirsty man does when he finds cold water.''
al-Kafi v. 2, p. 247
Imam Baqir (A.S.) said:
"It is enough of a fault of an individual to note the faults of people and ignore that which he suffers from, criticize others for something that he himself does or to hurt an intimate friend with that which does not concern him."
aI-Kafi v.2. p. 459
Their grandfather, lmam Ali (A.S.) said:
"Avoid the companionship of those who search for people's shortcomings, for their companions are not safe from their plots."
Ghurar aI-Hikam p. 148
Although it is part of man's nature to refuse criticism, one should be attentive to constructive criticism. It is under the shadow of constructive advice that we are able to prepare the elements for advancing ourselves, if Allah wills.
The Commander of the Faithful (A.S.) reminded us of the above-mentioned fact when he said:
"Let the closest to you be from among people who guide you to (discover) your shortcomings, and aid you against your own wrong inspirations."
Ghurar al-Hikam p. 558
The following is from Dr. Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People:
"We must listen to criticism and accept it for we should not expect two-thirds of our actions and thoughts to be accurate. Albert Einstein admitted that ninety-nine percent of his ideas and conclusions were false. When someone wants to criticme, I find myself being defensive without even knowing what he wants to say; yet, when this happens I later resent myself.
"We all prefer praise and glorification and refuse reprehension and criticism without observing the degree of appropriateness and accuracy of any of these comments. We surely are not the children of proof and logic but the >children of feelings. Our minds become like sailing ships which are tossed around by the waves of feelings on a dark sea. At the present time most of us are self-confident, but in forty years we shall look back at ourselves and laugh at our actions and thoughts."
Imam Ali (A.S.) said:
"He who searches for people's shortcomings should start with himself."
Ghurar al-Hikam p. 659
Dr. H. Shakhter has said:
"Instead of objecting to the utterances or actions of others it is better to reflect on your own problems and pains if possible correct them. it is incumbent upon each one of us to reflect on our problems, discover our faults and shortcomings and solve them if we can."
Rushde Shakhsiyyat.
The ignorant attempt to conceal their shortcomings instead of endeavoring to eradicate them.
According to Imam Ali (A.S.):
"It is stupidity in a person which causes him to observe the faults of others and not notice that which is concealed of his own faults."
Ghurar al-Hikam p. 559
Dr. Auibuty has stated:
"Because of our ignorance, we frequently ignore our shortcomings and conceal them under a veil of ignorance and unawareness so as to lure ourselves in this manner. It is amazing how people will try to conceal their shortcomings from the eyes of others without ever attempting to eradicate them. Yet, when one of their faults is revealed and they cannot conceal it, they create thousands of excuses to satisfy themselves and others. These people attempt to downplay the importance of their faults in the eyes of people, forgetting that as days go by the importance of such faults will become more manifest. Exactly as a seed grows to become a mighty tree".
Dar Jostojuye Khushbakhti
Studying the personality is the only accepted method by psychologists to diagnose and treat various illnesses. Imam Ali (A.S.) advised people of this very same method. He said:
"It is incumbent on men of reason to pinpoint their shortcomings in religion, opinion, behavior, and manners and to gather them in their heart or in a book and work on eliminating them."
Ghurar aI- Hikam p. 448
Also according to a psychologist:
"Sit comfortable in a quite room with a clear mind and ask your family not to let anyone bother you. The more comforting the place is and the more at rest you are the better it is: because what we intend to do requires a basic rule which is not to allow your thinking to be disturbed by concentrating only on the main objective. Also, your body should not be diverted by your bodily needs.
"Take with you some dark cheap paper and a pen which you can write with easily. I mentioned dark cheap paper so as to allow you to use a large quantity without worrying about expense. I also mentioned an easy pen because you will be surrounded by thousands of spiritual and psychological factors when you study yourself, you will need a pen that will not distract you.
"Make a list of the types of feelings and reactions which you encountered in yourself on this day and the day before. Now review each one of them, think deeply about them, next write down everything that comes to your mind regarding these feelings without any reservations or limitations. Do not worry if it takes a long time.
