Question 40
I am a young man. I want to get married according to the Sunna of Allah and His messenger (s). I do not want to be involved in the unlawful relations that are customary in our society, which follows
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1 Mustadrak al-Wassa'il, vol.2 p.570.
2 Al-Hikam adh-Dhahira, p.3o.
3 Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol.i8 p.574, vol.14 p.267.
the corrupt cultures of the West in all fields. However, the obstacles before me are many: my family, who says that I am still young and that I have to complete my university studies and find a job before all, besides the expensive dowries and high costs of weddings that young men like me cannot bear.
The difficulties for a lawful marriage cause many youths to become involved in sin, which is easier and hidden from the eyes of parents, who are the main cause for the sins by placing obstacles before lawfulness and opening the door of unlawfulness.
I, who cannot lawfully get married to the girl I want, can commit sin with her if I want, but I fear Allah. Do others fear Allah too?
This problem, as you know, causes psychological complexes, makes the youth absent-minded in their studies, and unable to comprehend knowledge because of their being busy thinking of lusts and being away from religion and obligations, and consequently they fall into family troubles, moral scandals and ... Then, what is the solution?
The answer: Dear faithful brother, what you suffer is a part of the tragedy that has afflicted our society in all fields. Concerning the matter of marriage and the indifference of parents towards it, the tragedy is something disgraceful.
The solution is not something easy because the war is general against all the umma. Globalization with its technical tools via the internet and satellites has entered into the closed rooms and most parents do not know what these tools do to their sons and daughters; in fact they cannot believe or imagine the dangers!
Our misfortune is not one. Corruption has appeared in the land and the sea because of the evil that people have done. Great corruption has become evident due to refraining from getting married to good and faithful persons as Islam wishes.
I do not want to offer theoretical solutions to you or others like you. The reality is painful and just words are unsatisfactory. There are some solutions in both frames of protection and cure.
As for protection, first, try to overlook sexual incitements such as unveiled girls in the streets, films, magazines, and books
concerning stories of love and lusts! And second, practice fasting for the sake of Allah and busy yourself with studying, reading, practicing sports, and planning for your future! As for cure, if you cannot bear it, you are to practice temporary marriage according to the legal limits that have been explained by the religious authorities in their books of jurisprudence, besides the moral limits that the pure nature imposes on the faithful youth like you.
Let young men and young women be certain that Islam has not left its followers to fend for themselves in times of crisis. Islam has given us successful solutions for both protection and cure, always and forever. Islam has wisdom in every verdict, and it does not say anything in vain. Far be it from Allah, the Aware, the Wise to reveal a religion without wisdom and then order people to follow it so they will all be in Hell! Allah is more Exalted than vanity and injustice.
Question 41
What is the viewpoint of Islam about the love between a young man and a young woman before the legal agreement of marriage, where they exchange their feelings via the telephone and letters or by going together to the park for example - of course without any touching with the hand or body? Some (religious) people say that this is lawful as long as it is as the initial step towards marriage. What do you think about the matter?
The answer: In the steps that precede marriage, it is sufficient to obtain information from relatives first, and then, as a second step, have a public meeting with family and without gestures or words that may excite lust. There is no objection if a young man looks at a young woman without her veil when there is a serious intention of marriage. But, if a young man intends to be deceitful just to get pleasure, the company and the meeting will be unlawful. It has been noticed in the cases of love between the youth in our present age that they are of the second kind, in which love relation continues until it reaches touching of the hands and body, because after the premises mentioned in the
questions, lust overcomes both the young man and the young woman until they sleep together to satisfy their furious lust. Then, the young man goes to look for another victim and so on. As experience has proven, girls who are deceived by the words of love become the losers at the end.
The Islamic Sharia has prohibited these premises because it knows the consequences, which we witness in real life. Also Islam prohibits these things in order to protect the dignity of young women and to close the door before the youth who try to take advantage of the honor of young women and then leave them to look for a second victim to deceive and then a third, and so on ...!
