Funny Riddles (new)

- What does a cat have that no other animal has?
- Kittens.

- What has two heads, four eyes, six legs, and a tail?
- A cowboy riding his horse.

- What always sleeps with its shoes on?
- A Horse.

- What is as big as an elephant, but weighs nothing at all?
- The shadow of an elephant.

- What fur do we get from a Tiger?
- As fur away as possible!

- Why do dragons sleep all day?
- They like to hunt Knights.

- What can honk without a horn?
- A goose.

- What has a horn but does not honk?
- A rhinoceros.

- What is the greatest worldwide use of cowhide?
- To cover cows.

- What two keys can't open any doors?
- A Donkey, and a Monkey.

- What room is never entered?
- A Mushroom.

- What gets beaten, and whipped, but never cries?
- An egg. -

- I have no bones and no legs, but if you keep me warm, I will soon walk away.What am I?
- An egg.

- What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?
- Lunch and dinner.

- How many blocks can you put in an empty box?
- One. After that it's not empty anymore.

- What kind of cup can't hold water?
- A cupcake.

- Why did the Bumble Bee put honey under his pillow?
- He wanted to have Sweet Dreams.

School Jokes

When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom?
Because there are no pupils to see!

A math joke

Teacher: How much is half of 8?
Pupil: Up and down or across?
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

A history joke

What is a forum?
Two-um plus two-um!

A math joke

Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair!

You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!


School collection 04

Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.
So what's so great about that?
It's snowing outside!

An ideal homework excuse

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had

A history joke

Why aren't you doing very well in history?
Because the teacher keeps asking about things that happened before I was born!

A history joke

Wish I had been born 1000 years ago!

Why is that?

Just think of all the history that I wouldn't have to learn!

A math joke

Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4?
Class: At once!

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray!
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me?

Son: I can't go to school today. Father: Why not?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well?
Son: In school!

A math joke

I failed every subject except for algebra.
How did you keep from failing that?
I didn't take algebra!

A math joke

Teacher: Are you good at math?
Pupil: Yes and no
Teacher: What do you mean?
Pupil: Yes, I'm no good at math!

A history joke

Why did Robin Hood only rob the rich?
Because the poor didn't have anything worth stealing!

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this?
Pupil: This is my father speaking!

Teacher: When was Rome built?
Pupil: At night.
Teacher: Why did you say that?
Pupil: Because my Dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!

Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mothers day?
Pupil: The school bus!

I Have Learned !

What Have You Learned?

Here is how other kids of every age have answered that question...

I HAVE LEARNED never trust a dog to watch your food. Eric, Age 10.

I HAVE LEARNED When you want something expensive, ask your grandparents. Matthew, Age 12.

I HAVE LEARNED never smart off to a teacher whose eyes and ears are twitching. Andrew, Age 9.

I HAVE LEARNED Wear a hat when feeding seagulls. Bob, Age 9.

I HAVE LEARNED Sleep in your clothes so you'll be dressed in the morning. Stephanie, Age 8.

I HAVE LEARNED never try to hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. Rosemary, Age 7.

I HAVE LEARNED don't flush the toilet when you dad's in the shower. Lamar, Age 10.

I HAVE LEARNED never ask for anything that costs more than five dollars when your parents are doing taxes. Carrol, Age 9.

I HAVE LEARNED never bug a pregnant mom. Nicholas, Age 11.

I HAVE LEARNED don't ever be too full for dessert. Kelly, Age 10.

I HAVE LEARNED When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him. Heather, Age 16.

I HAVE LEARNED never tell your mom her diet's not working. Michael, Age 14.

I HAVE LEARNED don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat. Joel, Age 12.

I HAVE LEARNED When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she's on the phone. Alyesha, Age 13.

I HAVE LEARNED never try to baptize a cat. Laura, Age 13.

I HAVE LEARNED never spit when on a roller coaster. Scott, Age 11.

I HAVE LEARNED never do pranks at a police station. Sam, Age 10.