"When you have written all your actions, thoughts. feelings. and reactions, bring to mind the instincts of self-love, seclusion. conceit, ... etc, Now match every action or thought with the instinct which motivated it by asking yourself the simple questions: Which instinct motivated this action or utterance?
"The purpose of this psychological self-analysis is to allow the patient to change as much of his spiritual personality. as his lively and constructive spiritual powers can by eradicating his psychological reactions and nervous states. This way he will consciously feel that he is a new person. Hence, he will realize new goals and meanings in life and be able to draw a new path in life For himself other than the previous one."
Ravankavi
Envy
An Enigmatic and Corrupt Desire! Man lives in constant movement between waves of problems and miseries in this unstable life. He struggles to reduce the strain of hardships on his soul and body, so he may harvest the roses of hope, and manifest them in his life one by one. As long as man's relationship with life is not amputated by the danger of death, and he sees a path to hope, he will endeavor to achieve happiness. In conclusion, light of hope that grants man life, and makes its bitterness sweet.
Some of us hope to become rich and to obtain wealth, and struggle to achieve them in a manner that knows no boundaries. While others seek fame and position. People's deeds are related to their wants and the degree of spiritual and psychological integrity they reach. Desires also vary just as thinking varies. But we have to realize that hope brings happiness to our lives when they conform spiritual needs, fulfill our mental requirements, develop our information level, light up the paths of our lives, and rescue us from hardships and miseries.
Instincts, such as stinginess or conceit may be the root of miseries in life. Envy is one such instincts which diverts men from the straight path and imprison the conscience to prevent men from reaching hopes. The envious cannot begin to see others in the shadow of happiness. They feel great pressure on themselves that stems from their pessimistic outlook towards others goodwill. It is reported that Socrates said:
"The envious spends his days destroying himself by feeling sorry for that which he cannot achieve but others have. He feels sorry and regretful. and desires all people to live in misery and infliction while plotting to deprive them of their happiness."
A leading writer, wrote:
"Our souls are like a city located in the middle of a desert without a fort or a wall to protect it, they are the victims of the thieves of happiness. The smallest winds can send the waves of the sea of our souls clashing. and more than one enemy of the soul enters the depths of our spirits to command and forbid until the last breath. Every layman knows that he should go to a doctor if he is inflicted with a headache but he who is inflicted will envy and will deny it and will never find anyone to treat him."
The envious make the fortunes of others their goal, they apply every method to deprive others of their fortunes. They are prey to their lowly wants without realizing it. The envious manifest their evil intentions by spreading accusations and lies about the envied ones. And if they feel that their lusts are not satisfied by doing this, they may even go as far as to encroach upon their freedom or even deprive them of the right to live, just to fulfill their endless wants.
Indeed these are the inclinations Do these inclinations conform to the real goal of human life? And are they natural?
Not only do the envious lack the title of humanitarian, but they are lower than animals. For he who does not care about the pains of others cannot be a real manifestation of humanity.
The Envious Burn in the Fire of Failure and Deprivation
One of the most effective element in advancing and developing in the arena of life is to penetrate the hearts of others hearts and influence them. Those who have the ability to control other's hearts by their maneuverability and noble traits can enjoin the support of the members of society during their advancement in life; hence obtaining the keys to success. Good people are like lights in a society they shine and lead the thoughts of its members leaving deep effects on their behavior.On the other hand, envy causes the destruction of good traits and noble manners, and prevents the hearts of people from allowing valuable spaces for their com, or to discover the star of love shining in the skies of their lives. Therefore, envy deprives the envious from enjoying the feelings of cooperation and help. Moreover, when the envious manifest their feelings with their tongues or actions, and display the nakedness of their filth to the public, they gain only the waves of hatred and public resentment. The apparent anxiety and deep sadness which he inflicts upon himself by being envious pressures his soul and lights a fire within himself that burns his beloved soul.