I do not think that Islam agrees with the present day love relations at all. Religious men and women have to be absolutely careful, for a reasonable person is one who takes lessons from the experiences of others.
Question 42
I am a young man at the beginning of adulthood. I suffer from a fierce pressure of lust. As you know, Islam encourages early marriage lest the youth commit sins and disobediences in this critical age, but I do not know how I should venture into my future and from what point I should begin. Please, explain to me what I should understand in this age, and I have determined to get married Inshallah.
The answer: Dear brother, there are some things I would like to advise you of:
1. You should know that you are about to establish a joint life that has new concepts and manners. It is mixed with sweetness and bitterness, but its sweetness prevails if you choose the partner of your life according to reasonable steps, and its bitterness prevails if you choose due to the passion of lust and sentimental motives. Therefore, Islam teaches us, 'If you want to get married, ask Allah for proper guidance and determination, and then offer two-rak'as prayer, and raise your hands and say, "O Allah, I want to get married. Prepare for me
from the women the best of them in shape and morals, the most chaste, the best in keeping my honor and wealth, the most beautiful, and the most productive." 1 Thus, you encompass your desires and your religious values and spiritual honesty.
2. Know well that a new life, which is connected with your fate, is worth reading about before falling into its problems.
It is necessary for those who want to get married to read one book, at least, about the matters they will face at the time of marriage because after marriage, time is spent on sentimental relations, and then the joint life would be based on ignorance of the basis of happiness; therefore problems after problems will take place that may destroy the real pleasure of marriage which is happiness, calmness, love, and joy.
3. Try not to be rash in getting married! Make all preparations and secure your material ability as much as possible for the traditional requirements, but within the limits of reason! Beware of wasting or thinking of play and amusement in the wedding, because a marriage that begins with unlawful things will not have a good end because Allah will not bless it, and the Satan does not have any blessings to give!
Question 43
I am from a poor family; therefore, I cannot think of marriage at any time in the near future. What shall I do with my pressing lust? I am religious, and I do not want to become polluted with the sins that invite me towards them everyday. Please, give me a scientific solution, for theories neither nourish nor do they release one from hunger!
The answer: THe Prophet (s) has said, 'O youth, whoever of you is able to get married, let him get married, for it is better to protect his eyes from unlawful looking and his genitals from sins; and whoever is unable, let him fast, because fasting is as a
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1 Said by Imam ar-Redha (s), as in Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol. 14 p.79.
protection to him (stops his lust).' 1
Based on this Prophetic tradition, I say, dear brother, there is no way before your except to either get married or to fast. There are two kinds of marriage. One is permanent marriage, which is required fastly and lastly. I advise you to this kind of marriage in spite of your financial difficulties. Look for a young woman who accepts your weak financial condition and tell her: Allah has promised to enrich us with His favor after marriage. Let us believe in Him and His promise and rely on Him. He has said in His Book, (And marry those among you who are single and those who are virtuous among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will enrich them out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing.) 2 Once, a young man from the Prophet's companions came to the Prophet (s) and said to him, 'My mother and I have had nothing at all for lunch today.' He expected that the Prophet (s) would give him something, but the Prophet (s) said to him,
'Get married!'
THe young man thought that the Prophet (s) did not hear him properly, so he said again, 'O messenger of Allah, I have had nothing even for lunch today. How can I get married?'
The Prophet said again, 'Get married!'
The young man repeated his saying sand the Prophet (s) said to him, 'Get married!'
The young man was astonished that the Prophet (s) did not give him anything, though the generous Prophet (s) would give him his clothes and food even to his enenmies.
The young man went back to his mother and told her what the Prophet (s) had said.
The mother said, 'Surely, the Prophet (s) sees a wisdom in that.' She asked for her son's permission to ask for their
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1 Mustadrak Wassa'il ash-Shia, vol.2 p.531.
