- Published on Friday, 10 February 2012 10:26
- Written by en.rafed.net
Adopted from the Book : Youth and Morals
It is the nature of some people to search for the faults, mistakes, and secrets of others and to criticize and blame them for these shortcomings. Yet in most circumstances, these people's faults and shortcomings greatly exceed their noble traits. They ignore this and occupy themselves with the misfortunes of of hers.
Insulting others is an evil trait which pollutes man's life and degrades his behavioral characteristics.
The elements which motivate man to put others down become more dangerous when accompanied with conceit, arrogance and self-righteousness. These behavioral complexes instigate man to make false judgments while thinking that they are positively the right ones.
Those who constantly criticize others waste their efforts in manners unacceptable to reason or law. They give too much importance to observing their friends' faults in order to insult and downgrade them, ignoring the fact that by doing so they deprive themselves of any opportunity to notice their own mistakes, thus leading themselves from the path of guidance and righteousness. Those who lack courage do not observe any rule or respect the honor of others; they cannot live in harmony with the closest people to them. When these people cannot find acquaintances to insult, they turn to relatives and friends; for this reason these people are unable to make real friends whose love and respect they can enjoy.
Men earn their honor throughout their lives; therefore, those who offend the honor of others, subject their own honor to insults and destruction.
Although those who constantly insult others may not realize the amount of damage they do to themselves, they cannot stop themselves from the social reaction to their wrongdoings. Wrongdoings which bring them nothing except hate, enmity and disgust. They feel sorry, but as it is said, "It is impossible to bring a bird back to its nest when it has flown away."
He who wishes to socialize with others has to define his own duties and responsibilities, one of which is to always look for the virtuous traits and good deeds of others in order to be able to glorify them. He must also rid himself of the traits which insult the dignity of others and contradict the fundamentals of love, for love only survives if it lives within the exchanges of respect and observance of both parties. He, whose habit it is to conceal the shortcomings of his loved ones and friends will enjoy more stable relationships. It is also complimentary if one is able to bring the attention of those he loves to their weak points so the individual has a chance to change.
Of course, it is necessary for an individual wishing to bring his friend's attention to an unpleasant trait to apply special skills so as not to insult or "hurt his feelings."
According to one educator:
"It is possible to bring the attention of your listener to his mistakes by a glance or a gesture, it is usually unnecessary to speak directly. If you were to say to someone, You made a mistake, he would never agree with you for you have insulted his reason, ability to think and self-confidence. Confronting him openly makes him resist your action without adjusting his views, even if you prove to him beyond doubt that you are right. When you bring a conversation do not open it with, I will prove it to you.' or I will substantiate that,' for this means that yon are smarter or more clever than the person to whom von are speaking. The act of correcting someone's thinking is a difficult task so why add more trouble by the wrong procedure and creating an irreversible barrier.
"When you propose to prove a point it is important that others are not aware of von attention. You should proceed towards your goal with precise steps without allowing anyone the opportunity to discover your aim. Remember the following saying when working in this field: Teach people without being teachers."'