The reason that the soul of the envious burns in the flames of anxiety and restlessness is clear. Because the divine sustenance is constantly increasing despite his hopes, he constantly suffers from sadness and pain that overshadows his heart. Envy is like a destructive storm which pulls the trees of morality from their roots in a manner that the envious can find no way to stop.
When Cain saw that Abel's sacrifice was accepted rather than his own, he envied him and planned to kill him. Envy had planted its claws in Cain's heart and deprived him of the brotherly and human feelings. It lead him to crush his brother's head with a huge rock and drown the holy body with blood. Cain did this for no reason other than the fact that Abel (his brother) had pure intentions and conduct. The quiet universe had witnessed the very first crime of envy, as a result of a despicable crime committed by the very son of Adam (A.S.). After Cain had committed this terrible crime, he felt regretful; but the sorrow that Cain experienced never helped him for he fell victim to the reprehension of his conscience for the rest of his life. If Cain had pondered on the realistic and accurate way of thinking, he would have sought the reason for his deprivation of Divine Blessings for ...
"Allah only accepts from the pious.
According to Shcopenhauer:
"Envy is the most dangerous of human feelings. So it is necessary that man considers it his arch enemy, and works to eliminate it from the path of his happiness."
Furthermore, if envy becomes widespread in a society, many unwanted phenomena appear among people such as arguments, etc. In a society that is full of pain and problems, every individual becomes an obstacle in the way of the happiness of others, instead of becoming an element of perfection and social integrity. When envy enters a society it prevents social salvation, hence the spirit of cooperation, comfort and confidence between the members is eradicated, a matter which leads them to destruction despite their civilization and development.
According to Dr. Carl:
"Envy is responsible for our stinginess, for it is an obstacle in the way of spreading the achievements of the industrial countries to the Third World. Envy also prevents many capable people from leading their countries."
Most violent crimes which occur these days stem from envy. This becomes apparent with a careful study of social events.
Religion Verses Envy
Allah, the Almighty, has said in the Holy Quran:Despite the fact that it is in man's nature to love and achieve benefits for himself, he is requested to comply to the jurisprudential laws, the logic of reason, and the social welfare when he attempts to respond to his said nature.
Therefore, when Allah grants someone a benefaction, no one should encroach upon or deprive him of this gift for the one reason of fulfilling his envious lust or in order to take advantage of him. Rather man is expected to follow a reasonable and accepted path to his hopes in life. Allah, the Almighty, said:
"And do not covet that by which Allah has made some of you excel others; men shall have the benefit of what they earn and women shall have the benefit of what they earn; and ask Allah of His grace; surely Allah knows all things."
Quran 4: 32
Thus we should do our best and supplicate to Allah to grant us from His eternal treasures, to make our difficult matters easy for us, and to bring us closer to our goals and hopes. Had the envious, who spends his thoughts and feelings in other than their legitimate field, directed them towards the path of his goals and pursuing his wishes, then the rays of happiness shall inevitable light his way.
Many traditions have been narrated to us by the Imams (A.S.) that warn us about this resentful trait (envy) and call us to guard against its dangerous effects. The following narration from Imam Sadiq (A.S.) shall suffice for now. He pointed out two spiritual factors which lie behind envy when he said:
"Envy originates from the blindness of the heart and the refusal of Allah's blessings (glory be to Him) which are (the two factors) two rings of infidelity. It is with envy that Adam's son fell victim to the sorrow of eternity and became afflicted with eternal damnation from which lie shall never be rescued."
One of the elements which cause envy is ill upbringing at home. If the parents love one of their children and bestow him with special love and affection while depriving the others of the same treatment, the children who were left out will establish a sense of humiliation and rebellion. The type of envy from which many people suffer generally originates at home and causes sorrow and misfortune for a large portion of the society. Such an outcome is a natural matter when the basis of ruler ship is built upon injustice, oppression, racism, sectarianism, nationalism, etc. in any society. The members of this type of society will be overwhelmed by dissension, and the flames of hatred and envy will kindle in their hearts.