2 Qur'an, 24:32
neighbour's hand. He agreed that and the girl came to her husband's house so simply and with no cost that the wedding was on the same day.
The young man thought to himself that he could not leave his wife no means of livelihood. Therefore, he went out of the town to collect some firewood. He sold the firewood for two dirhams. He bought some food with one dirham and saved the other to buy and axe. When he had collected four dirhams, he could afford to buy an axe to cut firewood with, in order to not hurt his hands with throns.
After some days, he could afford to buy a camel to carry the firewood on to the market. Every morning, he went to the desert to collect firewood with his axe and then carried it on his camel to the market to sell it. on the fourtieth day of his marriage, the Prophet (s) asked him about the camel. The young man told the Prophet (s) his story. The Prophet (s) said to him, 'Did I not tell you to get married?' Later on, this young man became one of the wealthiest people of Medina. 1
Dear brother, do not fear poverty, because fearing poverty will keep you in it! Rely on Allah sincerely and try your best to find how the promise of Allah will shine in your joint life with your wife!
However, if your cannot get married and your lust is furious as you say, you can extinguish it through fasting and worshipping. If this cannot extinguish your lust, you have to practice the last solution: temporary marriage, which Allah has made lawful but some ignorant people have prohibited and therefore, they have involved themselves and their followers in adultery and psychological complexes that result from suppressing this instinct.
Temporary marriage, if you obtain the acceptance of the other side (a divorced woman or a widow), is a preferable solution in certain cases. Do not trouble yourself since Allah has permitted
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1 Quoted from "Crises and their Solutions" by Imam ash-Shirazi, p.16.
this thing! The wording of the agreement of this type of marriage, after agreeing with the other side on the dowry and the period of marriage, is that she should say first (I marry myself to you on the specified dowry and for the specified period) and then you reply by saying (I agree). Then, you both have to adhere to the legal conditions of this marriage. The most important condition is that she must, after the period of your temporary marriage ends, undergo the idda 1 and then divorce between you takes place automatically. You can remarray again if you want but with agreeing on another period and dowry. The idda of temporary marriage is the passing of two menstruation cycles if the woman intends to get married with another man, but with the same man, there is no need for the idda. I advise you not to let a child be formed, because it will be your legal child and then you must undertake its rights as your and her child, and hence, this requires you, due to morals, to get married in a permanent marriage and live happily.
Question 44
I am a young woman at the university and I observe the veil. I notice certain things in my classmates that are closer to unlawfulness than to lawfulness. Some of them justify their relations with young men in the university as they will be their future husbands. It is clear that they deceive themselves with this speech. Many of them are in love with some youths and then after some time they decide to be in love with others according to their youthful fancies. Frankly, I say that the Satan whispers to me in these environments and he is about to defeat me. I do not know how to match my religion with the pressing physical needs in such an exciting environment! Would you please
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1 The period of abstention from sexual relations imposed on a widow or a divorced woman, or a woman whose marriage has been annulled before re-marrying.
suggest a solution for me? It is worth mentioning that there are many other girls like myself but they are too shy to express themselves.
The answer: I will begin answering form the end of your question and say: dear sister, shyness is te strongest for that protects chastity. A girl is precious due to her chastity, gravity, shyness, and veil. If these noble qualities are lost, the value of a girl is lost and se becomes a worthless thing even in the eyes of deceitful men. Who can accept that the partner of his life should be a girl whom the hands of other men have touched or whose charms their suspicious eyes have seen?
This thought is stronger in faithful men who have jealousy and dignity. Allah has honored woman, given her a high position, protected her with veil, and planted in her shyness to resist those who consider her as a cheap good. The corruption, which has spread everywhere and which has been planned by Zionism and its followers, has deprived girls of their shyness and made them the main source of deviation, family problems, and spouse troubles.
