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Fatima is Fatima

by : Dr. Ali Shari'ati

Back You are here: Home Books Family The Principle Of Education (Up' Bringing)

The Principle Of Education (Up' Bringing) - 9. Love and Affection

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At another instance, the Holy Prophet (SAWAW), has so directed: "You should frequently kiss your children, because the number of times you kiss, for each kiss you would receive in return a grade in Paradise." 81

It is obvious from these topics of stimulation and inducement, that religion of monotheism demands that we should not make our children "passive", but should "actively" habituate them with lively feelings, so that the glittering sincerity and warmth of dynamic intellect, should remain enlightened in the world.

Another tradition, of the same class, has been transmitted by the elderly scholar of Islamic Ummah, Abdullah ibne Abb'as! It states:-

The Holy Prophet has said: The person who gratify (overjoy) his daughter, his character would be considered like the person who managed the release of the sons of Isma'iI from the bonds of slavery, and whosoever would bring relief for his son, would be considered amongst those who sheds his tears in the fear of Allah. 82 Well, Muhammad Ibne lsmaiI Bukhari writes:-

According to Haj'jaj Ibne Minha'l and Sha'ba, Ad'di has stated that he has heard Bar'ra lbne Aazib as saying that, we ourselves saw that the Prophet of Allah was carrying Hasan Ibne Ali on his shoulders, and was reciting this supplication: "Oh AlIah! I love him and You should also love him." 83 This sentence is further added in Sahi'h Muslim: -

and Oh Allah! those who love him, bestow upon him Your kindness. 84 And now, notice these conditions of eagerness, and unfold your hearts! This the tradition from the well known narrator, Abu Hurrara'h:-

If we intend to put this tradition in our own style, we would say: At one occasion, our beloved Prophet was caressing (kissing) his elder grandson Hasan Mujtaba", and according to Ibne Abi Umer the younger grandson Hussain was also present, and the grandfather was kissing him too. On witnessing this. Aq'rah lbne, Ha'bis could not. bear, and spontaneously burst out:

"I have ten sons, but I have never kissed them like this!" On hearing this, the Holy Prophet replied: "The person who is not affectionate and kind on others would remain deprived of the favour and kindness of others." 85 Through the authenticity of Sadiq-e-Ale Muhammad, there is an instruction of the Holy Prophet (SAWAW) :

- A person said to the Holy Prophet: - "I have never kissed any of my child!" When that person left, the Holy Prophet commented: "In my opinion this person is infernal (i.e. belongs to Hell)." 86

It must be borne in mind that, if in the family there are more than one child, then equal treatment be given to all of them so that from the very beginning, they may develop a just and equitable attitude, and should not be biased at any instant. And especially, there should not be any consideration of in-equality in "love and affection". Children are extremely sensitive. If a child slightly perceives and witnesses that, "there is affection to one, while displeasure to the other", then all the time in his heart he feels the pinch of this attitude, and then this dissatisfaction would find place in his mind, as a result of which, when he would grow old, he would face severe difficulty in finding the right course for a satisfied life!

That is why, the Islamic legislation (Sha'raih-e-Muqad'dass) has insisted that for our children, at no instant should we maintain double standards. Should never have differences in our attitudes. Therefore regarding this issue, the True Guide (SAWAW), has profounded this judicious tradition:-

The Holy Prophet (SAWAW) saw a person kissing one of his two children, while not heeding to the other! On observing this, He warned:

"Oh you servant of Allah! You did not show, justice in affection to both of your sons. " 87 Any way! without love and affection, we would neither get decent children, nor the society would have balanced sons, and the world would remain vacant from men of confidence!

But, putting "love and affection" in practice, needs moderation. The elders should neither make it so boring, dreary, and monotonous that the innocent souls start hating themselves, and nor should they "bear with the whims and airs" of their children, and accept their pretention to such an extent, that they go astray, and get lost in the bewilderness!

Well, excess and deficiency in any sphere of human life, is dangerous. Children are also, no exception to this rule! When the undue "love and affection" to the dear ones reach it's apex, the beloved's go astray.

The children who have gained maturity but are still extremely naughty, stubborn, perverse, wilful, boastful, arrogant, ill mannered, libelous, ruddy, and abusive, one could rightly guess. that all this is the result of undue favouritism of their parents, and an extremely evil omen for the future! Due to this fact, Baqar-ul-Uloom, Hazrat lmam Muhammad Baqar has said:- The worst parents are those, who exceed their limits in loving their children, making them feel happy, and In pleasing them. 88