I HAVE LEARNED Beware of cafeteria food when it looks like it's moving. Rob, Age 10.

I HAVE LEARNED never tell your little brother that you're not going to do what your mom told you to do. Hank, Age 12.

I HAVE LEARNED Remember you're never too old to hold your father's hand. Molly, Age 11.

I HAVE LEARNED Listen to your brain. It has lots of information. Chelsey, Age 7.

I HAVE LEARNED Stay away from prunes. Randy, Age 9.

I HAVE LEARNED never dare your little brother to paint the family car. Phillip, Age 13.

I HAVE LEARNED Forget the cake, go for the icing. Cynthia, Age 8.

I HAVE LEARNED that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night" Age 6.

I HAVE LEARNED that our dog doesn't want to eat my broccoli either. Age 7.

I HAVE LEARNED that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. Age 9.

I HAVE LEARNED that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up again. Age 12.

Funny Riddles

Q: "What has one head, one foot and four legs?"
A: A Bed

Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A: "Never mind, it's over your head! "

Q: How many letters are in The Alphabet?
A: There are 11 letters in 'The Alphabet'

Q: How can you spell cold with two letters?
A: IC (icy)

Q: "David's father had three sons: Snap, Crackle, and ?"
A: David!

Q: "If you were in a race and passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in?"
A: 2nd place!

Q: What is the center of gravity?
A: The letter 'V'!

Q: What English word has three consecutive double letters?
A: Bookkeeper

Q: "What has a head, a tail, is brown, and has no legs?"
A: A penny!

Q: The turtle took two chocolates to Texas to teach Thomas to tie his boots. How many T's in that?
A: There are 2 T's in THAT!

Q: "What goes up, but never comes down?"
A: Your age!

Q: What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A: A hole!

Q: How many months have 28 days?
A: All of them!

Q: Can you spell rotted with two letters?
A: DK (decay)

Q: How many books can you put into an empty backpack?
A: One! After that it's not empty.

Q: "Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? "
A: "Neither, they both weigh a ton! "

Q: Does your shirt have holes in it?
A: "No, then how did you put it on?"

Q: What starts with a P and ends with an E and has a million letters in it?
A: Post Office!

Q: When does a cart come before a horse?
A: In the dictionary!

Q: What is full of holes but can still hold water?
A: A sponge!

Q: "What has two hands, a round face, always runs, but stays in place?"
A: A clock!

Q: Where does success come before work?
A: In the dictionary!

Q: What breaks when you say it?
A: Silence!

Q: How many peas are there in a pint?
A: There is one 'P' in a 'pint'.

Doctor Doctor Jokes !

Doctor Doctor I swallowed a bone.
Are you choking?
No, I really did!

Doctor, Doctor I think I need glasses
You certainly do, Sir, this is a fish and chip shop!

Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do?
Use a pencil ‘till I get there

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!

Doctor, Doctor I've got wind! Can you give me something?
Yes - here's a kite!

Doctor, how do I stop my nose from running?!
Stick your foot out and trip it up!

Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a bee
Buzz off can't you see I'm busy?

Doctor, Doctor everyone keeps throwing me in the garbage.
Don't talk rubbish!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a sheep.
That's baaaaaaaaaad!

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a bee.
Well buzz off I'm busy!

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm a mosquito
Go away, sucker!

Doctor Doctor I think I'm a moth.
So why did you come around then?
Well, I saw this light at the window...!

Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee
Have you tried taking the spoon out?

Doctor, Doctor I feel like a spoon!
Well sit still and don't stir!

Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?
Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking there is two of me
One at a time please

Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?
I never make rash promises!

Doctor Doctor I feel like a racehorse.
Take one of these every 4 laps!

Doctor, doctor my sister here keeps thinking she's invisible!
What sister?

Doctor, Doctor I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someones ear off.
Oh dear, that's a lot of calories!

Doctor, Doctor Can I have second opinion?
Of course, come back tomorrow!

Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!
Certainly, which way did you come in?

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I'm God
When did this start?
Well first I created the sun, then the earth...