Woman has been preferred to man with ninety-nine portions of pleasure but Allah has granted shyness to her, as it has been mentioned in a tradition narrated from Imam as -Sadiq (s). The media and the satellite TV stations, which resist the religion of Allah and fight moral values, have deprived woman of her shyness and ten she has become excited, destroying the tranquility of families and bringing them numerous problems. Is it right for Muslim girls to cause this torment and destruction for the lives of young men and the lives of married men and married women?
When a university girl, from whom it is supposed that her scientific level will prevent her from doing wrong, putts off her veil and uncovers her charms, she does wrong against herself, people, and families. When he excites men's lusts and attracts their hearts towards her, they cannot get her or they feel shy to approach her and tell the truth; therefore, their wishes and desires accumulate inside themselves, and later on their
relations with their wives and children become strangled and then disagreements and quarrels take place that may end in divorce and the loss o children as often happens.
Let this unveiled girl, who does such wrongs to families, not forget that one day when she gets married to live tranquilly with her husband and children, another girl will come to influence her husband's reason and emotions and will brin her life storms of problems. It has been mentioned in traditions, 'As you condemn (others) you are condemned (by others).' And this is what the imperialists want when they spread debauchery, shameful fashions, nightclubs, ballrooms, and immoral songs.
Let these girls also not forget that they do wrong towards knowledge when they excite lust in the university and school by busying the youths' senses and their own senses and direct the attentions towards unlawful things, and then minds and hearts will have no inclination towards knowledge and its deep matters. Therefore, most university graduates are without good abilities.
Unveiledness, displaying of charms, and distracting hearts with immoralities -whether by young men or young women- are considered to be a great crime against man, family, society, religion, knowledge, and progress.
What do you think the punishment of this great crime will be on the Day of Ressurection?
The Prophet (s) of this umma, which has become detached from its religion, answers this question with his tears. Let every girl and woman who belongs to this religion ponder over the following tradition.
Imam Ali (s) has said, 'Once, Fatima and I went to the messenger of Allah (s) and found him crying bitterly. I asked, 'O messenger of Allah, may my father and mother be sacrificed for you! What makes you cry?'
He said, 'O Ali, on the night (of ascension) when I was ascended to the Heaven, I saw some women from my
community in great torment. I denied their affair. I cried when I saw the severe torment they suffered. I saw a woman hanging by her hair while her brain was boiling. I saw another one hanging by her tongue wile boiling fluid was poured onto her back. I saw another woman hanging by her breasts and another one eating her own flesh while the fire was lit under her. I saw another one with her legs and hands tied together while snakes and scorpions were set against her. I saw a blind, deaf, and dumb woman in a coffin of fire while her brain came out of her nose and her body was cut because of leprosy. I saw a woman hung by her legs in an oven of fire. I saw a woman who was cuttin her flesh from behind and in front of her with scissors of fire. I saw a woman with her face and hands being burned while she was eating her intestines. I saw a woman with a head of a pig and a body of a donkey suffering a million kinds of torments. I saw a woman who was lik a dog while fire entered into her back and came out of her mouth while the angels beat her head and body with bats of fire.'
Fatima (s) said, 'O dear father, whould you please tell me what those women have done so that Allah has placed them in such torments?'
The Prophet (s) said, 'Dear daughter, as for the one who was hanging by her hair, she did not cover her hair before men (in the worldly life). The one who was hanging by her tongue hurt her husband. The one who was hanging by her breasts refrained from sleeping with her husband. The one who was hanging by her legs went out of her house without of her husband's permission. The one who ate her own flesh adorned herself for men other than her husband. The one whose hands and legs were tied together and snakes and scorpions were set against her was dirty (in the worldly life) with filthy clothes and she did not make ablution after janabah 1 and menstruation, did not cleanse herself, and paid no attention to her prayers. The one who was blind, deaf, and dumb gave birth
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1 The state of major ritual impurity that is caused by marital intercourse.
to children out of adultery and ascribed them to her husband. The one who cut her flesh with scissors of fire offered herself to men. The one whose face and body were burned while eating her intestines was a pimp. The one whose head resembled that of a pig and her body resembled that of a donkey was a talebearer and liar. The one who was like a dog and fire entered from her back and came out of her mouth was a singer, weeper, and envier.'