The Messenger of Allah (S.A.W.) forbade Muslims from diversion of justice between children to prevent the sins of envy and other sins from polluting their lives. He said:
"Treat Your children equally when giving them presents."
Nahj a1-Fasahah p.366
Professor Bertrand Russell quoted the author of the book The Fairchild Family when he wrote the chapter regarding the method of avoiding concealed sins, as saving:
Lucy was given a small notebook to record any ill thoughts which may enter her heart. Her parents gave a glass to her brother and a cassette tape to her sister at the breakfast table in the morning without giving Lucy anything. Lucy wrote in her notebook that a bad thought had crossed he mind at the moment. She thought that her parents loved her less than they loved her brother and sister ...''
Imam Ali (A.S.) pointed out the harm which envy can cause to the body when he said:
"Amazes me the ignorance of the envious about the soundness of their bodies."
Ghurar aI-Hikam. P. 494
Dr. Frank Haurk also said:
"Protect yourselves and thoughts from the pains of psychological feelings, for they are the satans of the soul which are not satisfied with destroying the system of thought in man but also cause poisoned cells to grow. These feelings cause fatal harm to the body. Such pains slow down the blood circulation, weaken the nervous system, inhibit bodily and spiritual activity, deprive one of reaching his goals and hopes in life, and downgrade man's level of thinking.
"Man must free his environment of these enemies, for they are fatal. They must be imprisoned in isolation away from human life. Those who do this will discover that their will is strengthened, and will become triumphant over any probable obstacle in life."
Pirozi Fikr
Imam Ali (A.S.) is quoted as saying:
"Envy inhibits the body."
Ghurar al-Hikam p. 32
He also mentions its psychological harms as:
"Safeguard yourselves against envy for it ridicules the soul."
Ghurar al- Hikam p. 141
According to a psychologist:
"Intense envy is one of the acute psychological pains which create many pains, unamendable mistakes, oppression and injustice to the soul. Let it be known that many of the envious actions are not done by his will but in accordance to the commands of the evil of envy."
Ravankavi
We should not allow lowly hopes and lusts which transform the sweetness of life to bitterness, erect an invincible dam toward noble goals and hope to achieve the highest and most excellent human traits. Such traits that are capable of guiding our thoughts to the right path, will eventually lead man to his noble goals.
lmam Ali (A.S.) said:
"Compete in desirable traits, great hopes and exalted ideas, and your rewards will become greater."
(Ghurar al-Hikam p.355)
Dr. Mardin said:
"If you concentrate your thoughts on achieving certain traits, you will eventually reach them.
"The natural entities are children of natural thoughts. Therefore, if you hope to live in harmony, happiness, and security then you shall live so. If you have gloomy outlooks and see everything negatively you can rescue yourselves from this weakness in a short time by directing your thinking to the opposite of this negative attitude by thinking about that which necessitates activeness, happiness, and felicity of life. Aim at noble traits, pursue them with decisiveness and resolution, because it is with the insistence to acquire them that you prepare your minds to accept such noble traits and consequently reach them.
"Do not hesitate to repeat your intentions to reach your goals and hopes. Let your intentions be seen on your face and see after a short period of time how your thoughts magnetically draw you towards your goals."
Pirozi fikr
Dr. Mann elaborates on this issue in his book:
"We have experienced and discovered that thinking about a certain action necessitates that action occurs slightly before. For example. if we think about clenching our fists, we find that the muscles in our hands become slightly flexed and the nerves become prepared to contract enough to appear on the docolanometer. There are some people who can make their hair stand on their bodies, make their pupils enlarge or contract or narrow the veins of their hands by imagining that they are in freezing water. All this is done by concentration."
Usule Ravanshinasi
Realizing the facts helps our minds, wills and inclinations. It is the veil of lust which blinds our minds and creates disturbance in them. Thus, it is man's duty to safeguard the mirror of his facts and realities. He should also erase from his soul the chains of hatred which pressure the soul so that the soul become free of its pains and ills. He then should compensate his soul with goodwill for others in accordance with the rules of humanity.