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking I’m invisible
Who said that?

Funny Excuses for not doing Homework

Funny Excuses for not doing Homework

I didn't do it because I didn't want to add to MY TEACHER'S already heavy workload.

I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.

I put it in a safe, but lost the combination.

Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain worked.

I loaned it to a friend, but he suddenly moved away.

I left it in my shirt and my mother put the shirt for washing.

My little sister ate it.

A sudden wind blew it out of my hand and I never saw it again.

I was kidnapped by terrorists and they only just let me go, so I didn't have time to do it.

The lights in our house went out, and I had to burn it to get enough light to see the fuse box.

Another pupil fell in a lake, and I jumped in to rescue him but unfortunately my homework drown.

I used it to fill a hole in my shoe, you wouldn't want it now.

My father had a nervous breakdown and he cut it up to make paper dolls.

I didn't do it, because I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad.

Fun Brain Teasers with Answers

By Sujata Iyer

Given below are some riddles and answers. Before scrolling down after each riddle, try racking your brains a little bit more. Don't give up so easily. Unless, you want to hasten up the process of getting faintly annoyed at yourself for not figuring out the ridiculously simple answers! So, go ahead and try to solve the funny riddles given below. Good luck!

1- Imagine that you are in a boat, in the middle of the sea. Suddenly you are surrounded by hungry sharks, just waiting to feed on you. How can you put an end to this?

2- Sam's mother had 4 children in all. The first one was named May. The second and third were called June and July respectively. What was the fourth child's name?

3- You are driving some people around in a bus. Four people get in at the first stop and three get off. Seven people get off at the second stop and five get on. At the third stop, two get off and six more get on. What would you say is the color of the driver's eyes?

4-  Is it legal for a man living in North Carolina to be buried in South Carolina?

5-  A man and a son were driving home one rainy night. They had an accident. The father died on the spot. The people who were nearby took the son to the emergency room. The surgeon refused to operate on the boy, saying "I cannot operate on him, he's my son!" How is that possible?

6-  A man wearing black clothes, black shoes and a black hat is walking down a street. The street lamps are all off. A black car, with its headlights off, comes speeding down the road, but screeches to a halt, just before hitting the man. How did the driver see the man?

7-  I get wet while I dry. Who am I?

8-  An airplane crashed into a field. Every single person in the aircraft died. But two people survived. How come?

9-  Peacocks are birds that do not lay eggs. Then how do baby peacocks arrive into this world?

10- A man makes a claim that he can predict the exact score of every football game, before it begins. And he's always right. How's that possible?
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Answers:

1. Stop imagining!Sam!

2. Sam
   

3. Check the mirror. You were driving the bus remember?

4. NO! Because he is alive.

5. The surgeon was his mother.

6. Simple! It was daytime!

7. A towel!

8. They were married.

9. The peahen lays the eggs!

10. He says that the score before every football game begins, is 0-0

Animal Jokes

Ant Jokes

What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant!

What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?
All sorts of antics!

What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater!

Why did the elephant put his trunk across the path?
To trip up the ants!

What is even bigger than an elephant?
A giant!

What do you call an ant in space?
Cosmonants & Astronants!

What do you call an ant from overseas?
Impartant!

What medicine would you give an ill ant?
Antibiotics!

What is smaller than an ant's dinner?
An ant's mouth!

What do you call an ant who lives with your great uncle?
Your great-ant!

Who was the most famous ant scientist?
Albert Antstein!

What games to ants play with elephants?
Squash!

What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An antique!

What kind of ant can you colour with?
A crayant!

Who is the most famous French ant?
Napoleant!


What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant!

Why don't anteaters get sick?
Because they are full of antibodies!

What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
An independant!

Where do ants go to eat?
At a restaurant!

What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Antteneye!

What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian!

What kind of ants are very learned?
Pedants!

What do you call a smart ant?
Elegant!

What do you call an ant who can't play the piano?
Discordant!

What kind of ant is good at maths?
An accountant!

How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten ants!