Then Imam Ali (s) said commenting on the Prophet's speech, 'Woe unto a woman who makes her husband angry and blessed is she who makes her husband pleased with her.' 1
Following the Islamic rulings and good morals, reviving one's conscience, and thinking of death and the punishment on the Day of Resurrection are motivations to keep women, men, families, and socieities safe from many dangers and corruptions.
Dear sister, what you see at the university, in material societies, in bad films, in the street, at the shores, or in any other place is to test your will and your faith in your religion. The value of a man becomes higher when being tried by difficulties in these areas. So you should be patient, stick to your studies, and continue on the way to success so that you will taste the sweetness of patience and straightforwardness throughout your life for Allah will not waste the reward of the patient.
This is what you notice in this tradition reporeted from Imam as-Sadiq (s), though it addressed males bt it concerns women too. Imam as-Sadiq (s) says, 'Whoever looks at a woman and raises his sight towards the sky aor closes his eyes, his sight will not come back to him until Allah will marry him to houris.' 2
The tradition can be read in this way "whoever looks at a young man and raises her sight towards the sky or closes her eyes her sight will not come back to her until Allah will marry her to
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1 Uyoon Akhbar ar-Redha, vol.2 p.65.
2 Rawdhat al-Muttaqeen, vol.8 p.538.
immortal youths (who remain young).'
Of course, this will be in Paradise, which one sets out towards from the first night in the grave, but the results of that before death are comfort and peace of the heart that bring good and respect in this life whenever you remember your purity and strong will.
If we suppose that there is a faithful young woman who cannot put a moral veil between her and the young men around her, and she wants, in order to keep some things more important, to have an honest relationship with a faithful young man who can be her husband in the future, then she can agree with him to a temporary marriage agreement where they both can recite its specific formula ad then they would be better satisfied with talking wih each other, without being alone or sleeping together. In other words, lawful relations should be bound by a legal agreement within their pressing nneds and without going farther than that, for a virgin girl may open her eyes to find that she has lost the most precious thing she has and then she will live with black memories, sadly and melancholy!
Because this possibility may also happen to a virgin girl in a temporary marriage, most of our jurisprudence have prohibited its strongly. Therefore, I do not advise you to do a temporary marriage unless you fear falling into sin, in which case some of our jurisprudents have permitted it.
Question 45
Our neighbor has a fifteen-year old daughter. She used to send me love songs and invited me to friendship and even to ... .
Whenever I turned away from her, she would increase seducing me in irresistible ways. At last, what was bound to happen happened and continued until "marriage" took place without a legal agreement of marriage. Now, she is regretful and so am I. Definitely, our families will not agree on our marriage if we tell them the truth because they will say that our ages do not fit the responsibility of marriage. I do not know where our secret relationship will lead us or what we will become! Please, judge our case and we will be grateful!
The answer: Since the beginning, you have stepped into the way of the Satan. The first thing that you must do is pray to Allah to forgive you your great sins, which will affect your life if you do not hasten to repent sincerely and suffer real regret. Nevertheless, your memories will still keep the ugly pictires O your sin to sting your consciences from time to time. This is first.
Second, you have to establish an agreement of temporary marriage secretly and decrease your meetings except at the time of need.
Third, you should prepare for the procedures of continuous marriage gradually and in a wise way that will not bring you troubles from your families.
Fourth, you should always think of this bad experiment and the outcome of sin and know that it obliterates moral happiness and mental tranquility. Others have to take a lesson from this vice.
Fifth, pray to Allah to forgive you whenever you remember your sin and ask Him to protect your offspring from the same sin and its like!